


A Wolverine, an Elf, and a Hawkeye Walk Into a Bar….

by CanuckleheadCowgirl, magnetocerebro



Series: The 714 Marvel Universe [1]
Category: 714 Universe, Avengers (Comics), Kart, Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse), Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Gen, It started out as a crackship how did it end up like this, Kart is the new OTP, blatantly ignoring some canon, fixing other canon, why do you ask?, yes we totally did the quick crap fix to IGNORE the death of wolverine, you know just cherry-picking the good stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-07-27 08:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 81,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7610356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanuckleheadCowgirl/pseuds/CanuckleheadCowgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnetocerebro/pseuds/magnetocerebro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the *real* Wolverine shows up with Cable, it takes only a quick check with Emma Frost to confirm his identity. But while he's been gone in another dimension, his replacement has died, and that's left him with a whole list of people who wanted a piece of him, not to mention a host of friends who don't yet know that he's alive.</p><p>Meanwhile, Kate Bishop *thought* she was getting a tour of the hellicarrier when the mess that is Wolverine ended up crashing her moment. Not that she's complaining, because he has promised to teach her how to hotwire a SHIELD jet and to take her along to fight ninjas, and let's be real, Katie needs to shoot things.</p><p>When the two of them meet up with Logan's best friend, Kurt, this unlikely trio heads off to cross some names off of Logan's list.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yep. He's the Real Deal

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, once upon a time, almost two years ago, we two ladies were part of a writing collaboration. Just a fun little way to pass the time, with Marvel characters everywhere. CC was Wolverine; I was Kate Bishop. It was fun. Until we realized that… omg. Once we put these two together with Kurt, written by the lovely Ophelia Claire? They were all three, like, unstoppable. And more. It just… came together. 
> 
> What started as a teamup of the simple fact that we as writers got along with each other turned into a crackship of Kate and Kurt which turned quickly into the realization that… wait. This WORKS. 
> 
> So, we decided to see if it could work outside of the little AU universe we created, and this was the result. Which… as you can see… is actually SO WORKABLE. Get on this, Marvel. Take notes. 
> 
> And so we present to you: The 616, with minor adjustments here and there to fix canon we very much disagree with, and, well, one BIG adjustment, obviously, considering Logan’s alive now. Because we said so. 
> 
> It’s been literally the time of our lives for months now writing back and forth on projects together just the two of us, but this one? This one HAD to be shared.
> 
> So without further ado: I present to you the best. Teamup. Ever.
> 
> (Chapter notes: This chapter contains references to alcohol and smoking and jokes about age)

So... being part of SHIELD had its perks, Kate had to admit. The having access to databases, the being able to call someone for a 'get out of jail free' pass even if she had to explain nine times that it was Clint's idea and _no, I don't know how the elephants got free_ before they finally let her out of that room with the stupid one-way mirror and the telephone.

But she was pretty sure that this—the helicarrier? This was the best part. Ever.

It might have been some kind of "welcome to SHIELD" initiation, or maybe she was just getting the pity tour because Clint had gotten her arrested again, but she really didn't care. This thing was awesome. She’d only seen bits and pieces of it before, usually the wrong side of an interrogation room or an occasional briefing room to get yelled at by Maria Hill (the way Clint told it, anyway —what _actually_ happened was that _Kate_ yelled at Hill, and _don’t you forget it, Clint_ ). 

Steve was smirking at her the slightest bit as she wandered around, trying to take everything in at once, and even her sharp eyesight didn't seem to be quite enough to just… drink it all in. Because this was it. This was where things happened. Important things!

And she got a tour of the helicarrier with _Captain America._ And it wasn't even her birthday.

"Are you going to need to sit down?" Steve asked with that same teasing smirk, and she turned to face him with her finger leveled at him.

"Don't tease. Don't take away from this moment. You just stand there and be part of the scenery and let me just… yes. Let me have this." She turned a small circle with a satisfied grin. "I have arrived."

"SHIELD will never be the same," Steve said, nodding and laughing quietly to himself.

She rolled her eyes his way. "Don't know why it took you guys so long to get around to this," she told him. "How long did it take with Clint?" 

"That's a different case, and you know it." He’d gotten a nearly serious look on his face as he raised his eyebrows her way. “It’s always different with Clint.” 

"Truer words were never spoken,” Kate said before she just shrugged lightly. “But I had to ask." She all but skipped over to him and pulled her arm through his. "Alright. What's next on our magical tour of SHIELD? Please tell me we get to stand on the bridge at some point, because I am so good at steering ships.” She paused and considered it for a moment. “Well, I am _now._ I’ve been practicing so Clint doesn’t have _all_ the fun."

"You're not going to fly the helicarrier, Kate," Steve said with a serious tone, but his amused smirk betrayed him.

She just scoffed at him, one hand on her hip. "Says you. I can fly spaceships. This thing will be cake." 

"You can stand on the bridge," he told her. "And you can watch the helicarrier being flown by specially trained SHIELD agents." 

"Oh, good. I learn by watching."

Steve laughed and shook his head at her. "Don't make me regret taking you up here, Hawkeye."

She drew a halo over her head and beamed at him as they made their way up to the bridge, though once they arrived, they were surprised to see that it was in full motion - not just flying around the skies on patrol or something… but actively going somewhere as SHIELD agents were scrambling, and Fury himself was standing in the middle of the bridge and shouting orders.

Kate was actively trying to hide her beaming smile so she didn’t look too excited about something maybe going wrong but _something was going on._ On the hellicarrier. _With Nick. Futzing. Fury_. 

She was trying not to look too excited. She’d met Fury before. Done SHIELD things before. Only… that had been with Clint. This one was _all hers_.

Steve turned her way and had to smirk at the wide-eyed grin she had on. "Hang tight, Kate. You wanted some real SHIELD action, didn't you?" She knew it had to be good when she realized that even _Cap’s_ eyes were sparkling in anticipation of whatever was brewing on deck. 

Kate just grinned wider and watched with growing excitement as the SHIELD agents rushed to go investigate whatever this was—apparently they were picking up something, or someone.

"DNA scans are matching up," one of the agents on the bridge said as he looked up at Fury.

"Need more than that," Fury replied. "Get him in anyhow; get him secured until we can verify he is who he says he is."

When Steve saw the figure on the screens, Kate was surprised at the frown as he stepped forward a bit. "We've been down this road before. Skrulls, people in costume, image inducers…"

"Not that matched the DNA," Fury told him. "This one _claims _that Cable got him here. But - he knew the protocols and hasn't argued with going along with them until we can verify. He sounds… like he could be an actual possibility. And although the old one has been a help—it’s just not the same." Fury let out a breath and tore his gaze from the screens to watch Cap instead. "We have Emma Frost on the way. She knows his mind."__

Steve raised an eyebrow. "He's not going to like that. If it is him."

"True, but I can't think of another way to verify—considering all the circumstances and all that’s gone on." Fury paused and glanced Kate's way. "Unless _you_ got some bright idea you'd like to share?"

"I've only dealt with the cranky old one," Kate said, shaking her head. “But if you like, I can always shoot this one and see how many bows he breaks when he gets mad. That’s a good indicator.” 

"If this is the real one, then One would be your magic number,” Fury said dryly. “He’s not as overall grumpy as the old one—but he gets mad _fast._ Let’s not introduce you that way though.” He walked back to his favorite spot on the bridge and watched the monitors again. “Miss Bishop, I hope you're enjoying the show—no one leaves this boat until we know what we've got on our hands.”

Everyone on the bridge continued to watch the monitors as the cameras followed the dark-haired little guy through the corridors of the helicarrier all the way until they put him in a cell and he just crossed the room and sat down, arms crossed over his chest with his cowboy hat pulled down over his eyes.

"That... would take some serious study to get down," Fury said with a chuckle. "If he's a fake." Cap tipped his head to the side a bit but offered no comment while he settled in to watch and wait.

While they anticipated their final guest’s arrival, those in the know, and Kate, spent the time in the interim listening to intel—eyewitness reports, tidbits of footage from local cameras that happened to catch this guy's arrival—all of which seemed to corroborate his story, since Cable was certainly there.

Cap was sifting through the snippets of Cable's appearance when the flight crew announced the arrival of Emma Frost in a shield mini jet. "She's here, sir," the radioman said just moments before clearance was given for landing.

Kate and Steve were re-watching Cable's time jump when she arrived, and Steve didn't bother looking up at first, already well versed in that particular arrival, though Kate looked up a bit curiously and mouthed out ‘why’s she so special?’ to Steve, who just looked a bit annoyed—not at Kate, but at whoever the new arrival was, which only piqued her interest. 

When Emma entered the bridge, her pristine white ensemble practically glowing around her, Steve very nearly slapped his hand over Kate's mouth as she very obviously started to grin in a _horrible,_ troublemaking way. 

"Holy crud, it's like—this is what Dad's girlfriends look like when they're actually his age," Kate breathed out, trying not to laugh at Steve's longsuffering expression when he knew he couldn’t stop her. 

"That is the white queen of the Hellfire club," Steve told her quietly, his eyes locked onto Frost’s glowing platinum appearance. 

Kate couldn't not laugh at that. "Oh. So she _has_ dated my dad." 

"She's a telepath Kate," Steve said seriously though he was clearly biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling too broadly at her. "Which is why she's giving you the stinkeye right now."

Kate raised both eyebrows. "Oh," she said quietly before she turned back to look over at Emma. _Don't hate—I speak only the truth._ She thought it as loud as she could.

"I've overheard far worse from people suffering from far more interesting conditions than a _daddy complex_ ," Emma said with her nose up in the air. She flipped her hair Kate's way as she stalked up to Fury. "Director Fury—you said you have a job for me, but honestly, I'm not as terribly excited about it as you seem to be,” she all but breathed out, looking incredibly put-upon and almost _bored_. “And I'm not sure it would be beneficial for anyone if this... person turns out to be who he claims."

"Just follow the nice SHIELD agents down to the holding cells and find out for sure," Fury told her. "If I could ask anyone else, I would—and you owe me anyhow, Frost."

She huffed and turned to follow the agent, and Cap stepped forward to watch for when she stepped into the room with the guy in the cell. "We should know pretty quick," Cap said quietly from over Kate’s shoulder, his arms crossed over his chest.

When the woman came into view, the guy in the cell didn't seem to move, but she sure got flustered fast. Red faced and angry, she all but stomped back up to the bridge, SHIELD agents scattering in her wake as she went.

"I don't know where you found him—but there is no mistaking that … that _trainwreck_ of a mind." Emma huffed out.

"But is he the right one?" Fury asked, evidently unbothered by her temper tantrum. 

"His story checks out—as far as I can tell. _He kicked me out of his mind._ " Emma looked furious. "Told me to quit poking around where I wasn't welcome." She shook her head. "So yes, yes I think it's the Wolverine you wanted so badly. I hope you’re happy with him." She spit out the words with a great deal of venom before she spun on the edge of one foot and practically glided out, nose in the air, as if she could hardly stand to be there a moment longer.

Fury seemed to wait for things to settle out as he watched Emma leave and his men regained their composure and got back to task. When it all seemed to be nearly to the status quo, Fury took in a deep, slow breath. "Get him out of that cell," Fury said finally. "We need to catch him up to speed." Kate noticed that, as he said it, even though a couple armed guards ran past him, his shoulders had relaxed and she could have _sworn_ that his one good eye was sparkling.

Which… was weird. She was probably wrong.

But a short while later, when Logan stepped into the bridge, an armed escort on either side of him, he was greeted by a positively _beaming_ Cap and a smiling Fury.

The door had barely shut behind him before Cap made it there first and wrapped him up in a quick hug. "Welcome back, soldier."

"Wasn't really gone that long, was I?" Logan asked as Cap let him go with his grin firmly in place.

"Well, yeah, you kind of were," Cap said as Fury joined the circle only to do the same thing, though when he released Logan from the quick hug, Logan had stolen one of his cigars and was already lighting it up.

"Ok, then what did I miss? Alien invasion? Another Phoenix crisis—what?" Logan asked as he puffed the cherry to life on the cigar in his hand. Cap and Fury half chuckled, clearly trying to decide where to _start_. 

The silence stretched on for just slightly too long for Kate’s tastes, so with a little bounce to her step, she decided to invite herself into the conversation just so it would get _moving_. "So when is it appropriate to let him know that Other Him died?" she broke in, watching the three men with a bit of a smirk. "This is one of those _real_ X-Men never die things, isn't it?" 

Logan looked between his two old friends before glancing at Kate. "How about now?" He focused entirely on her, but addressed Cap. "This your new sidekick?"

"Oh, please. He's my sidekick. Or he wishes." Kate waved her hand at Steve, who by this point was used to that, apparently, because he didn’t even look slightly offended. She was going to have to try harder.

"He was mine for a little while too; you'll get tired of him," Logan promised with a little wink, and Kate decided she definitely liked this guy _much_ more than the old one. "These two are old and slow—fill me in, darlin’."

"You're older than both of us put together," Steve complained as Logan had turned toward Kate. Logan paused and turned back to face him with a falsely surprised look on his face. 

"Yeah, but I'm not old and _slow_ ," Logan countered.

Kate grinned at them all brilliantly, beyond entertained at the three legends in front of her picking on each other, before she returned the wink, belatedly, Logan’s way. "Well, you've come to the right place,” she said with a sweep of her arm. “Buckle in."

The two of them ended up in the cafeteria at some point during Kate's enthusiastic retelling of everything he'd missed. They had a pot of coffee between them that only seemed to be fueling her, until she felt she had him more or less caught up on everything important and then just paused, took a sip of coffee and a deep breath, and said, "Is that how most 'not dead anymore' catch-ups go? I’ve only done the one with my friend Cassie, but she had the Internet and half my Twitter feed to go on before I even got there.” 

Logan just watched her for a moment after she finished that little bit of information. "No that… actually is a lot more detailed than what I’m used to hearing without whiskey," Logan told her. "At least, when I tell 'em they're much shorter." 

"A few sentences," Steve agreed with a smirk. "At most."

"Past is done with,” Logan said with a shrug. “It’s a pain in the ass to change it. Is Kurt alive at least?" He was clearly focused just on Steve with an incredibly hopeful look on his face. 

Steve nodded, a little smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. "Last I heard, he was teaching at the school."

Logan smiled at that. "Great. Hey—gimmie a lift. I got an Elf to see and a bottle or three of whiskey to kill while we catch up."

Steve's smile finally slipped. "Can't do that," he said softly. "Things have been—well, Kate told you. They've been a bit upside down since you died. Or... the other you died. We can't let you go out there just yet."

"Come on, Cap. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Just give me a ride and I'll deal with the fallout later."

"We'll deal with the fallout now," Steve countered. "And I'll give you a ride wherever you want to go after we've done that."

Logan narrowed his eyes for a moment. "I think I need a walk topside."

"Can I come?" Kate asked, cutting into the conversation between the two older men with a little grin. She’d seen Steve try to handle the _other_ Logan before, the older one, and they didn’t have an ace in their back pocket this time to shut him up. Might as well run with the fun and cause some trouble. "I haven't been up there yet for anything more than, like, arriving here to yell at people." 

Logan was already nodding her way. “Yep,” he said with a smirk, putting an arm around her shoulders and starting to lead her down the hall. “Come on, darlin’—let’s finish your tour real quick like.” But Cap quickly blocked their path. 

"No, because if we let him anywhere near the flight deck it'll just mean a stolen jet," Cap said with his arms crossed and a disapproving look aimed Logan's way.

Kate recognized the look, but it wasn’t the _You’re going to die_ look, more the _Don’t make bad decisions_ look, and she never, ever paid that one any attention. "Oh, good. I want to learn to fly one of those,” she said with the full force of a smirk Cap’s way. Let him try and stop her—he’d never once been able to before. 

"Perfect. I like to teach when someone tells me no." Logan returned the smirk, but Cap wasn't having any part of it—not even the sort of hidden smile Kate was used to seeing. "You can fly it for me—I’ll walk you through it," Logan added. 

Kate laughed delightedly and grinned over at Cap. “I’m keeping him. I think he might be my new favorite,” she announced to a still-frowning Cap. 

"It wears on you after a while,” Cap defended before turning toward Logan again. “You can't leave yet, Logan. We have to get you back in the system—make sure that we actually shut down the groups that were trying to buy pieces of you—reinforce the school," Cap told him. "There is a lot to be done."

"It's alright, Cap. Just give me a list of who wanted a piece of me and I'll go give 'em a shot at takin' it. Problem solved," Logan countered. "All they gotta do is ask. I’ll give it to ‘em. Not likely how they want ..."

"This is why you can't go," Cap told him seriously. "How's your healing factor—do you even know?"

Logan looked down at himself, his arms outstretched and palms open for a moment. "Last I checked, it was as good as it ever was. Wanna test it? Give me that list. I'll bet there are ninjas in there somewhere. Maybe Sabretooth missed me and needs his head taken off." Logan was smirking and it was pretty clear that he was in a good mood. Cap shook his head in disbelief.

"I could shoot him," Kate offered in a low undertone to Steve. "The other one said healing factor works fast on arrows."

Logan gave her a little look. "Other one? The one that died?"

"No, the grumpy old guy who bled out on my couch for, like a day and a half," she said with her arms crossed. "Alternate timeline, too. Apparently."

"What happened to him to have him bleed out?" Logan was frowning just the slightest at the thought. He wondered if she knew how much it took to take the healing factor down that low. 

"Cho threw him halfway across Manhattan," Kate explained. "And there was some kind of fight before that, in the other timeline? He wasn't really forthcoming with details. Just wanted to go right into the stabbing and mutilation, no talking for Grampa Wolverine, no sir!"

“Some things never change,” Logan muttered to himself before he just looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, where's Banner? He could probably use a wake up call. I can insult his dog. Dump my coffee on his lap. Something." 

"I thought there were ninjas that needed fighting," Kate said, starting to smirk as she redirected him. It wasn’t that she was trying to shield Banner, either, since no one really knew where he was. She just wanted something _she_ could fight, too, and she was pretty sure a Hulk-Wolverine fight didn’t have room for a third player. 

"Yeah - but if you want to test healing, why not play pattycake with the Hulk?" Logan smirked a bit and rolled his shoulders. "I'm feelin' a little frisky and there are _always_ ninjas." 

"Oh yeah? Well why don’t you prove it?” Kate asked with a little laugh. “I’m sick of tracksuits and Hydra anyway.” Logan gave her a crooked smile and just nodded slowly as Steve let out a frustrated sigh. 

"Kate—do _not_ encourage him," Steve said. "He'd actually do it."

"Oh, just because your reaction to anything you aren't sure of is to lock people up doesn't mean everyone else is so controlling," she said, waving her hand at Steve as she stuck her tongue out. She was never, ever going to let him live _that_ debacle down, locking up her team so two unarmed girls could rescue them. She almost kinda owed him on that, actually, but it was more fun to tease.

"For the record, I let them lock me up today," Logan told her at just over a whisper. "Act of good faith. I could have gotten out any time."

"So what's stopping you now?" Kate asked.

"Grumpy old man, apparently," he countered before he gave Cap a little salute. “Things to do. People to stab.” 

"Stand down, Logan," Steve said firmly, already having made a point to block his path. "Kate—stop egging him on."

She faltered for just a second at the serious expression on Steve’s face before she set her jaw and put both hands on her hips. "He promised to let me fly a jet, Cap," she pointed out. "How about—if I promise not to let him bother Banner? Keep it strictly ninjas-only?"

"Yeah, c'mon Cap—we'll only kill ninjas," Logan said with a sigh. “Too many ninjas anyhow. They’re like cockroaches.” 

"This isn't helping either of you," Cap said with a heavy sigh, “considering both of you were just guests of SHIELD’s cell block these last few days.”

"Joykill," Logan grumbled. "Lock me up again if you feel like it’ll help. I’ll just be out in a few minutes anyhow. You know that.” Logan looked more insulted than irritated as he really took in Cap’s pleading look. After a few moments, he let out a breath and just nodded. “Fine. I won’t run up and steal a jet. Please just tell me I at least showed up on poker night—or are you going to torture me with being bored out of my mind while you try to keep me here?” 

The smile returned to Steve's face as he shook his head at Logan. "Even if you hadn't, I think we'd have to make an exception," he laughed quietly.

"Good," he countered. "She know how to play too? Cause if she does, I'm inviting her to clean Fury out."

"She can wipe the floor with you geezers," Kate broke in with a wide smirk. "But _she_ only takes invitations that are specifically addressed to her and not other people."

"Gonna need luck with that, girly. I’ve been playing poker since before this little punk was even a twinkle in his daddy’s eye,” Logan shot her way as he looked her over carefully. “You wanna win Fury's eyepatch?" he asked with a trouble making gleam.

"Don’t need luck to do _that_ ," Kate agreed, now full on beaming as Cap just laughed. 

"Alright, _this_ old man is gonna hit the rack then for a bit. Travelling with Cable is wearing. Particularly the part where he talks. See you at eight," Logan said, wandering off toward the bunks and leaving Cap to deal with a very happy Kate.  
~*~  
The poker game that night was loud. And with lots more free flowing liquor than what should have been strictly even on the helicarrier, but… everyone there seemed to be having a good time. Logan hadn't stopped smoking or drinking the whole night and was effectively the life of the party as the night wore on, making it a point to drink with just about everyone. 

But, when he got up to half stumble across the room, Kate watched him carefully, not quite convinced that he was as drunk as he appeared to be. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it didn’t look quite... right. With a little glance around the room, Kate slipped out the door after him.

She was glad she had decided to follow him too, because once he was halfway down the hall, his stagger completely disappeared and he seemed as if he was on a mission—and that he knew exactly where he was going. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out where he’d go, and she ran after him quickly and called out, "Hey. I'm flying, remember?" She was _not_ getting left behind on this one. 

"I thought you were winning Fury's eyepatch?" He countered before he stomped out the cigar and pushed open the door that led topside, looking perfectly sober and focused on the task at hand. 

She just shrugged dramatically. "Well, you win one eyepatch, you win them all," she said in a lofty voice. "What do I need with a patch when I could have a _jet_?" She paused. “I mean, a SHIELD jet.” 

"As it turns out - you got _both_ ," he said with a smirk as he offered her a hand. "You ever hotwire one of these things?"

"I've hotwired a spaceship or seven. Can't be that different," she said, decidedly not telling him that Noh-Varr had been there to tell her _how_ to hotwire half that stuff at the time—though she was pretty sure she remembered half the tricks anyway.

"Yeah, except that the whole power system on these probably won't make a black hole if you screw up," Logan replied.

"Probably."

"Well, you never know," he said after a short pause and a frown in place. "Stark came up with most of this crap, so—"

"So if we die, I know who to blame. Got it," she said, nodding. She climbed up into the cockpit with a bit of a buzz ringing in her ears, and not just from the drinking and the poker night. This was the original Wolverine—all to herself.

And it still wasn't even her birthday. Or Christmas. Clearly she must have done something to make the universe love her, though. 

"You’re not too drunk are you?" he asked with a watchful eye. 

“Please.” She scoffed his way with her nose wrinkled the slightest. “They didn’t even have the good stuff. Like I’d drink much of that.”

“They did earlier—but I cleaned it out when I took my ‘nap’. You didn’t seem too drunk—but if you were, this’d be one hell of a crash course on your way to bein’ a commercial pilot,” he teased. "More concerned for your safety than mine. I have stuff to do."

She laughed quietly to herself. "You and your grocery lists."

"I don't have a list," Logan replied as he started locking the hatch and securing the plane. "But I do have a few people to see, the Elf for one."

"And then ninjas." She glanced up at him hopefully. "Katie need to shoot things."

"Well if we get Kurt first, there might be pirates too. He attracts those like I attract ninjas."

"Oh, that could be fun," she said, the smile widening. "I haven't had a good fencing match in ages since Dad stopped paying my instructor."

"He'll give you a run for your money," Logan promised.

"Well, if that’s the case, I’m not opposed to meeting Pirate Man." She grinned over her shoulder. "But I expect ninjas later." 

" _Always_ expect ninjas, darlin'," Logan advised as he started to walk her through the take-off procedures, even as the flight crew had assembled outside of the jet. Kate glanced up at him for just a moment while they banged on the windows and Logan just waved them off, intent on his instructions to her. She bit her lip as the engines whined louder and they began the vertical take off he was instructing her to use, and the flight crew all backed off quickly—arms over their faces to protect from the wash as Kate giggled.

From the bridge, Maria Hill just shook her head as she watched the scene unfold. "They really didn't need a DNA scan to check this one out," she said with a shake of her head as she turned to the agent on her right. "Keep an eye on him. It’d be just like him to end up kidnapped right out of the gate."


	2. The Terrible Twosome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we finally bring in the fuzzy blue elf, and our epic teamup is complete. *excited dances*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some swearing, innuendo, some depictions of violence and (alien) blood, and alcohol.

Logan just sat back and smirked as Kate piloted their stolen SHIELD jet toward the little blip on the screen that marked where the school was when the alert came through to all available SHIELD personnel that there was a disturbance in midtown. 

“Well,” Logan said with a little sigh as he slapped his hands down on his knees. “Duty calls it seems.” He redirected her on where to go and started telling her how to land the jet, standing up as he finished up the quick version. “Auto landing should take over if you come in too fast, you’ll be fine.” 

“This just keeps happening to me,” she muttered, shaking her head, though the grin was firmly in place and it was clear she was having a  _ blast _ as she followed his instructions. “First time in a spaceship my instructor ditched to fight too.”

“Then I don’t need to worry about you — you’ve got experience. Meet you down there,” he said, pausing before he opened the hatch. “What’s your codename anyhow?” 

“Hawkeye,” she called over her shoulder. 

He frowned a little and just froze in place, watching her with a more purple filter to his judgement. “Tell me you’re not related or ex lovers with the other one.” 

“No. No way. Ew.  _ No _ .” She shook her head several times over as he outright laughed her way. “He was  _ dead  _ when I got the name. He’s just… the other Hawkeye. No relation.”

“He didn’t pick up ‘Ronin’ again did he?” Logan asked and let out a relieved sigh when she shook her head ‘no’. “See you on the ground then,” he said before he just... jumped out leaving the parachute behind. 

She leaned over slightly to watch him jump and shook her head. “X-Men,” she said, laughing slightly before she put her focus back on bringing the jet down. 

By the time she’d done that, she could see the Skrulls causing havoc and had to shake her head. This… was  _ exactly  _ like when she’d learned how to fly Noh’s ship. 

When she came across Logan again, he was positively splattered in dark green and seemed to be having a good time slicing and dicing a whole lot faster than she was used to seeing from the _other,_ older Logan. 

She nocked two arrows and shot a pair of Skrulls near him as a sort of ‘hello’ to let him know she’d joined the battle before she jumped into the fray on her own, working her bow in a fast tempo to match his speed as best she could. The fighting aliens thing? She could  _ totally  _ handle it.

Of course, it wasn’t a good fight unless she could _ see  _ the whole thing, and Kate made her way up one of the taller buildings to get a good bird’s eye view — oh, Clint was rubbing off on her — of the battle below. Some of the Skrulls followed her up, and she absolutely grinned as she turned to fight them, too, swinging out with one hand still gripping the side of the building to kick one of the Skrulls off and then complete the swing up onto the roof to keep shooting. 

She was about halfway through her quiver when one of them managed to grab her bow, and then two more — and that was a tug-of-war she just couldn’t win, even though she planted her boot into them as  _ hard  _ as she could. Another three of them scrambled at her arms, and the next thing she knew was that she was falling over the edge as they more or less flung her over. 

_ Okay. This looks bad,  _ she thought as she tried desperately to think of  _ something _ , because that was a  _ long _ way to fall, and she didn’t have a stupid healing factor like her newest — and very possibly last — partner.

_ Bamf! _ She could barely focus on the very dark blue face that was very close to hers — eyes glowing yellow above a broad, pointed toothed grin. “ _ Guten Abend, frauline _ ,” her rescuer said in a comforting low rumble as he pulled her close.  _ Bamf!  _

It had hardly taken a matter of seconds, but it was the  _ strangest sensation  _ she’d ever felt. She didn’t really have anything to compare it to — it wasn’t like traveling with Loki or Billy or America or anyone else. It was far more instantaneous and a little bit like an entire roller coaster packed into one second. Not that it wasn’t enjoyable, though…

Before she could fully blink, she felt her feet on solid ground, and with a bit of blue and purple smoke, she could see that her rescuer was standing right beside her. “Are you alright?” he asked, concern etched on his features as he gently kept one hand on her shoulder. “Not everyone can handle teleporting with me. I’m not sure if it’s the sensation or the brimstone though, to be honest.”  

She had to take in a quick breath and double-check that she was all still there. “Looks like I’m fine — all in one piece,” she said at last, shaking her head to get herself grounded again before she turned back his way. “Uh — thanks for the save,” she said, faltering the slightest bit at the disarming, pointed grin.  _ Come on, Kate. You’re a superhero. Sound like one.  _ She straightened up and tried to explain that she wasn’t in the damsel-in-distress business: “If I’d had my bow, I could’ve made it. I think, probably.”

“Say no more,” he said with that same grin before he disappeared in a poof of purple smoke, only to reappear a few moments later with her bow and quiver in hand. “At your service,” he said before he grasped her hand and kissed the back of it incredibly gently. “Just call if you need anything else.” 

She couldn’t stop the wide smile at the gesture, taken a bit off-guard by the old-fashioned blue man in front of her, and she bit her lip for a second before she managed, “Hawkeye. I — I’m Hawkeye.” 

“I’m charmed,” he replied. “Kurt Wagner, better known as Nightcrawler. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a Skrull battle like this all alone?” 

Kate grinned. Now  _ that  _ was a line she knew how to work with. “Shooting things,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. “And for the record, I could totally take them alone, but I brought a friend.” She pulled out an arrow and twirled it between her fingers before she glance his way again. “The one and only Wolverine. My partner for the night.” 

He frowned for a moment, no whisper of his grin left anywhere on his features, “You must be mistaken,” Kurt said haltingly. “I’m afraid Wolverine is no longer with us. I thought for sure everyone knew.” 

“Do you want to meet him?” she offered with an understanding smile. She’d been through the best-friend-back-from-the-dead-thing before, and she knew it was a rough ride. “SHIELD ran him through the gauntlet, and it’s the real deal, I swear. They even brought the…  _ lovely  _ witch of hellfire or whatever the heck she is to say hello.” 

Kurt raised his eyebrows. “Oh, did they now? No offense to the White Queen, but I think I’d very much like to see it for myself before I take anyone’s word for it.” 

She nodded, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. “If you can’t believe a Hawkeye, believe your own eyes — last I saw, he was in the middle of Third Street,” she said. “But that was about five minutes ago.” 

Kurt considered her for just a moment and looked down toward where he could hear the fight taking place. “Would you like to join me?” Kurt offered, his hand extended as he turned his gaze her way with the ghost of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “It will only take a few moments.” 

She smiled with her tongue between her teeth as she took the offered hand. “I think I’ll like this teleporting thing better with the warning,” she said. 

He grinned widely, and a few bamfs later — complete with that same roller coaster sensation that Kate was still trying to figure out if she enjoyed, though she was leaning toward ‘yes’ in that regard — they were standing on top of a building looking down Third, where Kate quickly pointed out the knot of aliens getting shredded. “So he’s moved down a few blocks,” she said. “But he’s still here.” 

Kurt just watched, his expression one of clear disbelief as he watched Logan working on a persistent group of Skrulls. He just stared down for a moment before, without any warning, he bamfed away. She watched as little poofs of purple and blue light appeared around the knot of Skrulls before suddenly Logan was just standing in the street with no one to fight, half out of breath with green blood dripping from his claws. 

As she watched the two X-Men, she felt a light tug on her sleeve and looked down at the little curly-haired blue cherub next to her. She had to stop and stare, a half-disbelieving smile stuck on her face as she’d never seen anything like it — except maybe Nightcrawler. The little blue thing looked up at her with a quizzical expression before he asked, “Bamf?” 

She had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but it just kept staring at her. “Um — I’m Hawkeye,” she offered, wondering if it was trying to talk to her.

It just grinned up at her and seized her hand before it bamfed her down to street level in time for the show as Kurt apparently had gotten enough of just staring at Logan — who could see Kurt’s reluctance and had made no move to startle the teleporter. 

Kurt frowned deeper for just a moment before he disappeared and reappeared in another poof about a foot from Logan, his head tilted to one side. “Is it really you, my friend?” he asked, soft and quiet, his tone hopeful. 

“Hiya, Elf,” Logan replied as he looked up at him fully, a smile starting to stretch across his face. “It’s been way too long.” 

Kurt all but flung himself around Logan with a grin, arms wrapping around his neck in a tight hug that Logan returned just as enthusiastically. “I should have known you would find a way to cheat death again,” Kurt said, with a little disbelieving laugh. 

“Alternate timeline — apparently switched a while back with the guy that died... Cable fixed it,” Logan told him. 

“Remind me to thank him later,” Kurt said. 

“He’s a Summers; he’ll remind you himself,” Logan pointed out before he looked over Kurt’s shoulders to see Kate standing there with a few bamfs around her feet and one playing in her quiver despite her best efforts to keep it out of there. “Have you met my new friend? We stole a SHIELD jet a little while ago.” 

“We’ve had the pleasure,” Kurt said with a smile Kate’s way before he shook his head at Logan. “You’ve been back for how long and already you are teaching young ladies felonies?”

“It’s a secondary mutation,” Logan defended with a shrug. “You know that.” 

Kurt just laughed, his hand on Logan’s shoulder. “I would have hoped you at least could stay out of trouble for a few minutes on your return — but then, you would not be Wolverine.” Logan just smirked up at him and nodded his head in agreement before he stepped back and started to shrug off some of the Skrull blood clinging to him. 

“C’mon Katie — bout time for coffee,” Logan called out as he and Kurt started to walk together, arms over each other’s shoulders as they went down the street. 

“It’s just Kate,” she said as she finally wrestled the bamf out of her quiver and then tickled it with a little triumphant grin and a whispered cooing noise that she usually reserved for Lucky. “Or Hawkeye. Not Lady Hawkeye or Kate Hawkeye or whatever else you might’ve heard.”

“I stand corrected,” Logan said, raising one eyebrow as he turned to Kurt, getting a laugh out of him. 

“Do these belong to you?” Kate asked, indicated the bamfs around her, who seemed to have figured out that she would tickle and play with them if they bugged her enough and were fully taking advantage of it to sit on her shoulders and feet. “Or are they independently in the flirty, saving business for themselves?”

“A bit of both,” Kurt replied with a little shrug, sounding a bit subdued as he spoke of them. “I’ve adopted them — but it’s a long story for a first meeting.” He gave the little cherubs a bit of a narrowed-eyed glare, and most of them seemed to back off just a bit, at least not pestering her quite as badly as they had been moments before.  

“They look like you,” she said as one of the more persistent ones got brave enough to tug on her bow and she tutted at the little guy and shook her finger at him before she looked back at Kurt. “I’m just asking — you know. Bad form taking your kids to work this little.” 

He smirked a bit her way, and she could have sworn she’d seen a bit of a blush raise on his cheeks while he rubbed the back of his neck. “They aren’t really children — but, as I said that is a rather long and complicated story.” 

“I like them.” Kate grinned up his way. 

“They seem fond of you too,  _ liebling _ ,” Kurt replied and Logan just flat grinned to himself with a little chuckle. 

“So you two  _ have  _ met then,” Logan said with the smile firmly in place. The look he was giving Kurt had his old friend trying hard not to smile at him. 

Kate shook her head at Logan. “No. I think I’d remember meeting  _ him _ .” 

“From the stories I’ve heard, I’ll just bet you would,” Logan teased. Kurt just gave him a look for a moment, in total disbelief that the picking had started up  _ already. _

Kurt leaned toward Logan and very barely breathed out “Don’t  _ do  _ that,  _ mein Freund _ , I just got you back, I do not want to have to kill you.” Logan just chuckled a little to himself and waved Kate over closer.

She looked between the two old friends and had to just shake her head before she slipped over to toss her hair over her shoulder and grin at them both. “So is that coffee still happening, or are you two going to bromance some more?” 

“Can’t we do both?” Kurt asked as he turned the full force of his smile her way. “I’d give you a hug too if you’d allow it.” 

She laughed. “I’m not opposed to hugs,” she said as the beginnings of one of her most horrible, teasing grins started. “But I’m not quite as much of a hugger as Wolverine here. This guy seems to attract hugs like a magnet. I’ve never seen  _ Fury  _ so  _ emotional _ .” She laughed again. “Or emotional  _ at all _ .” Kurt raised an eyebrow but offered Kate his arm.

“Maybe we should make sure he’s not an imposter,” Logan suggested. “I’ll poke him in the eye. I mean — he sure as hell smelled like him, but... hey. What do I know? I’m the one that everyone’s questioning.” 

“Well, I can understand that,” Kate said with mock seriousness as she took Kurt’s arm, though her attention was on teasing Logan. “I mean, you’re so  _ nice _ . Old you was much grumpier. And stabbier.” 

“I’m insulted on all counts,” Logan said with a little glare. “I’m not nice and much more stabby.” 

“Uh-huh.” Kate was grinning, clearly enjoying the glare Logan gave her. “But you — you give hugs. And Old You stabbed  _ everybody _ . You have more… restraint.” She shrugged at him, tongue between her teeth and the full teasing sparkle in her gaze. “It’s a compliment.” 

“Who is she talking about?” Kurt asked Logan with a little frown.  

“Apparently there’s another one — from a different timeline and from the future. Alternate future where I age horribly horribly fast very suddenly for no reason,” Logan replied with a shrug. “And hugs are a gateway drug, you know. Leads to much more interesting things.” 

She made a face at him. “If you’re gonna hit on me, I’ll just leave.”

“Sweetheart, if I hit on you, you’ll know it,” Logan replied with a twinkle in his eyes. “That wasn’t it.”  

“Good. Because you should know better,” Kate said before she just snorted and turned back to Kurt to explain the Old Logan situation. “It was the time travel aspect of the Old Him that was hard to deal with. Thought he was from the future until I realized he didn’t know about female Thor or any of the other stuff. But alternate universes? Yeah, much easier — and not all that new for me, since my best friend opens portals between them with her feet, so... “ Kate shrugged, realizing she was probably rambling and deciding to change the subject slightly. “If you think three alternate Logans are hard to keep track of, I could tell you nightmare stories about the bunny dimension.” She shuddered. “Serious nightmare fuel.” 

The two of them just looked at her for a moment before they both seemed to just shrug it off. “I’m gonna go ahead and ignore that for now — but only because I’ve heard another lunatic muttering about bunnies. Come on, coffee’s waiting — and Kurt’s buying.”  

Kate laughed at both of them when Kurt gave Logan a bit of a look. “Well, how can a girl turn down an invitation like that?” She asked with a smile as Kurt led the way, his hand covering hers on his arm. 

They were nearly to the diner at the end of the block when the street lit up and the SHIELD operatives made their presence known, seeping into seemingly all the streets at once. “I thought I smelled gun oil,” Logan muttered to himself. “You gonna be in trouble, Kate?” 

“For probably the third time this week,” she sighed, shaking her head. 

“That on its own is enough to earn the Hawkeye title. Tell ‘em I coerced you,” Logan said with a smirk as he leaned her way. 

“Lies. I coerced you,” she countered. “You are the sidekick here, mister.”

“Hey,” he said seriously. “I am  _ never  _ the sidekick. This is a  _ teamup _ if it’s anything at all.” 

“ _ Fine.  _ I’ll take it.” 

The three of them were still smirking at each other when Maria Hill stepped forward, arms crossed. Kurt released Kate’s hand and prepared himself to defend them both. “You’ve been back for all of five minutes and you’ve stolen SHIELD property and disobeyed orders to stay under wraps. I’m surprised there wasn’t a ‘welcome home’ banner parade to boot.”

“Your smilin’ face is good enough,” Logan teased. “But — I wasn’t technically ordered, and seein’ as I’m an Avenger, I didn’t really steal it.” 

She just raised an eyebrow his way. “You’re  _ not _ an Avenger. Not on the roster — not authorized for anything. What you  _ are  _ though? You  _ are _ coming back to the helicarrier, and you  _ are _ staying there until we sort this out.” Logan bristled at her tone and took a step forward with a scowl in place. 

“If I’m not an Avenger what the hell makes you think you can give me orders,  _ Miss Maria Hill _ ?” Logan countered with a touch of a growl before he straightened up again, glaring up at her. 

“Because I’m the one who has to sign off on any kind of reinstatement,” she said with a single raised eyebrow. 

Logan considered her for a moment, but the slight movement from one of the overly armed soldiers at the fringe had Logan straight up, ready to fight, and certainly not trusting Hill. He couldn’t stop the growl that slipped out before he leaned toward Kurt. “I’m not going back for them to make me sit in a cell,” Logan whispered to Kurt, and Kurt simply set his jaw before a moment later the two of them were just  _ gone _ . 

“Well, I feel like a sack of potatoes,” Kate muttered under her breath before she heard a little chorus of giggles and saw a few of the bamfs climbing up over her shoulders, and one of them landed in her arms with a troublemaking grin.

Hill spun toward Kate and made it all of five steps closer before the little bamf in Kate’s arms giggled and poofed her away too. 

When they reappeared, Kate was surprised to find that they were in some kind of mansion — long halls, gorgeous windows, not a soul in sight... it looked like something she might have played in while she waited for her dad to finish talking with his ‘friends’ when she was growing up. It was late enough that nobody seemed to be awake, so for a moment, the only sound was the little bamfs giggling and playing in the moonlight and curtains. 

The little guys more or less shepherded her around as she took in the sights, by herself. “Did you troublemakers take me somewhere away from the boys?” she asked as two of the bamfs poofed up to sit on her quiver before she pulled them out and shook her finger at them, which only seemed to delight them instead of discouraging them. 

It was another long few minutes of trying to keep bamfs out of her weaponry and also finding her way around the dim halls before she caught up with Logan and Kurt, at last. They were in a large, well decorated office, both of them with their heads together and trying to figure out what to do with Logan now that he was back — and SHIELD was after him, presumably to keep him ‘safe’. 

“I can’t stay here, you know that, Elf. It’d bring SHIELD down on you and the school,” Logan said with a shake of his head. 

“You don’t have many options,” Kurt reasoned. “Your estate was divided up. You don’t have anything anymore.” 

“I got along just fine without any money,” Logan said with a tired smile. “Kinda prefer it that way most of the time. If it gets to be a problem, I’ll just call the right people.” 

“If you need an advance,” Kate said quietly, waving her fingers a bit as she slipped the door closed behind her. “I’ve got trust fund money I managed to wrestle from Dad that’s hardly been touched.” 

“I’m not taking your money,” Logan told her flatly as he glanced up at her from his spot next to Kurt. Kurt seemed much more surprised by her appearance, however, as he stood up a bit straighter and tried for an easy smile. 

Kate raised a slight eyebrow at Kurt’s surprise — she’d thought  _ he  _ would know she was coming, after all, considering his little imps — but decided to just shrug it off as she turned back Logan’s way. “Hey, I’ve done the comedown into sudden poverty before. It’s no fun.” 

“You don’t understand,” Kurt said gently. “He saved the money living like that on purpose. He’s used to it.” When one of the bamfs appeared right next to him with a broad grin and a giggle, he gave him a look and muttered, “ _ Sie sind nicht Ehestifter _ .” The little imp paused for a moment and then fell apart in stitches before it bamfed away from him. 

Logan glanced at Kurt with a clear look of disbelief. “You sure about that, Elf?” Kurt glared slightly and shook his head at his old friend.

“Do not encourage them,” Kurt said through clenched teeth as the bamfs erupted in a chorus of giggles. 

“Don’t encourage them to what — save my skin from SHIELD?” Kate asked with a bit of accusation in her tone.

“No,” Kurt said with a frown. “No — that …” He sighed and his shoulders dropped a bit. “I’m quite glad that they kept you out of trouble, but they are causing trouble of their own too. Don’t worry about it; they’ll behave as much as they are capable.” 

“Which doesn’t say much,” Logan muttered out the side of his mouth Kurt’s way before he let the amused little smirk rest on his features. 

Kate looked between the two of them and shook her head, deciding she didn’t really want to know what was going on. At least, not right then. She could be patient. “Well, at least let me set you up somewhere. I have friends on different planets  _ and  _ dimensions,” she offered, turning to Logan. “Seeing as SHIELD is on your tail.” 

“I’m not running from SHIELD,” Logan said with a wave. “Let ‘em catch me. If they tick me off too much, I’ll crash their damn helicarrier. I just need to get Kitty or someone to hack in and figure out what they want me to deal with before they let me loose,” Logan told her. 

She let out a little snort of a laugh at that. “Oh my gosh it’s like living in summer repeats today. Old You wanted into SHIELD’s files too when I met him,” she explained. “Give me a laptop and five minutes, assuming they haven’t blocked my access.” 

Logan looked over to Kurt and just held his gaze until Kurt looked between the two of them, trying hard to ignore the audience of bamfs surrounding them before he finally cracked and pushed his open laptop her way. “Be my guest.”  

She grinned delightedly and curled up into the nearest chair with the computer, and with one bamf looking over her shoulder. When she got into SHIELD, she pushed the laptop back Logan’s way, half the information already pulled up and the other half in tabs at the bottom of the screen that she definitely hadn’t peeked at, nope. “What do you want to know?”

He just started scrolling through what was in his files — seeing what kind of havoc had happened in his absence and starting to connect the dots, his expression more serious as he looked through the intel. “Well, I was right,” he said finally. “There will be ninjas.” 

“Excellent. When do we start?” Kate asked, leaning forward, but Kurt was quick to hold up a hand.

“You can’t possibly leave without at least saying hello to a few people here,” Kurt told Logan, shaking his head for a moment. “You’ve been  _ dead _ . They will want to see for themselves that you are alive — they’ll want to see you again. We can leave after that.”

“That sounds like you’re inviting yourself along, Elf,” Logan said with a smirk. “Is that your condition? I gotta be  _ friendly _ before we go?”  __

Kurt looked over at Logan with a  _ look _ . “I didn’t think I  _ needed  _ an invitation,” he shot back. “And besides, I just got you back,  _ mein Freund _ . I do not intend to let you out of my sights so easily.”

“That just made this whole thing sound like a lot more fun,” Logan said. “When do we leave, partner?” 

“As soon as you’ve said hello to the other teachers — the ones that are here, at least,” Kurt said in a tone that brokered no argument. 

“We’re gonna have to go before SHIELD shows up,” Logan pointed out. “I’m sure they know you took me here.”  

“Then we will just have to wake them up quickly,” Kurt said. 

“Let ‘em sleep and leave a note,” Logan countered. “You wake ‘em up now and they’re going to think we’re under attack.” 

“We certainly will be if Storm finds out you were here and never dropped in,” Kurt pointed out. “Half of them are gone right now anyhow.” 

“Can’t argue with that,” Logan replied. “You’re running the show — obviously.” He gestured to Kurt to do what he thought was best before he got up and started rummaging through the bookshelf in search of a bottle of whiskey. “I’ll just — what? Wait for you to figure it out?” 

Kurt just grinned broadly before he disappeared — _ bamf _ — only to reappear a few moments later with a half-asleep, still groggy, pajama-wearing Peter Parker as Logan tipped back his glass of whiskey then started to swirl the remaining liquid in the glass — the ice cubes clattering against the crystal. 

It took Peter a moment to register what was happening, and he outright stared at Logan as he rubbed at his eyes for a second. “So — sleepwalking? Sleep-bamfing? Right? That’s what’s happening here? We’re dreaming in tandem and you brought me here and I’m going to wake up in Madrid in my pajamas?”

“Now  _ that _ sounds like a good prank,” Logan said with an amused little chuckle. “Only slightly better’n putting Slim out on the inflatable mattress in the middle of the lake. What are you doin’ here anyhow, Parker? I thought you had to be a mutant or an alien to teach here.” 

“Your confidence in me is touching,” Peter said, shaking his head as he looked Logan over before he took a running start and just flat out tackled him in a hug that knocked him flat on his back. “But reassuring — must be you in there.” 

“Petey, you gotta let go,” Logan told him. “You spilled my drink.” 

“Not sorry,” Peter said, shaking his head. “Just making sure you’re solid and I’m not dreaming — or nightmaring.”

“I think I might be nightmaring — are you wearing Avengers pajamas?” 

That got Peter to release him quick as he practically sprang backward and looked down at himself. “Ah — Tony has a stockpile of merch? At the mansion?”

“Is that what he supplies his  _ other _ dates with too these days?” Logan teased. “What exactly did you have to  _ do _ for that merch, Parker?” 

Instead of answering, Peter just let out a long sigh and looked up at the ceiling. “Yep. It’s good to have you back,” he half-grumbled with his arms crossed. 

“Missed you too, Petey,” Logan replied with a smirk. “Even if you did spill my drink. Which — ” he handed the glass to Peter. “You spilled it — you can refill it.” 

“Been alive five minutes and already he’s turning me into a bellboy,” Peter grumbled, though it didn’t have much bite to it, and he was grinning.

Neither of them had noticed Kurt leave until after he returned — this time with a less-groggy but more wary Hank McCoy, who was looking Logan over like a science experiment before he took a few slight steps forward with a sniff. 

Logan just narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms as he waited for Hank to finish. He’d just started to open his mouth to say something when Henry pounced and positively crushed the air out of him. “Every bit of data I had said that you were dead,” Hank said in a rush. “How?” 

Logan just kind of tapped his arm — it was all he could do with his arms pinned in Hank’s crushing hug. When Hank released him, it was only to readjust his grip, and smile in a very tight way as he grabbed Logan by the side of his neck and one shoulder just... clearly tickled. 

“It seems the one we lost was from an alternate dimension,” Kurt explained while Logan was still getting his breath back. “This is the original. Cable brought him back.”

“Well we need to run some tests — make sure everything is where it should be... has your baseline changed? I need to check your abilities.” Hank was already running down his mental checklist as Logan slipped back away from him. 

“No, no. I’m fine — no tests. Forget it,” Logan said. “And you still have fleas.”  

“His healing works fine,” Kate piped up with a clear look of amusement, her feet propped up on one side of the chair that she was sitting sideways in. “Saw him fighting Skrulls, and trust me, if it wasn’t working, you’d  _ know _ .” 

“See? Eyewitness, we’re good,” Logan said as he stepped back from Henry. “Though — if you have a change of clothes for me before we take off again? That’d be great.”

In a flurry of little poofs, all of the bamfs disappeared at once, only to come back a few minutes later — every single one of them bearing a different outfit, except for the one who reappeared on Logan’s shoulder to jam a cowboy hat on his head. 

“Okay, that works too,” Logan said before he gave the little guy a smirk. He turned to Kurt with one eyebrow raised. “You have them trained now?” 

“They are  _ marginally _ more civilized,” Kurt explained with a shrug. “But only when they know that adventure is coming around the corner. They like you because they know what your reappearance means.” 

“That’s why I like him too,” Kate said with a muted smile, seeming to address the comment at the little bamf who had brought sweatpants and nothing else. 

“Well, now that you have a change of clothes or six — you cannot leave just yet,” Kurt said quickly, holding up both hands and then disappearing. It took him a bit longer this time to reappear with Storm, who was not in pajamas or a nightgown but in a comfortable set of slacks and a shirt and who looked far more prepared than either of the other two had been; Logan suspected Kurt had actually  _ told  _ her what was going on in better detail than he told either of the others.

She strode forward and simply wrapped her arms around his neck. “So — you are back.” 

“Sure looks that way,” he replied, tightening the hug before he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Glad to see someone with sense running this place for a change.” 

She shook her head at him. “And you have not changed either. I suppose you never do,” she teased lightly. 

“Too stubborn or stupid,” he agreed. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve come back to teach with us,” she said with a soft smirk as she looked him over. “That would be too much to ask.”

“That was the plan if you had a place for me — but SHIELD thinks I shouldn’t be doing anything yet.” Logan let her go to look up at her. “But I’m going to fix that and see where things stand.” 

“SHIELD has no business in my hiring practices,” she said with one eyebrow raised. 

“They seem to think otherwise — had to get creative to get off the helicarrier,” Logan said with a little smirk. 

“Please tell me you didn’t jump out of that thing again,” Storm replied with a weary tone. 

“Wasn’t alone or I would have,” Logan told her, gesturing toward Kate, who waved her fingers in greeting. “She was my accomplice.” 

Kate stuck her tongue out at him. “Partner. This is a teamup. You said no sidekicks.” 

“Accomplice gets equal charges leveled against them, don’t worry,” Kurt told her with a barely contained chuckle. “If they’re serious enough, you’ll get ‘co-conspirator’.” 

She flat-out grinned his way. “Well, that’s officially the most trouble I’ve been in with SHIELD if that’s the case.”

“It’s early,” Logan promised. “Doubt they have a full list of charges yet.”    


“Oh good. Dad would be proud — I’m a fully-realized criminal now,” Kate said, rolling her eyes but still grinning playfully.

“By the way, I’m not an Avenger anymore,” Logan said as he turned from Storm toward Peter and Hank. “Straight from Hill. So — actual charges this time.” 

“Puts you and me on equal footing, seeing as I wasn’t invited to the Avengers party either,” Kate teased. 

“Don’t worry,” Hank said. “You’ll be reinstated before this is over, Logan. That’s how they’ll let you out of the charges. Sign a new contract.” 

“I’m not signing anything if they don’t want to let her off the hook too,” Logan said before he turned Kate’s way. “Might be a little bargaining tool.” 

“I can yell at Hill on my own, thanks… But ninjas first, right?” Kate asked, looking between the X-Men with a hopeful sort of smile. 

“First, second, third, and last,” Logan agreed. “And we should be going soon.” 

“I’m sure we’ll be back soon enough,” Kurt said with a soft smile. “After SHIELD blows off some steam and this little problem is resolved.”

“I’m sure it just needs the Wagner touch,” Logan said. 

“I have no doubt,” Kurt agreed, grinning wider. 

“So... are we… teleporting our way across the country?” Kate asked as she absently tickled a bamf that was trying to get her attention again, twisting his tail around her wrist. 

“I’m taking a shower first — get rid of the goop from those Skrulls — and then we can figure out the details. I’ll see you in the hangar in fifteen,” Logan said. “Doesn’t matter to me one way or the other how we get around.” He slipped out the door and left the two of them to discuss it. 

“I kinda like it,” Kate said with a grin Kurt’s way as she settled deeper into the chair, nearly upside down and still smiling up at him. “The teleporting thing. I’ve decided it’s fun.”

“He’s overstating a bit,” Kurt told her. “He does care how we go. We’ll fly. The brimstone overloads his sense of smell, and I know it’s a bit more disorienting for him than most.” He tapped the side of his nose. “It’s the enhanced senses.” 

“Oh, well, that makes sense,” Kate said, nodding as she sat up a little straighter and looked around the room for a moment. “What kind of jet do you have? I just learned how to hotwire a SHIELD one if we need something small — or even if we just want to.”

“We have a very unique one,” Kurt said with a smirk. “And when it’s actually yours — you don’t need to hotwire it. Though we may need those skills down the road. You never know when you’re travelling with Logan.” 

“You’ll need  _ all  _ my skills down the road. Just sit back and be amazed,” Kate teased as she finally got herself untangled from the chair and stood up — and then was surprised when Storm crossed the room to put a gentle hand on her arm. 

“You seem to have a bit of Skrull blood on you, my friend,” Storm said with a kind smile. “Why don’t you come with me to clean up. I can give you something clean to wear —a nd to take with you.” 

“We won’t leave without you this time,” Kurt promised with a little smirk. “And Ororo will show you how to get to the hangar.” 

Kate seemed to consider this for a moment. “Can I take one of the little blue Cupids with me?” she asked at last. “They seem to be good at keeping up with you.” 

“They’re called ‘bamfs,’” Kurt explained as he ruffled the hair on one of them, affectionately. “And I doubt they’ll leave you alone — they seem to like you.” 

“Oh good. Then they’ll take me with you whether you want me to or not,” she said with a decisive sort of nod, which had several of the bamfs giggling. 

“Yes, they would,” Kurt said as he glanced at the chorus of giggling imps. “I think they want you to come along… And at any rate, they are helpful if we become separated. They can always find me.”

“That’s useful. I wish I had something like that for my  _ other _ partner,” she said with a little smirk before she nodded at Storm. “Okay. Clean clothes? That sounds lovely, thank you,” she said, gesturing for Storm to lead the way. “That’s really nice of you.”

Storm waved off the compliment and led her to her attic suite. Once they were apart from the boys and Kate had a chance to get cleaned up, and set up with clothes, Storm made sure to give Kate a bit of a heads up. 

“Those two together are more fun than should be allowed — but they are also _ pure trouble _ ,” she warned with a sly smile. “Keep on your toes and don’t let them get killed.” Storm shook her head with a fond sort of twinkle in her eye. “They really do need someone to watch over them, and from what I understand, a Hawkeye is every bit as observant as a weather witch.” 

Kate brightened at the compliment and nodded quickly. “I won’t let them get killed… but I can’t keep them out of trouble, you know. That’s not in my job description — at all.”

“Goddess, no. No one could keep them out of trouble,” Storm laughed. “When we have more time, I’d be happy to tell you how the three of us made a team when we all joined the X-Men together.” 

“I’ll bring pajamas and snacks,” Kate said with a teasing smile. 

“I look forward to it, Hawkeye.” 

Kate was a bit surprised that Storm accepted her half-joking invitation, but now that she had an opening? She was  _ absolutely  _ going to get her weather witch sleepover. With that in mind, she grinned and bounced slightly as they headed back down the halls. “Thanks again — seriously. I’ve always sort of been curious to see the X-Place,” Kate said with the bounce still putting a rhythm in her stride. “You guys have a really cool setup.”

“It seems to be in a state of constant change,” Ororo admitted. “Though I will admit it’s not usually our intention to redecorate and rebuild so often.” She smiled, her head tipped to the side a bit. “When you return, I’ll introduce you to our favorite room,” she promised with a sly look down at Kate.

“If you like it, I’m sure it’ll be fun,” Kate said with a light shrug as the promise just sailed over her head before she cocked her head at Storm thoughtfully for just a moment. “Any other tips on keeping up with the boys?” she asked. “I mean — that’s basically my job description, keeping up with and showing up people with more powers and experience than me... but you’ve got experience with X-boys.”

“Just stay close, and be prepared for them to do stupid things to save you — whether you need it or not. They may look like they’re involved in their own battles — but both of them will be watching out for you. Kurt will take you out of it, and Logan will take the hit for you. Don’t take advantage of it,” she advised. “And try to make them stop from time to time. They forget that they need rest. And water.  _ Water. _ Not whiskey.” 

“Feed and water them and don’t let them take chivalry too far,” Kate recited, listing the advice off on her fingers. “Yeah, I think I can do that.” She glanced Storm’s way. “Don’t worry — I won’t let them baby me. That’s how people get hit. And I  _ don’t  _ let people treat me like a china doll anyway. It’s a little rule I have, seeing as I’m the resident ‘normal’ archer girl.”

Storm’s smile only widened at that before she just shook her head and laughed quietly. “Good luck,” she said, “I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully. But for now, I”ll take you to the terrible twosome."


	3. Let There Be Ninjas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, y'all. This is the chapter we have been most excited to get to. Because this one? This is the one that launches our ridiculous ship and also, it has ninjas. NINJAS. We all know that's what we're REALLY here for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains depictions of violence, alcohol, innuendo, and a heck of a lot of kissing. Don't worry, guys, we keep everything PG-13 here. Things are definitely happening, but behind closed doors. We will only hint and tease and let them have their privacy ;)

When they reached the hangar and Storm pointed out the sleek black craft waiting for them, Kate ignored the smirk Storm was giving her at the outright delighted staring. “I have to call my ex and chew him out. He did  _ not  _ do that thing justice,” she said as she took in the  _ gorgeous  _ craft in front of her.  

“Who’s your ex?” Logan asked as he came around the corner — all cleaned up and ready to go. 

“Marvel Boy,” she replied. He just frowned at her for a moment, not placing the name. “Noh Varr? White-haired idiot alien? Great butt?”

He paused and thought it over for a moment. “Bug boy. Got it. Yeah. He brought it back clean. Sent Scooter into a fit though when he stepped out of it, from what I heard.” 

“He’s used to that,” Kate said with a little smile. “He’s very good at pissing everyone off just… being him. Not always on purpose, but you know — the whole Dark Avengers thing… all the other stupid...” 

“He didn’t bother me any,” Logan said with a shrug. “But I guess I might have missed some of that too.”  

She just shrugged lightly — it wasn’t something Noh had liked to talk about, so she wasn’t going to throw him under a bus. “Well, you’re the giant hug magnet. So — I’m not seeing anything bothering you.” 

“I am  _ not _ the giant hug magnet,” Logan replied dryly on the way to the jet, rolling his shoulders as if the insinuation was weighing on him. 

“You must not have been conscious for the last, oh, twenty-four hours, then,” she countered, her hands on her hips. 

“That — that is  _ not  _ how people usually react to me,” Logan defended, echoing her posture and looking more affronted.  “It’s usually an attack, not a hug.”  

“Bad guys don’t count, Giant Hug Magnet,” she shot back. 

“I’m not talking about bad guys,” Logan replied with a little glare. “I don’t usually get hugs. From anyone.” 

“The five bro hugs and Storm say differently,” she said, holding up her fingers as she counted them off. “I’m counting.”

“ _ They thought I was dead _ . Back from the dead hugs don’t count toward how huggable you are,” Logan countered. 

“Well then I can see why you don’t think anyone ever hugs you if  _ those  _ don’t count. You X-Men are  _ always  _ coming back from the dead. It’s like, your thing. Everybody knows that.” 

“It’s not our thing,” Logan grumbled. 

“Mmhmm.” She waved her hand dismissively before she tossed her hair over her shoulder and just grinned. “So. Ninjas. You promised me ninjas.”

He gave her a little glare. “Yeah. well. That’s the easy part. Ninjas will come to us if we go to the right place.”

“Okay, so we do the easy part, and then we do the rest.” She gestured at the jet. “Aren’t you and Nightcrawler going to show me around the new toy? It’s rude to keep a lady waiting.”

Logan looked to Storm, who was smirking widely, before he made a grand gesture for her to board the jet, half bowing. “By all means. Don’t let me hold you up. If you look carefully — there are wings and things and the whole thing goes pretty damn fast.” 

“Well, thanks. I never would have guessed with my own eyes,” she deadpanned as she climbed aboard, doing her level best not to stare some more once they were inside just because Logan was being so …  _ snarky.  _

“Hey — not sure what you were expecting,” Logan said as he stepped in behind her. “It’s a jet. Little fancier than most — but it’s still a jet. Seats. Wings. Supersonic, stealth — whatever.” He paused and looked between Kurt and Kate as Kurt was in the pilot’s chair. He smirked and decided he was going to  _ help. _ “Wanna learn how to fly it? Kurt loves to teach.” 

“ _ Please _ ,” she said quickly, all but bouncing as she scrambled over to sit next to Kurt, her earlier decision to try and play it cool going out the window at the opportunity to learn something  _ new _ .

“Well hello,” Kurt said, turning her way with a smile as she slid into the seat. “You are not the co-pilot I was expecting.”    


“Logan said it was okay if you taught me how to fly this beautiful masterpiece,” she explained quickly.

“Of course he did,” Kurt replied as he looked back at his smirking best friend. “He’s always thinking of other people’s  _ education. _ ” 

“Well, aren’t you a teacher?” she pointed out, then gestured at the controls with a wide grin. “So - teach!” Kurt just looked at her for a moment wide eyed, shaking his head lightly as he tried to find an excuse — or a correction - or … something. 

“More like a principal,” Logan called up helpfully from the back of the jet. “So he’s more of a — a teacher’s teacher. Or something. I don’t know. I didn’t go to public school.” Kurt bit back a sharp response and just shook his head for a moment at Logan’s meddling. 

“It’s normally something that we reserve for members of the team, but seeing as you got Logan’s clearance — he has a long history of letting anyone fly this jet... Well… I guess it wouldn’t hurt,” Kurt said at last, breaking out into a little smile despite himself. “You’re a much lovelier co-pilot than what I was expecting.” 

Kate just laughed. “Well you were expecting the grumpy hug magnet,” she pointed out before she settled into the seat and grinned over her shoulder at him. “Besides, it’s a strategic thing, if it’ll make breaking the rules easier for you. Storm says you two are trouble. Might be good if all of us can get the others  _ out  _ of trouble again. We should  _ all  _ be able to drive the getaway car,” she teased.

“She said that?” Kurt said with a growing grin. “I didn’t think our Goddess would throw us under the bus that easily,” he laughed. “I guess I’ll have to return the favor when we return triumphantly.” 

“Ooh. I’m  _ definitely  _ sticking around for that,” Kate said. “Though — it might well have been a favor on her part throwing you under the bus like that? I  _ like  _ trouble. Especially the adventure kind.”

“Then you’ve come to the right place it seems,” Kurt replied as he walked her through the take off procedures, and she stopped in her teasing long enough to give her full attention to what he was saying so she could  _ learn _ . Because this — was awesome. 

Not ten minutes later, he’d handed over the yolk and she was flying it herself. “I tend to agree with Logan when it comes to hands-on experience.” 

“I like your teaching style,” she said, the grin so wide it was threatening to split her face. 

“Some of our old teammates disagreed entirely with our methods,” Kurt told her, just watching her smile as she flew, beaming still as she looked from the controls to the view out the window. 

“Well, how are you supposed to learn anything if you don’t  _ do  _ it?” she asked, wrinkling her nose the slightest. “Sounds like they took lessons from Cap.” 

“Cap is a free spirit in comparison,” Kurt teased. “But our old fearless leader meant well.” 

“Oh, you poor dear,” she laughed. “Dealing with that kind of  _ well-meaning  _ nonsense.” 

“We didn’t get the reputation of being troublemakers by listening to him,” Kurt pointed out as he leaned forward a bit, pretending to check over the controls for something to do so that he wasn’t  _ just  _ watching her. “There was always a little rift there from the start. We just — took advantage where we could to have a little fun.” 

“Well, good. That means you actually know what you’re doing,” she said with a smile that stretched well beyond her eyes as she tipped her head his way and just laughed. “I  _ never  _ listen.” 

“I  _ think  _ I know exactly what I’m doing. But I have been proven wrong before.” He grinned widely at her and took in her laugh, his chin resting on the heel of his palm. “Oh yes, I think we can keep you around.”  

Kate shot him a wide grin with one eyebrow raised. “Well that makes things easier,” she said, still laughing a bit, before she turned her attention back to the controls — as they got closer to their destination and she knew she needed the help on the ending bit. “We’re just about at lowtown,” she said. “So — any tips on how not to crash land?”

“I might have a few pointers,” he said returning to a bit of seriousness. 

Kurt walked her through landing, camouflaging and securing the blackbird before he flipped on his image inducer and the three of them stepped into the dirty streets of Madripoor. However, Kate gave Kurt an odd look when his fuzzy blue self shimmered into a tall, average looking blonde, unused to such a drastic change so quickly. 

“If there is any appearance that will tip off the bad guys that we are here — it’s my loveable fuzzy blue face,” Kurt explained. “There are so many people that look like Logan right now, he’s just part of the scenery. This,” he said, gesturing to himself. “Is only to keep the element of surprise in our favor.” 

“Where did the tail go?” she asked at last, curious, shaking her head as she looked him over. She was impressed — even the details that would have made undercover more difficult the usual way with wigs and makeup looked normal. Rounded ears, flattened teeth… and of course, no tail. 

As Logan lit up his cigar, Kurt tipped up Logan’s hat, just enough to get his friend to shoot him a dirty look while the tail remained out of sight. “It’s still there,” Kurt promised. “Just hidden well.” She nodded her understanding, head still slightly tilted as she filed that information away in the back of her mind. 

“Keep that thing to yourself, Elf,” Logan grumbled as he straightened out his hat again, cigar chomped tightly between his teeth. 

“It’s just — I’m an archer. I like being able to  _ see  _ where everything and everyone  _ actually  _ is,” Kate explained quickly. “Easier to keep track of where not to shoot, and I don’t want to hit the tail on accident.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Kurt told her assuringly. “I’ll keep it close to me.” 

“Once we get busted, I’ll smash the damn thing for you,” Logan promised with a low growl. “I hate that stupid thing.” 

“Once we get busted, I will turn it off,” Kurt said, looking Logan’s way with a shake of his head. 

“So it’s not an ‘if’ then. We will get busted,” Kate said with a grin as she sidled right up next to Kurt, still halfway looking him over to test and see if she could spot any kind of subtle hints at the blue Nightcrawler underneath the image — which so far she couldn’t. “Good. I was promised ninjas.” 

“This place is crawling with ninjas,” Logan told her before he turned to Kurt. “Who’s running this place these days?” 

“That would be your  _ son _ ,” Kurt said quietly. When Kate looked up at him with a bit of surprise, he added her way, “I wouldn’t expect another hug should we meet up with him.”  

“Looking at the poster child for family issues. I get it,” she said with a quick nod and a mental note not to tease on that front. Hug magnet or not, she knew better. 

“Mom or dad?” Logan asked as he looked around them with a more easily recognizable grump on his face — he looked more like the older one when he did that, which was actually kind of comforting to know at least some things didn’t change. 

“Dad.” She shrugged up to her ears as she just sighed and gave her usual explanation. “Mom’s gone, Dad’s evil.”

“Every day evil or supervillain evil?” Kurt asked with concern as he stepped a hair closer to her. 

“Definitely supervillain evil, considering the guys he’s been running with. Kingpin for one.” Kate shrugged. It wasn’t something she had quite figured out all the pieces to yet. “I haven’t had the time to search through all his contacts yet, but I’ll get there — trust me.” 

Logan let out a little bit of a growl and Kurt tried to cover the look of irritation with a little misdirection for both of them. “It’s too bad you don’t have your eyepatch, Logan,” Kurt said. “It hardly seems like a trip to Madripoor without ‘Patch’.” Logan glared his way just a bit, but didn’t offer any commentary on Kurt’s suggestion.  

“I should have won that eyepatch in poker before we left,” Kate said, glad for the chance to talk about something that  _ wasn’t  _ her stupid father. “If I’d known it was a necessity.”

“Well I  _ did _ tell you to win it,” Logan shot back as he let out a breath and tried to relax a bit. A ghost of a smile returned as they turned the corner to head to the Princess Bar. “Wonder if Viper’s still in charge,” he mused quietly. 

“Of the bar? I believe so,” Kurt said, his frown deepening. “There was a lot of — _ tourism _ to that place after — ” 

“I don’t think anyone should profit from  _ that _ ,” Logan said, cutting him short. “I’m going to set things straight on that account.” 

“Actually, as I understand it,” Kurt said as they neared the place. “Daken put a stop to it.” Logan stopped and just blinked Kurt’s way for a moment in pure surprise. 

“He what?” Logan asked. Kurt just shrugged. 

“I can’t explain it except to say he must have had a change of heart once it was too late,” Kurt replied. It took Logan a moment to process before he shook it off and started walking again.

He paused at the door and turned to Kurt. “What kind of an entrance are we making?” Kurt just grinned as the doorman glared down at them. 

“I’ll leave it up to you — either way, you know that Viper isn’t going to be very happy to see you,” Kurt replied. “She’ll see it as a threat to her empire.”  

As they turned toward the doorman, Logan smirked as the man tried to block the path. “Invitation only,” the massive man told him, looking down his nose at their underdressed appearance.  

“Here to see the green lady,” Logan told him, and the bouncer paled a bit at the request.

“Do you have an appointment?” he asked, his hand resting on a weapon at his belt. 

“Open invite,” Logan told him before he raised his fist and popped his claws. “Run off now.” The bouncer zipped inside, abandoning his post. Logan turned to a grinning Kurt. “Guess we can go in.” 

“Well that’s one way to get an all-purpose pass,” Kate said with a laugh.

Kurt made to step through the door but Logan blocked his path and tapped his chest, his chin jutted out. “You do it or I will.” Kurt shook his head and reached up to flip off the inducer, shimmering back to his familiar blue form — tail and all. “Better,” Logan said and stepped out of the way for both of them to go in with him. 

“Much,” Kate agreed, relieved to be able to  _ see  _ him again. She was definitely not a fan of that inducer; she much preferred to have an  _ actual  _ line of sight on her partners. 

Kurt let out a low whistle as they stepped inside. “The Princess has changed since you ran it,  _ mein Freund _ ,” Kurt said as he took in the extravagant outfits and high stakes gambling going on. “It seems almost a shame to wreck it.  _ Almost _ .” 

“Let’s just play it by ear,” Logan said, reasonably just before he simply started the fight with the nearest bouncer that was headed their way. 

“I like this plan,” Kate agreed as she spun into a kick that doubled the second bouncer.  

Kurt raised an eyebrow before he bamfed away, moving the bouncers closer to Logan’s claws or dropping them from near the ceiling to fall on the gambling games, more often than not breaking the tables or worse. 

By the time they’d cleared out the bouncers, and most of the clientele had run out the front door, they heard someone bark out an order — and as promised, a massive wave of ninjas poured into the Princess Bar, through shattered windows and bashed in doorways, diving in to attack the three of them. 

“Finally!” Kate said, grinning broadly as she pulled out arrows two or three at a time and was clearly enjoying herself as her bowstring twanged happily. 

For a moment, Kurt was nowhere to be seen anywhere in the room as Logan and Kate enthusiastically cut down ninjas two and three at a time, but when he reappeared, it was with some serious firepower — for him. Three cutlasses, one in each hand and one wrapped in his tail, were helping him to cut his path through the ninjas — and Kate actually had to grin his way, laughing to herself as he stood there holding three separate fights with well armed ninjas. 

When Kate had shot through the ninjas closest to her and found the time to get a breath, she knew she had to take a second and just…  _ watch _ as the two X-Men fought through the ninjas. She’d never seen this kind of fight before, and it was a little bit spellbinding — especially the swordfighting. And honestly, it was unbearably adorable watching the bamfs with their own little blades. She shook her head to keep from laughing as a chorus of little growls filled the air when a group of them attacked a small knot of ninjas — and then she got back to work, smiling a little to herself. 

“Gettin’ better with that third one, Elf!” Logan called out over his shoulder with an obvious grin as he turned the ninja’s weapons against them. “Got a sec to take me to the suite?” 

“For you — of course!” Kurt said with a matching grin before he simply bamfed over to grab Logan and then disappear again, only to return at Kate’s side to continue the battle a few moments later. 

“What’s in the suite?” Kate asked between arrows. 

“Viper,” Kurt replied, blocking one attack and slicing into a different assailant at once. “I was right. She wasn’t happy to see him. At all.” 

“Should we, I dunno, help with that?”

“She nearly hit me with one of her darts,” Kurt admitted. “I’d say if we don’t have regenerative healing abilities, we should leave the exes to settle their differences alone.” 

She thought about it for a second and then nodded — she didn’t want to step into  _ that  _ mess. Instead, she tipped her head to the side to indicate the wave of ninjas still headed their way and grinned. “More ninjas for us, then.”

“Don’t you worry about that,” Kurt said, his smile only widening. “This is only the first wave.” 

“With promises like that, I may just have to keep you both,” she teased.

“How lucky for us,” Kurt countered with a cheeky grin.

As they worked through the last of the ninjas — and just before the second wave arrived, the door to the suite all but exploded as someone or something threw Logan through it and back out to the main hall. Kurt zipped away just long enough to keep Logan from hitting the floor before he returned to a spot near Kate with their little guide. 

“You two miss me?” Logan asked, bloodied and clearly a little stoned, with a handful of darts sticking out of him. 

She looked him up and down and then looked over at Kurt with a teasing sparkle in her gaze. “Of course we did. It’s not a party until we have a high Wolverine — don’t fall over on me,” she said, taking just a second to push her hair out of her eyes between waves.

“Just a heavy dose,” Logan said with a slur as he waved off the idea before the next group of ninjas poured through the window. “It’ll burn off in a few minutes.” 

“Well, we’ll just handle these guys in the meantime, then,” she offered. “You take a nap or something.” 

“Nah,” Logan shot back with a grin, taking more damage than he had been before — his reflexes a bit off from the poison. “I’m good.” With that, he headed right for the leading edge of ninjas and seemed to turn up the heat until the three of them had cleared the bar not only of ninjas and Viper’s bodyguards — but the entire place was completely trashed to boot, leaving the little team standing in a whole lot of mess and slightly panting.

“So,” Logan said as the chandelier fell to the ground with a crash. He was once again half-dressed and partly covered in blood. “What’s the next stop on our ‘welcome home’ tour? Russia, Japan, or Canada?”  

“Which one has the most trouble?” Kate asked with a sweaty grin as she caught her breath, hands on her knees. “Let’s go there first.” 

“I’m not sure we’re quite ready for that,” Kurt said. He sheathed his swords and considered their options for a moment as the dust was finally settling around them. “Let’s start with Russia. AIM had a lab in western Siberia last I heard.” 

“Refuel and head out then?” Logan said, looking Kate’s way. 

“First we make a pit stop. I have been reliably informed to make you two drink water and eat food and get sleep,” she ticked off on her fingers each point with a crooked grin and her hip cocked to one side. 

“ _ Water? _ ” Kurt asked with a twisted up expression. “That’s … cruel. We’ve whiskey to be drunk.” 

“And then water,” Kate said, hands on her hips. “I have a weather witch to have a sleepover with, so you have to play by the rules for five seconds.” 

“I can go along for five seconds,” Logan said as he tried to find a clean spot on his clothes to wipe the blood from his hands. “You okay with sushi? I know a place.” 

As she shrugged lightly and nodded, she was searching through the debris to collect her spent arrows. “I like sushi. As long as nobody’s wearing it.” 

“That would likely mean more ninjas,” Kurt said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And likely you mean that place in Japan.” Logan nodded at Kurt’s assumption. 

“Japan next then so we can follow the Goddess’ instructions,” Logan said with a shrug. “Besides — it’s closest.” He turned to Kate. “Those places where people wear it are for sleazy businessmen. I’ll take you to the best sushi joint in the Eastern Hemisphere. No California rolls.”

“No arguments on that front,” Kate said. She was used to a more sophisticated selection of food anyway — or else pizza. There didn’t seem to be much in between. And plus, he was right about the sleaze. He was  _ so  _ right about the sleaze. She was never ever going to get over the sleaze of wearing that stuff. Just the thought of it had her pulling her arrows out of the nooks and crannies with a bit more enthusiasm.

“Whadda ya say, Elf?” Logan asked Kurt’s direction with his best, most innocent expression. “You’re in charge of keeping us out of  _ too  _ much trouble.” 

Kurt looked between the two of them and gave an exaggerated shrug. “Japan it is, then.” 

“But — in the morning,” Kate said. “Unless neither of you actually need eight hours’ sleep and I’m stuck crashing on a jet floor?” she teased. 

“No, we’ll take a room,” Kurt said with a smirk as he took a few steps her way. “Food, whiskey — and maybe water if we’re really desperate.”

“Good. I’m kind of starving,” she agreed with a wide smile, putting away the last of her arrows. “Apparently, keeping up with you two takes it out of a person.” She paused and looked over both of them before she turned a teasing smile Logan’s way. “Any recommendations for a good place to stay? I’ll buy this time, seeing as you’re… very much off the bank books.” 

“Broke, you mean?” Logan offered. “Yeah, I know of a few places.” 

With that, Logan led them to the far side of the island and pointed Kurt — in his inducer so that he didn’t look covered in debris and blood — to the right place. He and Kate waited outside for Kurt to get to the room and then bamf them up. When he did, he had already turned the inducer back off, and the little bamfs seemed to be making themselves at home.

“I’ve already got room service on the way,” Kurt promised as Logan went to quickly wash off the visible blood and Kate got a good look at the room that overlooked the ocean.

She couldn’t help but head for the balcony with a little smile as she watched the rhythmic tide, and a few bamfs followed her, already clamoring for attention again. “I hope they’ve got enough to feed your small army,” she teased Kurt over her shoulder as she ruffled a bamf’s hair, and the little guy had his tail wrapped around her arm to swing around. 

“I ordered enough to feed Logan three times over — so we should just scrape by,” Kurt teased, joining her outside to lean on the metal balcony with a sideways smirk. 

“It’s no wonder he’s broke, then,” she said, grinning back. “Diet like that.”

“Can’t help that I’m not a cheap date,” Logan replied as he’d stepped out from his quick clean up - much less bloodied and in fresh clothes. 

“It’s good to have standards,” she shot back with a teasing grin before she turned back inside to settle onto the couch and immediately start playing with about five bamfs at once when they pounced on her as soon as she was seated. They didn’t seem deterred by her tickling at all and just seemed to keep coming back for more. 

“Be careful,” Kurt warned. “If they decide you’re friendly they’ll never leave you alone.” He gestured to Logan, who was sharing his whiskey with three of them. 

“They haven’t already decided that?” she asked as she finally managed to sit up a little straighter and corral a few of them away from her. “I’ve gotta work harder, then.”

When she turned back to look at one of them, the little fella kissed her cheek. “Bamf,” he said with a goofy grin. 

She absolutely melted into a huge grin and kissed the top of his head. “I’m keeping them,” she announced. “I know you said they’re yours, but that’s a dirty lie. They’re mine now.” 

“They have their own minds,” Kurt agreed, though he glared at the offender just the slightest. He looked Logan’s way and had to turn away from the ridiculously smug look on his friend’s face as Logan grinned and poured himself a bit more to drink. 

“So you didn’t ask the little guy to kiss me?” she said. She was laughing with her head tilted almost upside-down on the couch underneath her little pile of imps.

Kurt watched her a moment with a look of amusement on his face at her antics. “No, I’d do that myself,” Kurt promised as he took a seat near her. “I can’t let them have  _ all _ the fun.” 

She just laughed again as she absently ruffled another bamf’s hair, though she sat up straighter so she could look at him properly with her tongue between her teeth and a grin that meant trouble. “No, can’t have that,” she agreed. 

“Well don’t let me stand in your way,” Logan said as he got to his feet and drained the remaining whiskey from his glass. “I’m sure I can find something to do. I’ll go take a walk to start. See what’s changed in Madripoor and leave you and your flock of baby demons to play with your Hawk.” 

“Don’t get into  _ too  _ much trouble without us,” Kate said, waving her hand his way without looking at him. “No hogging all the fun fights for yourself.”

“Little ol’ me? I wouldn’t dream of it,” Logan said with a wink as he crossed the room, tucking in his shirt as he went. “You two go ahead and do any damn thing you think I would.” 

“I am clearly not stabby enough to do that,” Kate teased. 

“I’ve got other qualities you’re not familiar with that haven’t got a thing to do with stabbing or slashing.” He paused at the door and gave them a quick, very obviously troublemaking grin. “Good for you Kurt knows all about my rep — and has a few ideas of his own,  _ I’m sure _ .”  

Kurt was just smiling and shaking his head as Logan slipped out of the room before he turned back to Kate as the door closed. “I’m … sorry about … him,” Kurt offered. “I know he probably thinks he’s being subtle.” 

“I don’t mind, really,” she promised, entirely relaxed as she waved it off. “He’s actually more subtle than some of the  _ other _ people I run with. You should meet the lesser Hawkeye.”” 

“I have, and Logan is  _ capable _ of being subtle — he just chooses not to in moments like this.” 

“I’ve been the only girl — or one of the only girls — on the team more times than I can count. This really doesn’t even begin to move the meter,” she said, smirking the slightest bit as she was halfway watching for his reaction. 

“Be that as it may,” Kurt said with a smooth tone. “I wasn’t teasing earlier, but I can stop if I’ve made you uncomfortable.” 

The smirk turned into a genuine smile. “No — don’t stop on my account,” she said quickly as she sat up a little straighter and even leaned forward the slightest bit.

“Yours is the only account that matters in this situation,” Kurt countered as he covered her hand with his. “And I refuse to make you uncomfortable if I can help it.” 

The grin widened as she shook off a couple bamfs clinging to her arm still, and she scooted closer so she could properly tap him in the chest. “So are you going to kiss me or do I have to ask the bamfs to give you another nudge?” 

“I’d hate to make you wait that long,” he said before he leaned in and pulled her into a kiss. The little bamfs left her alone for the time being, and when the kiss ended, she had to smirk at the little line of them that were watching them from the foot of the bed, their heads in their hands as they laid on their stomachs. 

“We have an audience,” she said in a teasing whisper, though she didn’t make a move to put any distance between them, her breath on his cheek as she said it.

“I hope that’s not a problem,” he replied in a low near-whisper. “They really do know when it’s time to go elsewhere.” 

“Oh good. Because they’re cute and all, but there are some things I  _ don’t  _ do.” 

“Rest easy,  _ vögelchen _ ,” Kurt replied. “I’m not that much of an exhibitionist.”   

She draped both arms around his neck to kiss him again with a whispered, “I’ll be the judge of that.” 

“You are a troublemaker,” he replied with a wide grin. “When do we start?” 

She grinned back at him and then tilted her head to see that the bamfs were no longer lined up. “You tell me.”    
Kurt raised one eyebrow as he took in the total absence of his little blue buddies before turning his attention fully back to Kate. “I’m sure Logan can find a place to stay tonight,” he replied. 


	4. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our intrepid trio goes to Japan for a little family reunion, which goes about as swimmingly as family reunions go for... well, ANY of these three, actually. And there is a lot of bonding over the fact that they all have screwed up family lives. Seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mild swearing, references to drinking, depictions of violence, some innuendo, references to bad family drama, demonic stories, lots of Kart kisses, and depictions of undead ninjas going up in smoke.

The next morning, Kate and Kurt found Logan at the blackbird, smoking a cigarette and kicking back. He made no acknowledgement of them at all until Kurt called out that they were about ready to leave. 

“You two have a nice night?” Logan asked with a little smirk before he kicked off from his chosen waiting spot and threw his cigarette away from the jet. 

Kate just smirked his way but didn’t acknowledge him as Kurt grinned and shook his head at his friend, passing him by as the two of them climbed into the blackbird. 

“So — Japan, right?” Kate asked. She had settled into a seat close to the cockpit, eyeing it like she wasn’t sure which seat she wanted more. “That’s next on the grand tour of trouble?”

“Yeah, hope you still feel like killin’ ninjas,” Logan answered once he’d gotten the hatch closed . “We might just run into some while we’re there.” 

“Oh, it’s not a question,” Kurt said with a little smirk. “We  _ will  _ run into trouble there. It’s only a question of how many ninjas.” 

“Maybe they dialed back since I’ve been gone.” 

Kurt’s smirk only widened as he nodded.  “Like I said. It’s a question of how many.”

“Well, it’ll be late enough when we get to Tokyo — let’s head to that little place outside the city for sushi before we stir up that hornet’s nest,” Logan said, ignoring his friend’s jab. 

“I like this plan,” Kate said, grinning at the two X-Men over the top of one of the bamf’s heads — this little guy seemed to have decided she was his favorite, as the others were spread out, some just causing mischief, others hanging around Logan as if they were just waiting for him to give them something exciting to do. “Who’s flying?” There was a brief pause as Kurt and Logan shared a look. 

“I’ll take it so you two can spend a little more time in the afterglow,” Logan offered before Kurt could open his mouth, heading for the cockpit. 

Kurt laughed and shook his head at Logan. “Really, Logan.”

“You say that like I’m wrong,” Logan countered. “Doesn’t do you a damn bit of good to lie to me.” 

“That’s not what I…” Kurt shook his head again and just laughed. “Go on, then. I doubt I’d want to fight our Hawkeye for co-pilot duty anyway.”

“I’d win,” Kate said without hesitation but just settled deeper into her seat as Kurt sat down beside her and grinned.  

Logan shook his head at the two of them as he slipped into the cockpit. “Scott ever install a curtain — you know. Could be more like a limo situation that way. Give you two another twenty minutes anyhow.” He didn’t bother looking back as he started up the preflight prep. 

Kate rolled her eyes and looked over at Kurt. “Is he going to be like this forever, or is this a temporary sort of thing?”

“He’s teasing — and he’ll back off a bit once it’s not funny anymore,” Kurt said before he paused, a small sort of smile playing at the edge of his mouth. “Of course... if he finds someone to distract him for a little bit that would help tremendously.” 

She laughed and stretched her arms out in front of her, pretending to crack her knuckles. “Consider it done. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. He have a type?”

“No, actually,” Kurt said with a laugh. “But, he has a tendency to not behave if you’re obvious about it.” 

“We’re talking about Mr. Subtlety here,” Kate said, jerking her thumb over at Logan. “I thought he might like a little more… obvious setup.”

“He won’t go along with a set up,” Kurt told her. “Sorry to say.” 

“I wouldn’t either,” Kate admitted with a light shrug before she just let out a breath. “But hey — you said that’s how you get him to stop teasing. Now it just sounds like we have to  _ wait  _ and  _ hope  _ he finds someone more interesting to bother.”

“That seems to be the sum of it, yes.” Kurt shifted to make it a bit easier for her to lean on him. “It doesn’t mean we can’t introduce him to people and act surprised if anything happens.” 

Kate looked toward the cockpit and smirked. “That sounds suspiciously familiar.” She moved closer so she could put her head on his shoulder. 

“Indeed,” Kurt said. “But you should see what he did when Scott and Emma were a thing and no one liked it. It was  _ terrible,  _ from what Henry told me. He kept the videos and watches them when he is feeling low.” 

“Sounds like trouble,” Kate said, looking up at him with both eyebrows raised. “Keep saying things like that and I’m going to have to start making preemptive strikes against him if I want a chance at keeping you around  _ and  _ staying sane.” 

“Please do — those are the best kind,” Kurt agreed. “Of course, if this proves to be serious, he will stop entirely if you really can’t take it.” 

“Oh, I can take it  _ and  _ dish it out,” Kate said quickly. “But it’s nice to know there are signposts to this kind of thing.” 

“Good to hear.” He looked honestly pleased, too, as he laughed hard enough that she could feel it in his chest beneath her head. “Just — look at this as a trial by fire,” he advised, still smiling. “And I apologize in advance. He takes his duties as best friend and big brother very seriously.” 

“As he should,” she said, grinning wider now. “Gotta protect the blue fuzzball.” 

Kurt grinned right back at her and pulled her closer. “I suppose that’s true,” he said. “I am the more breakable of the two of us.” 

“Still.” She settled in deeper. “You shouldn’t let him baby you. I never let anyone do that to me.”

“You say that as if I can stop him. I have tried for years,” Kurt said with an amused laugh. “And it’s not so much babying as much as it is simply treating himself as a human shield. There’s no stopping him.” 

“Oh yeah?” Kate picked her head up to meet his gaze with a confident, cocky grin. “You shouldn’t give up like that. I can stop anybody.” 

“Then I’ll be sure to take careful notes,” Kurt said with a smirk. “I’ve tried for more years than I care to admit to stop him with no results. Clearly you are far more skilled in this area than I am.” 

“Watch and learn, blue boy,” she agreed. “If I had a superpower — which I don’t — but if I had one? It would be the whole — no one can stop me thing.” 

“Kate Bishop — Juggernaut,” Kurt teased. 

“Only much prettier and purple,” she countered with a little laugh.

“And without that ridiculous helmet, I would hope.” 

“Clashes with my outfit,” she agreed. She smirked up at him for a second before she added, “And it would get in the way of kissing.” 

He just laughed and pulled her a bit closer so he could kiss her in response.

It wasn’t too much later that Logan set the plane down in the outskirts of Tokyo, and the three of them headed off with Logan leading the way to what he promised was the best sushi joint in the eastern hemisphere. 

When they got there, Kurt didn’t even bother trying to figure out what was what and gave Logan the nod to order whatever he thought would be the best options after they took a seat at the bar. Logan gave Kate a look as if to ask what she’d like, but when she shrugged and left it to him, they just sat back and watched as the chef simply began serving  _ omakase _ _ — _ and quickly discovered that Logan had been right; the food there was  _ divine _ . 

When they were done, the sake started to flow, and Kurt and Kate were entertained by the chef as he and Logan started joking and laughing in rapid-fire Japanese. 

“The life of the party, this one,” Kate said in a teasing whisper. “No wonder he gets all the hugs.” 

“He can be a lot of fun when he’s in the mood,” Kurt agreed. “It’s when it goes the other way that things get — not so fun.” Almost on cue, the joking and laughter died down as it seemed the wait staff simply… disappeared. 

“Guess you’re not paying, Elf,” Logan said without turning around. “Not when the boy wants to start a fight.” Logan finally turned. “Hey, Kurt have you met the boy yet? Probably pissed off he didn’t get to kill me.” 

“We’ve been introduced,” Kurt said without a trace of the teasing smile. 

“What about you, Kate — it’s my understanding he held a torch for your ex.” 

“We haven’t been formally introduced,” Kate said, hands ready to grasp her bow in a second. “I’ll make sure it’s a memorable and lasting impression.”

Logan smiled before he turned to Kurt. “She’s sassy.” 

“Likely why you carted her away from SHIELD in the first place,” Kurt countered. 

“Way she tells it, she got me out,” Logan shot back.

“That’s right I did,” Kate said with a wide smirk, one hand on her hip, though she kept an eye on Daken the entire time. Noh had told her plenty of stories from his time in Norman Osborne’s Avengers, and she knew this was one guy she didn’t want to turn her back to.

Daken didn’t bother to address the two friends more than to glance their way for a moment, opting instead to speak only to his father in soft, angry sounding Japanese from a respectable distance, sounding more upset than angry the more they went on — though at some point, the conversation must have turned, because very suddenly Logan said something sharp and Daken seemed to lose his temper. 

All at once, both Kate and Kurt began to feel strange — nerves tingling, heart rate increasing, like the moment just before a chair tips too far forward. 

Logan’s voice sounded a bit tense as he explained quickly to the others. “He’s raising fear, anxiety, and anger levels,” Logan said. “He’s having a little fit since I didn’t come straight to him instead of SHIELD and people that  _ don’t  _ want me dead.” 

Daken answered with a snarl before he dove right for Logan, tackling him to the ground a second after he’d set down the empty sake cup — and moments later, the ninjas began to pour in to deal with Kate and Kurt, who were visibly shaken by the pheromones in the air that Daken had altered. 

The two ferals snarled and sliced viciously at each other, Logan using very little of the precision and grace that Kate had grown used to seeing since the beginning of their little adventure, instead tapping into the wild side and letting it loose while Daken did the same. 

Kurt was obviously a bit wider-eyed as he bamfed about the room and attacked the ninjas around them, though if Kate could have found a moment to concentrate, she would have seen that he wasn’t exactly being his efficient self either and had yet to pull a sword. Even the little bamfs seemed to be a lot more… demonic than usual, laying into the ninjas with much more rage and several little growls and with none of the occasional giggles Kate had heard up until then.

As for Kate, she was working on muscle memory to keep up a steady stream of arrows but swearing under her breath with every shot, as her breathing was more ragged and her heartbeat more erratic than was acceptable to get even half-decent aim. It was more a fact that there were so many ninjas that she hit any at all, if she was being honest. 

She was a bit surprised when she got a solid, killing blow in that the ninja she’d just hit suddenly evaporated in a cloud of thick black smoke. “That is  _ not  _ normal!” she half-shouted.

“Hand ninjas!” Kurt shouted back — the conversation seeming to help center him as he finally drew a sword and ran one through. “They’re already dead, so don’t be kind.” 

“Got it. No more nice Hawkeye,” she said as she narrowed her eyes and switched to simply holding her bow as a staff, since clearly, frustratingly, she couldn’t get a good shot. It was a much better strategy, as she was able to hit more ninjas — and harder, considering how downright  _ upset  _ she felt - but it was also clear that there were, frankly,  _ a lot  _ of them, and she was right in the middle of a decent-sized knot.

Then suddenly, as she was swinging her bow, the now-familiar scent of brimstone and fire surrounded her, and an instant later, she was on the other end of the restaurant, safe, sound and far from the center of the action. 

“Don’t  _ do  _ that!” she shouted at Kurt, who looked wide-eyed at her reaction and took a slight step back. “You don’t have to baby me. Just — give me a sword or something if you’re that worried about my bow-staff.” 

“I’m sorry — I didn’t mean to — ” he stammered for a moment before he simply handed her a sword and bamfed her right back to where she’d been standing. 

She nodded once at him. “If I need help, you’ll  _ know,  _ I promise,” she said through gritted teeth before she just switched her grip on the sword and plunged forward, her frustration clear as her form was not nearly the careful poise her instructor had crafted — but it got the job done.     


Frustrated with how that little display had gone, Kurt turned on the ninjas with a snarl of his own and started tearing into those nearest him, using bamfs to remove entire limbs only to angrily use a severed arm on another ninja as a blunt object. 

Daken’s fight with his father had gone as it always did. He was attacking Logan with every bit of force and skill and ability he had while Logan flat refused to do any real damage to him. It had been something that had always irritated him when they fought and as a result, he kept exponentially raising the pheromones as their battle waged on. Until, he suddenly realized that he might have taken the manipulation a hair too far when his father completely lost his mind  and all control to slip into a full on berserk rage — that was directed right at him. 

All at once, the manipulations didn’t work on Logan anymore, and as a result, Daken dropped it entirely and tried to hold his father back, speaking to him again in Japanese — though this time his tone was much less angry — and it sounded almost as if he was trying to talk Logan down. With no more pheromones being pumped in the air,  Kurt and Kate had the chance to get a latch back on their emotions as Daken simply tried not to lose a limb or worse, though any ninja too close to Daken and his father regretted their position quickly and left nothing but a pile of black clothes where they had once stood. 

Kate was smiling slightly as she took a few steadying breaths and got a better hold on herself - because now she could shoot again, and when she didn’t have to worry about terrified, shaking hands messing up her aim — it was just a matter of keeping the arrows coming. The bamfs were still growling and plowing into just about everything, but she could tell even they felt a little better when one of them outright giggle as she shot a ninja it had been fighting and the thing crumbled into smoke. She could also see Kurt across the room with two swords — the third still with her — as he fell into a rhythm of his own as well, and she had to grin, glad that the tide of battle had turned their way at last.  

The battle was turning quickly and all at once, Daken managed to put some space between himself and Logan before he realized he had to bow out — clearly conflicted with the way the confrontation had gone down. He left his ninjas behind him to stop his father from following him, though it did nothing for their health as Logan was likely stuck in that state until he burned himself out. 

When the ninjas started to retreat, Kurt got a good look at what Logan was doing and bamfed his way behind him to try and restrain his arms as he began to mutter over Logan’s shoulder quickly and quietly in an attempt to get him to calm down, though the still-enraged Wolverine made every attempt to do major bodily harm to Kurt — even going so far as to bash him into the wall behind him. 

Surprised at seeing Logan trying to throw off his best friend, Kate had to stare for a second when she saw what was going on before she reached for her quiver and called out, “I have a tranquilizing arrow if you need it!” 

“Yes, please,” Kurt called back. “That might help.” 

She loaded up her shot and took just a second longer than usual to make sure she didn’t hit Kurt — before she let it fly with a satisfied nod. She’d seen this stuff put down the other Logan, so she was pretty sure this would work. 

It took a few seconds for the tranquilizer to work, but all at once, Logan retracted his claws and stumbled to his knees and barely managed to prop himself up as Kurt let him go. 

Kurt backed away and watched him for a few moments. “Are you alright? Are you past it?” Kurt asked. Logan let out a sigh and nodded his head. 

“Did I kill him?” he asked, sounding a bit anguished at the thought in spite of the fact that it was fairly well established that Daken probably would not have been burdened had the tables been turned. 

“Do you see his body?” Kurt asked, glancing around the room himself — and though there were several dozen piles of black cloth, there wasn’t a body in the place. Logan shook his head and Kurt returned to help him to his feet as the sound of footsteps on broken glass echoed in the room around them. Daken apparently hadn’t gone far. 

“This was not how I wanted this to go,” Daken said softly. “And I’m still trying to learn better restraint.” Logan looked up at him, though Kurt hadn’t let go of Logan’s arm and the Elf looked ready to port them both out in an instant. “When you go to see Harada, I would like to join you.” 

“You won’t attack my friends,” Logan told him sternly, and Daken agreed quietly. Logan looked to Kurt first who just gave a very tiny nod before both of them turned to Kate. “Can you work with him, Hawkeye?”    


She sized Daken up for a moment before she blew out her breath. “Wouldn’t be the first Dark Avenger I’ve worked with.” 

“I’m no longer with that group — or anyone affiliated with them,” Daken promised, which actually got a bit of a smirk from Kate. 

“You won’t use your abilities against them either,” Logan added, and there was a pause before Daken quietly agreed to that too. With that, he stepped forward and offered his hand to his father to shake and the two of them took just a moment before doing just that and parting ways. 

Once Daken was gone — truly gone this time, Kurt let out a deep breath all at once and turned to his old friend. “Then are we done in Japan?” 

Logan looked up at Kate to see how she was before he nodded. “For now,” he replied quietly. “Let word get out before we go see Harada. Daken will probably speed that along a little bit.”  He tossed Kate’s tranquilizer arrow back to her.

She snatched it out of the air and then looked at it with a little huff of disbelief. “That stuff should have put you to sleep for an  _ hour _ .”

“It’s not exactly easy to dose me,” Logan said as he brushed some of the debris and broken glass out of his hair. 

“It put the  _ other _ you down for four, and that was a smaller dose.” 

“He must not have had a full stomach or a good healing factor,” Logan said with a little shrug. “That or someone else has tried to hit me with it before.” He took a minute to work his mouth around a bit before he pointed to his face. “Tastes familiar.” 

“It’s Clint’s,” she admitted. “I’m not usually one for the trick arrows myself, but sometimes his arrows end up in  _ my stuff _ because he doesn’t pay attention to things like inscriptions.” She indicated the ‘KB’ on her quiver. 

“Well there you go,” Logan said with a sigh. “He’s shot me before.” 

“So, what, did you build up a resistance to it?” Kate asked as she tucked the arrow back in the quiver and collected a few others that were still usable from around the restaurant. 

“Yeah,” Logan replied before he picked his hat up from the bar. “Pretty fast usually. Nastiest stuff takes a few times around, but it all wears out pretty quick.”  

“Good to know.” She collapsed her bow and then took a look around. “Do you think the cook will be mad at the mess we made? I kind of liked him.”

“He didn’t warn me that Akihiro was coming; he’s probably got insurance or a payoff. Or both,” Logan explained, jamming the hat on his head after he dusted it off properly. 

Kate shrugged at the explanation and then turned to her companions. “Well alright. So — bed, snacks, and water?” 

“Whiskey,” both men said at once in perfect unison. 

“At least I was warned,” she sighed out, rolling her eyes theatrically. 

Logan headed out of the restaurant first, and Kurt made sure to gently pick up Kate’s hand and hold it in both of his. “I am truly sorry if I upset you earlier,” Kurt said before he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her hand as gently as he knew how with his eyes closed. “I meant no insult.” Though, he didn’t release her hand once he had finished and lifted his gaze to hers. 

She let out all her breath with a warm, soft laugh, completely caught off guard by the gesture. “I — it’s… It’s fine,” she stammered with a bit of a blush. “I shouldn’t have shouted — I just… don’t like being treated like a china doll.” 

“I’m afraid it was more my own emotions out of control. I  _ know  _ you were capable and well prepared for it — but I lost myself and simply couldn’t stand to see you in harms way,” Kurt said earnestly. “It was  _ my _ weakness, not yours.” 

She tried to look a bit stern, though it was hard not to melt in the face of such a charming Nightcrawler. “It was just the psychic whatever, right? You’re not going to do that any time you think I’m in danger?” she insisted. “I have rules about this sort of thing.”

“Only if you truly are in mortal peril — if you don’t see something coming your way or if you ask for help — but I should have been more disciplined. That certainly wasn’t my first psychic attack,” Kurt said with a rueful grin. “I promise to show much better self control in the future.” 

She couldn’t keep the stern look up and just had to let out all her breath with a blush and a smile. “You… I still can’t believe you’re for real with half the stuff you say,” she said at last and shook her head. 

He frowned for an instant, still holding her hand gingerly. “It’s not a mark against me, I hope. That I was raised to treat a lady properly.” 

“No, no,” she said quickly, smiling wider. “No, it’s really refreshing. I’m used to people not meaning it when they’re this polite — it’s usually a front, not this…  _ genuine  _ charm.” She laughed and winked at him. “It’s  _ my _ weakness, not yours.”

“You flatter me,” he said with a bit of a light blush that rose up as the slightest purple on his cheeks. 

“Oh, if I was going for flattery, you’d know.” She took a step closer, eyes sparkling as she brushed the tips of her fingers over his cheek with the hand he wasn’t holding. “My favorite color’s purple, you know.” 

He grinned a bit and leaned closer to kiss her. “I’m sorry to say then that it’s not a common color for me. You’ll have to work hard to see it more often.” 

“That,” she said with a cheeky grin, “sounds like a challenge.”

“Consider the gauntlet thrown,” Kurt replied. “But as romantic as stolen kisses are over the remains of Hand ninjas, we really should catch up to Logan before he collapses or finds new ninja friends to play with alone.” 

“He’s a lot of work, your little friend,” she teased him. 

“He is, but he’s so much fun,” Kurt promised. “And I’d not pick out a better best friend.” 

“Then we’d better catch up.” She held onto his hands for a second and then grinned before she leaned over to kiss his cheek. “One more,” she teased. “You’re speedy enough with the teleporting to make up the time.” 

They headed out, the direction that Kurt was sure Logan had headed, but they didn’t see him anywhere until they backtracked a bit and nearly stumbled over him in an alleyway — the fight with Daken had apparently taken more out of him than either of them realized, not to mention the effort of staying on his feet to talk to his son while slightly doped with Kate’s arrow. 

“He really needs a keeper,” Kurt said with a frown as he looked down at the slumped-over Wolverine. “Grab on, I’ll ‘port us back to the jet.” 

She grinned and grabbed his arm as the familiar scent of brimstone and fire surrounded them, and then they were back at the jet. 

Kurt took a moment to make sure that Logan was okay and to get him properly secured before he turned back to Kate with a thoughtful sort of expression that turned slowly into a grin. “I vote we force a break on him — perhaps a hidden atoll in the Pacific? Somewhere tropical for a few days?” 

“I second the motion. Heartily,” she agreed, grinning ear to ear. 

He tipped his head toward the cockpit, and Kate followed him as he began to get the jet ready for takeoff. “I happen to know for a fact that there are a few of them programmed into the blackbird that are safe, and uncharted.” 

“Good to know,” she said, sliding into co-pilot, leaning back with her hands behind her head. “I haven’t been out in the sun and sand in  _ ages _ since I got back from California.” 

“Well we should fix that  _ schnell _ ,” Kurt said with a grin, his focus on the girl grinning up at him. 

The two of them got the jet ready, and Kurt let Kate run the takeoff, with Logan behind them, passed out and healing. After he showed her how to set the coordinates for one of the little atolls, Kurt leaned back with a little smile Kate’s way. “So — California. Is that where you call home?” he asked.

“Oh no.” She grinned and shook her head. “I’m from Jersey. I just did a little solo work in California for a while, when my… mentor? Friend? Obnoxious tagalong?... was being stupid.” She made a slight face and shook her head. “Everyone there was insane - supervillains included.” 

“Well, it was California,” Kurt teased before he watched her for a moment and let the laugh fall from his face. “Was this your first time working on your own?” he asked, genuinely interested.

“Well, my team sort of split up for a while, and I did the whole — stop a few pickpockets here and there before I caught up with the other Hawkeye. We sort of swore back then that we would stay out of the business, but…” She grinned ruefully. “I’m very bad at staying out of trouble. Apparently.”

“You don’t seem to try very hard,” he teased, his chin in the palm of his hand as he watched her fly. 

“Guilty as charged,” she admitted, and he had to laugh.

They talked quietly through the entire flight about, well, everything. Kate about the Young Avengers, Kurt about the X-Men — they had very few common experiences where the ground being tread was familiar to both of them, since they both seemed to run in very different superhero circles. 

By the time they set down in the atoll, Kate was thoroughly entranced in one of Kurt’s stories about, seriously,  _ space pirates _ . The real deal. She could just about have died of jealousy, and she’d  _ lived  _ in space for  _ months _ . It took her a moment to tear her gaze from him once they had landed and actually look at  _ where  _ they were. 

The little atoll was absolutely perfect as a getaway for a few days, and Kate definitely noticed the fact that the waters were crystalline blue, the beaches soft and white, and the weather warm and cloudless — _ very  _ romantic for what was supposedly just a place to let Logan heal — or so the story went.

Yes, she definitely took the time to lean against the jet and notice every single one of those things, while Kurt walked with Logan and talked quietly with the still-healing Wolverine. She was content to just take in the postcard view when Kate felt one of the little bamfs tugging at the pants of her uniform. When she looked down, a small had a beach ball between them — and they’d brought her a purple swimsuit. 

She laughed outright. “If you scamps give me five minutes to change, I will  _ cream you  _ in beach volleyball.” Though as she ran to find somewhere to change, she had to wonder where they heck they even found either the beach ball or the swimsuit. 

“Going well then?” Logan asked Kurt when they were well out of earshot, far beyond the jet. “Still, I should say.”  

“Even with your prodding and poking,” Kurt teased with a wide grin. 

“And here we are in a tropical paradise for me to  _ heal _ ,” Logan said with a smirk. “Tell me again why the hell you didn’t drop me off a few islands back?” 

Kurt laughed at his friend’s expression. “If I did that, you would never come back for us,” he accused him. “And we don’t need the entire island.” 

“True to the first — and why the hell not on the second? I would,” Logan teased. 

Kurt just shook his head at Logan. “I do not work the same way you do,” he said with a smirk. 

“Probably much better that way,” Logan agreed. “Seems like I only attract the crazy ones.” 

“Or perhaps you only  _ allow _ yourself to find the crazy ones,” Kurt countered, one eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, well - I’m going to go to the other side of the island and hunt while I  _ heal _ . You — you don’t worry about my poor choice in women when you have a sassy purple one to keep you company.” 

“I’d say you have at least excellent taste in traveling companions,” Kurt teased as Logan gave him a sly smile and nodded. “I almost suspect you of coming back with the express purpose of setting me up.”

“If that’s what it would take to give  _ you _ a shot at being happy? I’d fight through hell for that, Elf.”  

Kurt smiled warmly at his friend for a long moment before he let out a sigh and shook his head, looking up at the sky for a moment with a little smirk. “Well, let us be grateful that wasn’t required. I know you believed I was  _ hopeless  _ for a while there.”  

“I believed you’d quit trying. It’s nice to see you proving me wrong. See you in a few days or so,” Logan told him as he gave Kurt’s shoulder a little squeeze. “Show her who you are. She won’t be able to resist.” 

“Well, she certainly hasn’t been scared off so far,” Kurt said softly. 

“What the hell’s she got to be scared of with you?” Logan asked. “Loveable Fuzzy Blueberry.”  

Kurt had to laugh at that and just shook his head at the teasing compliment. “Don’t wander too far, now,” he said with a wide grin. “In a few days, we are still going to Russia.”

“Island ain’t  _ that  _ big,” Logan pointed out. “Just - try not to scare the wildlife.”  

Kurt shook his head and turned back to where they’d set up a beachside camp. He knew Logan was good to be gone for at  _ least  _ two days as long as he had something to explore, so he wasn’t worried overly much about his friend. But he had to stop in his tracks when he came upon Kate already in her purple bathing suit, her hair pulled back from her face in a ponytail and her bare feet already covered in sand. She had a pair of purple sunglasses and a tube of suntan lotion in one hand as she waved with the other. 

“I’m glad to see you’ve settled into island life quickly,” Kurt said with a growing smile as he walked up to her slowly, enjoying the island view. 

She turned to face him and grinned. “Well, I  _ was  _ going to crush those little bamfs of yours in volleyball, but they’ve scampered.” 

“They are troublemakers,” he said with a smile. “Not that I should be surprised.” 

“Well, they’re learning from the best,” she said, slipping on the sunglasses just so she could look over the edge of them with a teasing grin. “Or so I’ve been told.” 

“Either they’ve learned from someone else or someone has been telling vicious lies about me,” Kurt laughed out. “I’m an angel.” 

“With a crooked halo,” she countered, laughing as well as she took a few steps forward so she could pretend to straighten something above his head. “Remember? I like trouble. Can’t hide it from a Hawkeye.” 

“Well,” he said thoughtfully. “I suppose you would be suspicious if I tried to hide anything from you regardless.” 

She grinned and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You don’t have a deceitful bone in your body,” she told him with a careless laugh. 

“You might be surprised about that,” he countered, his smile broad and a hint of laughter in his voice.

She smirked. “Surprise me.” 

“Oh, I think I’d like to stay on your good side,” Kurt replied. “There will be time later for surprises - though if you weren’t surprised by a fuzzy blue elf, I’m afraid you might just be bulletproof in that regard.” 

She laughed at that, the smile stretching wider as she put her hands on her hips. “My best friend Billy warps reality on a daily basis, and I used to live in a spaceship powered by teenage delusions. Your fuzzy blue self doesn’t even make the top ten list.” 

“I’m not sure if I’m insulted at that or not, but I think … that is a bit reassuring,” Kurt replied. “To  _ not _ crack the top ten of strange... but you may want to reserve ranking until later.” 

“It’s not an insult. You’re on a different list for sure — not one made of strange things.” She grinned at him and bit her lower lip. “Remind me to tell you about a mind-altering dimension eater who literally turned my friend into a chair. A  _ chair _ , Kurt,” she said. “You — you’re darling. Not scary at all.”

He just smiled at her sedately. “You could tell me stories all day and I wouldn’t complain.” 

She looked down with a sudden blush and shook her head. “You’ve been doing this longer than I have. You must have much more interesting stories.”

“I believe you’ve heard most of the highlights already — Magneto, Avalon, Genosha, Krakoa, Shi’ar wars, Phoenix dealings, sentinels, leprechauns, space pirates, actual pirates … there’s always something going on.” 

She laughed again. “See? You get space pirates. I get flaming zombie bellboys.”

“Yes, well… flaming zombie bellboys sounds infinitely more interesting than senate hearings — which we’ve had to attend as well,” Kurt pointed out. 

She made a horrible face. “I know all about those,” she admitted. “Politicians are almost as horrible as some of the businessmen I’ve met. But — I met some pretty shady ones. And those guys? Those guys were the  _ worst _ . Can’t believe I had to  _ dress up  _ to be in the same room as those creeps,” she said, waving her hand. “At least supervillains have the decency to  _ own up  _ to being evil.”

He reached out to take her hand and lead her under the shade of some palm trees to relax in the sand. “So I take it your dear father is a politician? Anyone we’ve had to fight publicly?” 

“My dad  _ owns  _ politicians. He isn’t one himself,” Kate corrected him gently, drawing little lines in the sand with her hand as she settled in beside him.  

“Businessman then,” he said as he propped himself up on one elbow, reaching over to complete some of the lines she had drawn into crosses with the tip of his tail. 

“Bishop Publishing,” she said with a nod. 

“Books,” Kurt said with both eyebrows raised as he inclined his head her way. “That can’t be entirely evil then.” 

“Magazines, books, all that stuff — and yes, yes it can,” she said, shaking her head. 

“I didn’t realize — I mean, certainly pushy salesmen, but — ” He let his tease fall with a little shrug. “It could be worse.” 

She propped herself up a little taller. “He runs with supervillains. As in people who actively try to actually kill me on a daily basis.”

“If you want to compare, my father is a demon from hell. It _ can _ be worse.” 

“Mine is too,” she said with a little smile, and when he held her gaze, she raised an eyebrow. “Oh — you mean literally?” He nodded his head, his expression a bit sheepish. “Well then.” She paused, looked down for a second at the lines they had drawn, and then looked back up with a grin. “I meant literally too.”

He burst out laughing and laid back on the sand. “Then condolences on your incredibly evil father. I’m sure the two of them take tea together while they plot the downfall of humanity through horrible grammar.”

She fell into laughter as well, shaking her head at the mental image. “Oh for  _ sure _ . Death to the Oxford comma and all that.” She was still laughing as she laid out beside him. “Do they heat the kettle or just take it straight from the fire?” 

“Good question. I’ll have to ask next time I pop through hell.” 

“Well don’t go dying on my account,” she said, shaking her head. “And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t go to hell. For the record.”

He smiled at her for a moment before he took a deep breath and came mostly clean with her. “I pass through regularly, actually. When I teleport. That’s where the brimstone smell comes from.” 

She sat up off of her elbows, peering down at him so she could watch him better. “Really?” she asked, both eyebrows up, almost like she couldn’t quite believe him.

“Yes,” he said with a nod. “It’s not something I was entirely familiar with until fairly recently, though I’ve been doing it for years.” He tilted his head a bit. “So technically, I flit through dimensions too I suppose.” 

“Oh, well that part I can understand,” she said, settling back down on her elbows before she just waved it off. “Makes sense.” 

“You’re the first to say as much quite so quickly, but enough of that for now,” Kurt said. “Can I interest you in a swim?” 

She propped herself up on her elbows and looked him over for a second. “I bet I can beat you to the water in a fair race,” she said, eyes sparkling. 

“Define fair,” Kurt teased. 

“No teleporting.”

He acted put out for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “Even if I take you with me?” 

“Oh, well,  _ that _ is entirely different,” she teased. 

“Well then, if I haven’t scared you off,” he offered his hand to her with an almost shy smile, and she not only took it but pulled his hand so they were closer. 

“Going to have to work harder to scare me off,” she told him as she poked him in the chest with her index finger. “You’re still not in the top eight.”

“But I’ve broken the top ten?” He asked with a raised eyebrow as he leaned forward a hair. 

“It was the hellfire thing,” she admitted. 

“Ah, well. I try to keep a policy of honesty,” Kurt told her. “Even if it makes me look bad in the long term.” 

“Honestly? I’d have been madder if you didn’t tell me,” she said with a light shrug. “And as long as you say it’s not a permanent trip, it’s… kind of fun. The teleporting thing.”

“No, it’s not permanent. I don’t think anyone has ever gotten a glimpse of it when I ‘port with them, to be honest.” He paused and leaned a bit closer. “But I wouldn’t advise even a Hawkeye to try.” 

“Well now I’m stuck between curiosity and self-preservation,” she laughed. 

“If you want details on what that’s like, you’d be better off to just ask Logan when he’s feeling down on himself. He’s been through it a few times.” 

She looked downright shocked. “ _ Why _ ?”

“Ah, well,” Kurt said looking down. “The truth to that story — he and my mother do not get along at all, and she managed to send his soul there. I don’t believe she was ever so in fear for her … well... everything as when he came back.” 

“And Logan brushed me off when I said coming back from the dead was the usual for you guys,” she said in a low mumble. 

“Technically, he wasn’t dead at that point,” Kurt said. 

“Well. Details.” She said, ignoring the urge to just… look at him in total disbelief as she instead shrugged up to her ears. “You don’t hear Avengers talking about this kind of stuff, you know.”

“I suppose they don’t deal with the same issues as we do,” Kurt said with a sigh. “The short version is that his soul was in hell while his body was possessed by a league of demons. They truly enjoyed his near indestructibility a bit too much.” 

“That… sounds all sorts of dangerous,” she agreed.

“Terrifying,” Kurt nodded. “He only got out after fighting his way through hell — besting the devil himself — and forcing the demons from his body. It was a hard week for him.” 

“ _ Week _ ?” She shook her head at him after a moment of surprised silence. “He’s just surpassed you on the list.”

“About a week, yes — and I’m still surprised he made it through.” He watched her expression of disbelief for a moment. “I’m glad he’s higher on your list. He definitely has dealt with more horrible things than I have.” 

She just shook her head again, a little disbelieving chuckle escaping her. “Remind me to just… next time I see him, take back all the things I thought about older him. He has every right to be a grumpy sourpuss if he’s  _ that  _ old and the younger version’s already got stuff like that on his resume.”

“To be fair? I’m not entirely sure the older one had all the same experiences, from what I understand. The fact that this one isn’t a completely vicious beast hiding in the wild is nothing short of a miracle.” 

“Has anyone ever told you that you have very strange taste in best friends?” she asked. “Not bad — just… strange. Not that I can talk.”

“We complement each other well, I like to think,” Kurt said. “We’ve both learned a lot from the other, or - I’d like to believe as much.” 

She grinned at him. “Well — seeing the two of you fight  _ alone _ , I think, should answer that. You can see it in the styles when you get into a good fighting rhythm with each other. But... I notice things like that.”

  
He smiled at her for a moment before he leaned in to steal a quick kiss. “I’d like to hear about your other observations,” Kurt told her. “Right after we go for a swim.” He gave her a quick smile before he scooped her up and teleported about ten feet over the surface of the water. 


	5. The Kart Guide to Flirting: A Wade Wilson Production

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Deadpool shows up, because it's not a party until Wade Wilson is taking selfies and declaring his love for the internets and posting pictures of our newly minted couple together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains depictions of violence and blood, some serious kissing and romance (gets a little steamy, but we keep it PG-13 guys), innuendo, the usual nonsense of Deadpool being unable to keep his mouth shut or his clothes on, mild swearing, and did we mention Kate and Kurt can't keep their hands off each other? Because they can't.

A couple days of sunshine and South Pacific sunsets passed, and Kurt and Kate were stretched out on a towel on the beach, listening to the lapping waves and soaking up a few rays. Kurt was watching the bamfs playing beach volleyball with each other and had thought Kate was asleep in the warm sun beside him until she very suddenly picked her head up to look his way.

“Did you bring bug spray?”

“What?” Kurt asked with a blink. 

“Bug spray. If we’re going to find your little buddy in the forest, I’m  _ not  _ getting eaten alive,” she said, pushing herself up to her elbows. It was the first time she’d indicated that she was ready to go - but now it looked like she’d just made up her mind to get back to superheroing. 

“No, I’m afraid it’s not something we keep on the blackbird unless we know we’re headed to the Savage Land.” 

She let out a breath that blew a strand of hair across her face. “Well, I’ll just have to resign myself to being eaten alive, then,” she said, a small smirk on her face. “Unless you have a better way to find our adventure partner?”

Kurt smiled a bit to himself and a moment later a pair of bamfs came up to him with quizzical looks on their faces before they muttered out a string of ‘bamf-speak’ that apparently Kurt could easily understand. “No, take your time but bring him here, please. I know he’ll be hiding, but I trust you to find him.” The two little bamfs nodded and disappeared in a swirl of smoke that hung in the air for a moment. “They’ll do the hard part of finding him and then I’ll go get him,” he said easily as he just leaned back to relax once again. 

She pushed herself up until she was sitting. “Just when I thought you couldn’t surprise me,” she teased. “Is there a secret to learning their one-word language?"

“I think you just start to  _ know  _ what they’re saying. I think Logan understands them some of the time, much like how he understands them,” Kurt said thoughtfully. “Henry is baffled by them both though.” 

She leaned back on her arms again, grinning crookedly. “He overthinks, if what you’ve told me is true,” she said before she flopped back down again, this time on her back instead of her stomach. 

“It is quite true,” Kurt replied as he turned on his side to watch her. “That or Logan is just a bit more open to the possibilities.” 

A few moments later, one of the bamfs returned and tipped his head to the side before uttering out his favorite word - and after a quick glance Kate’s way, Kurt disappeared, only to return a few minutes later with Logan, who looked positively relaxed in spite of the torn clothing. 

“You sure you lovebirds are ready to pull up stakes?” Logan asked as he walked toward the jet at an easy pace. 

Kate stood up and shook out the towel before she wrapped it around her waist. “I was promised adventure. Sun and sand is nice, but being a superhero is  _ the best _ .” She grinned at both of them before she winked at Kurt. “And in the best of company.” 

“I think it’s time we turned an AIM lab upside down anyhow,” Kurt said. “I hope you can handle temperature shifts well,  _ Vögelchen _ .” 

“As long as there’s coffee at the end of the day,” Kate assured him and then leaned down to tickle her favorite bamf. “I’ve got a winter suit packed away somewhere too, just for stuff like this.” 

“Logan will steal you a carafe if that’s your price,” Kurt assured her. “I think he likes your interpretation of backup.” 

She looked up with a teasing grin. “Well, if the best friend likes me…” She just let the grin widen until she fell into a laugh. 

“I don’t think we’re out of teasing territory though,” Kurt warned. “Not  _ yet _ .” 

“Like you’d have it any other way,” she shot back, still laughing quietly, though Kurt noticed she didn’t say anything further but to just bite her lip at him.

“You’re right. I didn’t think it possible, but I’ve even missed the picking and sass from that one,” Kurt agreed as he pulled a shirt over his head. 

“I  _ thought  _ you were going through withdrawals,” she teased him. 

“If you two are done?” Logan said. “I can pick on both of you and fly at the same time.” 

“And those are only some of your many talents,” Kurt said, still grinning as he nodded and moved to follow Logan into the jet, Kate following behind with a bamf in each arm, one of which had stolen her sunglasses to wear for himself

“Most of the rest involve screaming though,” Logan called back. 

“Or whiskey!” Kurt countered. 

“We’re out of whiskey,” Logan told him. “Got thirsty and didn’t want coconut water.

“I’m going to buy you a big water jug with your face on it,” Kate warned as she finally managed to snatch her sunglasses back.

“Good.” Logan replied. “I’ll fill it with whiskey.” 

“After you drink the original contents. I  _ will _ make you do that first.” Kate put her hands on her hips with her best confident grin. 

“Sounds like a challenge  _ for you _ ,” Logan said, one finger pointed her way. “But you can try, I suppose.” 

“And I’ll win. I always win.” 

“That’s gonna be a problem,” Logan argued, shaking his head solemnly “I always win too.” 

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” she said, waving her hand. “I’ll be sure to let you drink whiskey to drown your sorrow  _ after  _ I win.” 

He barked out a little laugh as they headed for the plane. “Oh, that’s just not how it’s gonna work. But it’s okay, I’m sure there are groups that’ll help you get over your first loss.” 

“Speaking of yourself in the second person, of course,” she shot back. He just grinned her way as Kurt came to stand next to him, chuckling under his breath at the two of them. 

He tapped Kurt in the chest with the back of his hand and tipped his head Kate’s way. “Oh yeah, she’s fun.”

Kurt just grinned to match him. “I may have noticed already.” 

Kate beamed at both of them as she practically vaulted into the co-pilot’s chair. “So - give me some coordinates. I’m pretty sure I remember how to set them.”

“Kurt’s your navigator,” Logan called up to her. “You’re in the wrong damn chair.” 

She let out an actual squeal and then clapped both hands together as she slid over into the pilot’s seat. “Oh, yes. Yes I like this a  _ lot _ .”

“You spoil her,  _ mein Freund _ ,” Kurt told Logan quietly as he closed the hatch behind him. 

“She’s a good kid,” Logan countered with a shrug. “And you know if she’s gonna hang with us - she should know how to fly it alone anyhow.” Kurt nodded his head in agreement before he clapped Logan on the shoulder for a moment and headed up to the cockpit. 

“Relegated to co-pilot on my own plane,” he said with mock disappointment. “Such a disgrace.” 

The flight to the AIM facility was an easy one; there were no hiccoughs in their flight - the landing was easy, and both Kurt and Kate were dressed for the considerably cooler weather by the time they stepped out of the jet. Kate’s peekaboo holes showed a darker purple underarmor that kept in the warmth, while Kurt was wearing a thicker uniform for the cold. Logan, as always was in his usual sleeveless yellow and blue with no special adjustments of any kind. 

As they approached the facility Kurt finally turned to Logan. “I know this was in SHIELD’s records, but what, precisely, are we aiming to do here?” 

“They’re trying to manufacture a healing serum,” Logan said. “Apparently Ogun was helping Cornelius to manufacture it. At least, according to the records _ I  _ saw. And SHIELD thinks that they might be trying to splice part of my DNA to kids - the old ‘build a super soldier’ angle.” He turned to look at Kate with a dry expression. “Because they’ve had  _ so  _ much luck with that in the past.” He paused a moment just looking down on the building. “I want to put an end to it and wreck their research.” 

“Yeah, the super soldier attempts tend to make things  _ way  _ worse.” Kate shook her head and followed his gaze. “For a group that boasts about how big their brains are, they are… very stupid.”

“Not sure if it’s that they’re stupid or if it’s just more complex than they want to admit to,” Logan said in a muted tone. “They’ve sure screwed up a few people trying to make it happen in the past.” 

“Then let’s make sure they don’t do so to anyone else,” Kurt said, nodding quietly. 

The three of them slipped toward the facility - half buried in the Siberian tundra. Infiltration looked like it was simple enough - that far into the middle of nowhere, there were very few possible visitors and even less in the line of unfriendly infiltration. 

Kate pulled her fuzzy purple earmuffs down tighter over her head, and one of the bamfs tugged at them as well, trying to help. She looked ahead of herself to where Logan was leading the way and frowned as she turned to Kurt. “Why is he wearing a sleeveless uniform? I get the healing thing, but - seriously.”

Kurt just laughed a bit to himself before he tried to answer her. “He’s rather weather resistant,” Kurt explained. “It’s part of his mutation, I believe - he does well in freezing weather and prefers the cold more often than not - though sub arctic temperatures don’t do him much justice, healing or no.”  

“I’m getting cold just looking at him,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s a good thing there will be coffee later.” 

“If you’re really cold, we’ll _ sich schmiegen _ for warmth,” Kurt suggested with a grin. “I’m told the blue fur is … helpful in cold weather.” 

She looked him up and down with a grin to match. “Yes. I bet I could hide my face in there and be just fine,” she teased, touching a gloved hand to her red nose. 

“Before or after we’re done with the mission?” he teased as his tail wrapped around her waist. “I wouldn’t want you trying to aim while you’re shivering.” 

“Your concern is noted and downright adorable,” she replied, laughing, as she pulled on her earmuffs again. “I’m hoping it’s warmer inside, and fighting bad guys does get the blood pumping…”

“I can think of better ways to get your blood pumping, but if you insist on a fight, then we’ll just have to start there,” Kurt said with a smirk. 

“It’s a good warmup,” she agreed. 

When they got to where Logan had taken up a scouting post, he was smirking to himself. “I’ll try to make this quick,” Logan promised. “Zip in, zip out - I’ll rush to the jet so you two can take your time coming back.” He quit trying to hide the smile that was threatening to break loose. “Maybe they have a picnic you can steal while we’re in there. Make a thing out of it. You know - food instead of just sex so you don’t wear down too bad. I’d still avoid the water though.”  

Kurt had to shake his head and laugh at Logan, his face pointed up at the sky, but then there was a little  _ pfft  _ sound, and he looked back at his friend to see that the remains of a snowball were plastered across the side of his face.

Kate was standing there with hands on her hips. “I will get water in you some way or another,” she threatened teasingly. 

Logan just grinned back at her before he packed up a snowball and whipped it at her. “You first.” The snowball hit her in almost exactly the same spot she’d nailed him. “Turnabout and all that.” 

She looked downright surprised for just a moment before she broke into a grin. “Oh, you are eating  _ so much snow _ ,” she declared as she just started to stoop down and pack up snowballs to throw his way as fast as she could while he did the same. 

The bamfs quickly divided up and picked their sides as the impromptu snowball fight began. It was short, as both of them were great shots - and were half soaking wet with snow by the time Kurt asked if they had a mission to attend to or if this was simply an exotic locale for them to act like five-year-olds. 

Logan paused just long enough to twist at the waist and whip the snowball in his hand square into the middle of Kurt’s forehead. “Spoilsport.” Logan brushed off most of the snow he’d had plastered to his shirt before Kate sent her last snowball his way - hitting the side of his head again with a grin. 

“Oops,” she said in a giggle. “It slipped.” Logan just half smiled at her before pointing a finger her way. 

“You’re goin’ down, Bishop. Later,” he promised. “Just be happy we have people that need saving.” 

“I’m here anytime you want to get your butt handed to you,” she countered with her hands on her hips and a huge grin on her face. 

“You got it,” Logan replied with a shake of his head. “How about we just get down in there and nail these creeps. I’m thinking basic maneuver number three, you on board?” He was looking at Kurt, who just nodded seriously. 

“I think that would be best, yes,” Kurt agreed before looking to Kate. “Number three?” 

She looked them both over for a second and crossed her arms. “I - am not a telepath. I don’t know what that is unless someone wants to, oh,  _ use their words. _ ”

The two X-Men gave each other a look before Kurt explained, “It basically means we break the place up in whatever you think will do for pure destruction.” 

“But - keep the innocents clean,” Logan clarified with a raised eyebrow. “Kinda wrecks the whole point when you get civilian casualties.” 

“Save the kids, break stuff - see, that wasn’t so hard to explain!” Kate said with a teasing grin. 

“No, but it sounds more sneaky when you give it a number,” Kurt said with a laugh. 

“So flashy,” she smirked. “You’ll have to teach me the rest later. Private lessons.” 

“We only use a few numbers - and some have been switched over to code names,” Kurt said as they came up on the facility. “Though our favorite isn’t one that either of us can help Logan with.” 

“I’ll want to see that one when we’re done with the trouble tour,” she said, reaching for her bow now that they were closer to the AIM lair. 

“Unless, of course, we find a way to add it to the trouble tour,” Kurt amended with a smirk. 

Slipping into the facility itself was easy enough for the trio, and they quickly made their way toward the labs from their makeshift window entrance. They were ready to burst through the metal lab doors, weapons raised as Kurt did the countdown, when a  _ perfect _ Tarzan yell broke the near silence and a red and black unitard when flying past them on a climbing rope.

Logan swore under his breath before he kicked the door open and the three of them rushed in to join the now in-progress battle that Deadpool had started for them. 

“Keep out of friendly fire,” Logan half-barked toward the two of them before he dove into the fight, claws out and swinging. 

When Kurt looked her way, Kate raised an eyebrow and with a teasing warning said, “Don’t worry. I’ve played with Deadpool before. You don’t need to watch my back,” before she ran out to just start shooting. 

Kurt followed Logan’s lead, keeping half an eye on Deadpool the entire time even as he had brought all three blades into play - and teleporting out of the way when the red-and-black-clad menace got a bit too close for comfort. 

But despite Kurt’s careful avoiding, Wade let out a loud squeal when he spotted Kurt - or more properly, when he saw the bamfs of smoke as Kurt tried to keep teleporting away from him. It was just proof of how much Wade thought of him as he fought tooth and nail, even stepping on his opponent’s heads and shoulders, in his attempt to get closer to the Amazing Nightcrawler.

“Nightcrawler! What’re you doing here of all places?” Wade called out with a chuckle. “C’mere and gimmie a hug you big, beautiful Bamf!” 

“I’m trying to stop some evil, Wade - the greetings will have to wait,” Kurt called back to a clearly disappointed Deadpool. 

“Well - hugsies later though, right?” He asked with a bit of a pout before he picked up his cell phone for a selfie with Kurt in the background. Afterward, he almost immediately turned when he heard a twang and did a full on double -double take before he let out a delighted noise that bordered on obscene. “ _ BETTER HAWKEYE!!!  _ What are you doing here? And with the Bamf-master??” The cell phone was snapping away as he tried to get both Kurt and Kate in frame. “This is  _ so  _ going on my blog!!”

Kate was grinning his way and even twirled an arrow between her fingers and saluted him with it before she fired. “Same thing as you - kicking butt and taking names and being the  _ best!” _

“Oh, Oh! Best team-up  _ ever!!! _ ” He was dancing in place, clapping, and singing to himself as he put the phone away and started his assault again, singing ‘Together Again’. 

Kurt made his way closer to Kate with a disbelieving smile. “You know him fairly well then,  _ Better  _ Hawkeye?” He was clearly amused by Wade’s fanboy routine for Kate, even as Wade paused and enthusiastically waved at the two of them. 

“I spent last Christmas with him and Clint,” she said with a shrug and a grin. “He’s actually not terrible.” 

“No, he’s not - just be careful if he pulls your name for Secret Santa,” Kurt said with a laugh. “He takes it very seriously but blows it entirely when he dresses up and tries to make you sit on his lap to tell him what you’d like.” 

“Voice of experience?” she teased. “Now  _ that  _ is a mental image that’ll linger.”

“Not me personally,” Kurt laughed. “But I have witnessed it happening and it’s the kind of thing I am sure he would repeat if given even half a chance.” 

“Last year he bought an entire tree and house full of toys for a pickpocket’s kid before we took the guy to jail, so…” She shrugged and grinned again. “Maybe he mixes it up.”

“He’s a good person at heart - even if he tries to deny it,” Kurt said in a bit of a whisper. “It’s a terribly guarded secret.” 

“Don’t let him sweet talk you with his mysterious demonic-angelic ways, Katie-bug!” Wade called out before pulling off a move that Kate was sure she’d seen in a terrible B-rated Kung-Fu movie - complete with the screaming cry and the paused pose. 

Kate smirked at Wade’s antics before she looked back over at Kurt. “Too late for that,” she said in a low whisper before she laughed louder and shook her head at Wade. “I don’t need a chaperone!” she called his way. 

“I think you might! He’s  _ dangerous. _ ” Wade shook his head. “All that swashbuckling debonaire hotness. Makes a girl weak at the knees.” He said the last part in a southern accent as he fanned himself. 

“Oh I  _ do _ hope he’s dangerous.” Kate was grinning at Kurt with her tongue between her teeth again, still laughing. 

Wade paused and looked her way for a moment before starting to nod. “You know what? I think I like it. Yes.  _ I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP! _ The internets are going to go crazy when they see this one. I can’t believe they made it happen for real. That. That is just -  _ Team Awesome forever!! _ ” He then started muttering what the two of them decided was gibberish as he bowed and called out his thanks to Ophelia and robbie with an honorable mention to munitions officer CC and Cas - none of whom the others had heard of. 

Kurt just watched him open-mouthed with a scrunched up face as his swords drifted downward. “What …”

“This is the part where I ignore him and just shoot things,” Kate advised, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. 

“Well, be quick about it, the numbers are thinning fast and I think he’s completely lost his mind,” Kurt said. “As if he had much to begin with. Besides, I’d like to get that picnic before we head off across the Pacific again.” 

She positively beamed his way. “Well, I’ll have to step up my game then. Want to see a quadruple shot?” 

“I’d like to see any trick you’d like to show me,” Kurt replied in an overly smooth tone with a wink. 

She paused and had to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear with a little giggle before she looked back to the battle and lined up her four arrows between her fingers. “Later, blue boy. It’s happening,” she said with a wink to match his before she let them fly, the arrows in the eyes of two far off AIM creeps. 

“THERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” Wade shouted out, both arms raised triumphantly as if he was celebrating a touchdown.  _ “BETTER HAWKEYE!!”  _

“ _ Sie sind ein Wunder, liebchen _ ,” Kurt said with a proud smile before he kissed her cheek and bamfed off to get closer to Logan and the mess he was making. 

Wade had still been impersonating a football celebration as he watched Kurt bamf away, but when he saw the last member of the group, the impersonation came to an abrupt halt. “ _ Kate!” _ Wade stage whispered, one hand to his mouth. “Kate! I have a question!” He had one hand raised and was dancing in place as he repeated her name over and over again with a different inflection every time. “Kaaaaaaaaaate!” 

“The bathroom is three doors down that way. You don’t need a hall pass,” she said without looking his way as she lined up another shot.

“Yes, good. I already peed on the director's desk earlier though - no. I just. I need a reality check and I know  _ you’ll _ tell me the truth.” 

That got both eyebrows up, and as soon as she released the arrow, she turned to him. “Okay, shoot.” 

“Alright, so,” Wade said, turning on his best impression of a teenaged valley girl. “Like, a few years back? I totally started like - hallucinating things - specifically like -  _ rabid rabbits with big sharp teeth _ ? So like, nothing was working to get rid of them until I pissed someone off into um - helping me? And - I can’t do that again? For reasons. So - I just … I think I’m hallucinating. Am I seeing things? Because I am like - totally sure that if I’m imagining  _ this  _ that I am  _ reallyreallyscrewed. _ ” 

She looked around the place for a long moment. “There aren’t any bunnies here - thank  _ goodness _ .”

“No - no, it’s not bunnies this time. No. This time - it’s something nearly as small and a little more vicious.” Even through the mask, he looked anxious and tortured. 

The slow smile started as Kate clued in. “Well, there’s nobody here but you, me, Nightcrawler, and Wolverine, so unless you’re seeing, like, Cyclops or something…”

His mouth was visibly wide open in spite of being behind his mask, and without any further prompting, he busted into a dead run for the two X-Men clearing out what was left of the AIM soldiers left in the room. 

Logan barely turned in time to see Wade approaching fast and before he could move to avoid him or even stab him, Wade tackled him hard, pinning his arms to his side as he squeezed him and went so far as to start kissing his cheek over and over while he did his best wailing widow. 

Kurt barely kept his laughter in check as Wade kept going and Kate across the room was nearly on the floor laughing as Logan tried to dislodge a very happy Wade who was flat ignoring his protests. 

“Damnit, Wilson!” Logan barked out, trying to gain a little space - and failing miserably. A moment later, Logan grit his teeth and popped his claws into Wade’s sides, but aside from an instant of shock, Wade barely slowed down. 

“It  _ is  _ you!” 

“Giant. Hug. Magnet,” Kate said between peals of laughter, completely unable to keep it together. 

“Get him  _ off _ !” Logan shouted. 

She was trying to get a hold of herself enough to try and get out more than a few words. “No, no - this is a good look for you. We’ll finish off the lab in a minute. You just... bro hug. One second. Teddy and Billy are gonna  _ freak _ .” She dug in her pocket for her cell phone before she snapped a couple shots with a broad grin and even stuck her head in for a selfie on the last one. 

“I want copies of that, Katie-bug!” Wade called out. 

The first one was just as it had been for the past few minutes with Wade showing Logan exactly how much he missed him and the second snapped just after Logan finally wriggled one hand loose and sent his claws through Wade’s head - though even that didn’t slow him down much, and Wade still looked to be trying to hug him in the background with Kate in the frame on the last one. 

“Ooooh! Are we doing selfies? Come on, Bamf! Get over here! You need to be here too!” Wade called out, finally letting Logan go and rushing over toward Kurt, who was quick to bamf over to Kate before Wade could reach him. “Don’t let him sneak outta this, you loveable little fuzzy blue Elf,” Wade called out. “You just hang onto that little buddy of yours and keep him close.” 

“I already  _ have  _ pictures with Kurt,” Kate said, shaking her head. 

“But not any pictures with all of us,” Wade whined, slouching, his knees together as he pouted. “Pleeeeeeeeeeease?” 

“He’s going to whine until he gets what he wants,” Kurt pointed out. 

Kate just laughed and rolled her eyes, knowing full well that Kurt was right. “Okay. Group shot then. The bamfs can hold the camera if you  _ promise not to break it _ ,” she said, crouching down to the nearest one, who nodded solemnly like this was a monumental trust.  

“Camera _ s _ ,” Wade clarified. “This is totally going to be my new background.” 

When he tried to pull Logan close to him, Logan punched him in the mouth. “Keep your lips and your hands to yourself or I’ll cut ‘em off.” 

“Come on, Logan - you know this will end faster if you just play along,” Kurt said, his arm over Logan’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’ll act as a buffer between you and the big crazy merc.” Logan shot a glare Kurt’s way as Kurt waved Kate closer. “Try to get your crazy Secret Santa to behave for one minute?” 

She grinned brilliantly and then turned to Wade. “Behave for one minute, please,” she told him with as much seriousness as she could muster.

“A whole minute?” he whined spectacularly before he just straightened right up with a perfectly reasonable sounding ‘Okay’ as he cheerfully made his way over to Kate. “Clock’s ticking,” he warned. “Fifty nine. Fifty eight. Fifty seven ….” 

“Quick, take the picture,” Kate laughed as she pointed at the little bamfs. 

When they were done, and the timer had run out on his minute, Wade started bouncing in place again. “Okay, okay, okay - so … now what? Where are we going? What are we doing? More fun? Right - it’s more fun. People to be stabbed, sniktity-snikt? Right? Comeonnnnnnn let me go too.” 

“Someone has to get the kids out,” Logan replied as he took a few steps back from Wade, though Wade just followed him step for step. “And they’re hiding me - so. It’s on you to play hero.” 

“You’ll want to wash off the uniform a bit before you do,” Kurt advised. 

Wade looked down at his blood-soaked uniform for a moment. “Oh. Well. Any chance you have a spare X-Men uniform on your jet - I totally rock that look.” 

“I don’t know that that’s the best -” Kurt started to say, but Logan actually cut across Kurt and thrilled Wade. 

“I think we have one that’ll fit you,” Logan said. “About the same height and build.” 

“Really?” Wade said, completely surprised that they’d said maybe. Logan nodded and waved for Kurt to come over, where the two of them put their heads together. 

“Slim left one in the jet. Found it the other day,” Logan said. “He can have it.” He turned to Wade. “But you gotta wear all of it.” Kurt shook his head with a chuckle and nodded before he bamfed away and returned a short while later with, as Wade put it - 

“Oh. Em. Goodness. An actual, honest to Galactus  _ real  _ X-Men uniform. For  _ me. _ ” He was bouncing in place as Kurt handed it over. 

“You have to wear the entire uniform. All of it.”  Wade nodded and immediately began to strip - all three of them just quickly turned away, though Logan took it a step further and put his hand over his eyes. The others quickly followed suit when Wade tried to ask their opinion on how best to work the look - still stark naked and trying to get close and in their faces. 

“Okay, I’m ready,” Wade announced after a few minutes. “How do I look?” 

“I’m not turning around first,” Logan said. 

“And I  _ need  _ my eyes,” Kate added. 

Kurt let out a sigh and peeked behind him as Wade struck his very best Cyclops pose. “It appears as though we’re safe,” he said, sounding very relieved. 

“What do you think, Katie-bug? Is it me?” Wade asked from behind a set of Ruby quartz glasses as he tried to check out his own backside. 

Kate turned to look and had to stop and just - shake her head before she started to laugh. “You should keep it for Halloween,” she told him. “Clint’s got full-sized candy bars again after last year’s near-revolt. He might even give you two for this one.”

“You got it,” Wade promised, still trying to puff his chest out and sound authoritative. The little bamfs still had the cameras, and it didn’t take long at all before they were excitedly zipping around with a full-on photo shoot, complete with bamf-lined runway audience and Wade making laser noises.  

“Hey, numbnuts,” Logan called out. “How bout you let those kids out before you get more blood on your uniform?” 

“But I’m not even ble -,” Wade stopped and started to wag his finger Logan’s way. “You…. you were going to stab me again weren’t you?” 

“Were?” Kurt asked, his head tipped to one side. 

“But for the children,” Kate said with a pretended solemn look Wade’s way. 

Logan just glared hard at her with a sour look on his face. “I don’t think I can hit him hard enough to feel better.” 

“I’ve heard if you drink lots of water and stay hydrated, you feel healthy and happy and not nearly so grumpy,” she countered. “Your old man is showing.” 

“Ha ha,” he shot back dryly with a sneer. “You,” he said jabbing a finger Wade’s way. “Take care of the kids. We’re leaving.” He turned to walk out, still scowling. 

Kate rolled her eyes at his scowl and then looked over Wade’s way. “‘Til next time,” she promised with a grin and held out her hand for the expected high five, and he positively giggled to run over and meet her there before he also rushed to pick her up and spin her around in a hug. 

When her feet hit the ground after the hug, he booped her nose to boot and then turned to stalk up to Kurt as menacingly as he was able. “Be nice to her …. Or else.” 

“Have you ever known me to be anything but a gentleman?” Kurt asked, his posture relaxed and open. “Or even heard that I would ever consider being anything but?” 

“No. But - Wolverine is your bestie. Things can change.” He stuck his finger in Kurt’s face. “I’m serious.” 

“I promise you, Wade, if anyone’s heart is to broken here, it is mine,” Kurt swore. He covered his heart with one hand and raised the other. “I swear it.”  

“Oh, please don’t tell me I have a reputation as a heartbreaker,” Kate said, trying to laugh despite the very pink blush at the situation - both Wade’s antics and Kurt’s sincere promise. “I try very hard not to go around breaking  _ anyone _ that sweet.”

“If you have a reputation, then I fear I may need to make preparations for my inevitable crash and burn,” Kurt replied with a smirk. “Thank God I have my Wolverine back to drink me through the pain.” 

“You…” Kate shook her head at him and then in three quick strides just ran over to kiss him. When she finally took a step back, she put her finger in his chest. “Stop saying things I don’t have a good response for.” 

“Then perhaps to be safe, I’ll have to remain silent until you give me permission to speak again.” He grinned and picked up her hand to kiss it. “How ever will I communicate?”  He continued to kiss his way up her arm, one eyebrow raised as he waited for her to tell him to stop. 

She didn’t make a move to stop him, one eyebrow raised to match his expression before she fell into a little giggle. “Oh, I can think of things that don’t require words at all,” she half-whispered. 

Kurt just smiled wider and kept up his gentle kisses making it clear he was holding steady to his stay quiet pledge. She just started to giggle until he’d reached her shoulder before she finally said, “Oh, for crying out - this isn’t  _ fair _ ,” in a high, nearly breathless tone. “You can talk, you - you ridiculous imp!”

At that he picked his head up and grinned before he kissed her properly. “I don’t know - I thought I was doing alright with non-verbal communications.” 

“Excuse me, Kart? Who did you want this picture set sent to?” Wade said as he looked up from the other side of his phone. “Because this is like a how-to guide on flirting.” 

Kate looked over her shoulder at Wade and then back at Kurt. “If you want to start with the other hand? He isn’t allowed to be around,” she said. 

“I’ll teleport him to Tahiti, if that’s what you wish,” he replied quietly. “Though if it would make it easier, I could run him through. It won’t kill him, but he usually gets the message to go away.”    


She pretended to think about it for a moment before she lightly shook her head. “He has to save the kids still. Why don’t you take  _ me _ somewhere instead?” she asked with an impish grin. 

Kurt grinned and tipped his head her way before pulling her closer, and with a glance Wade’s direction, they disappeared in a puff of smoke. 

~*~

When the two of them reappeared - much later - near the jet, it was dark outside, and it took them a moment to track down the third member of their team. When they did find him, he looked to be meditating, just sitting in the tundra and waiting for them, not even looking up when they made their way over and Kate was still walking with her arm through Kurt’s and a faint pink flush across her face that wasn’t entirely from the cold. 

It looked like Logan had made a new friend while he was waiting for them, too - if the  _ massive  _ wolf lying in the snow beside him was any indication. It picked its head up and watched the two of them for a moment, and Kate paused. “Is that - normal for him? I thought the Wolverine thing was just… you know. A name.”

Kurt grinned and tried to keep from startling the wolf. “He has a way with animals. They seem to like him.” 

“Well - giant hug magnet. Animals can probably sense these things,” she whispered, shaking her head, though she had to stop with wide eyes again when the wolf stood up - taller than Logan - still looking at the two of them with an interested expression. 

“Wade get the kids out?” Logan asked in a low rumble without opening an eye or looking their way. 

“Yes, he did,” Kurt said with a quiet smile. “A few hours ago, in fact.”

“Good, I told you to take your picnic - maybe before we hit the next group of jerks you two can find  _ food _ .”  

Both of them were grinning, though Kate’s was a bit more a smirk as she said, “And water.” 

“Only if ice cubes in my  _ whiskey  _ counts,” Logan shot back. 

“You mean the ones the bottle sits in?” Kurt asked. 

“Yep, those are the ones. The ones that don’t water it down.” 

Kate shook her head at the two of them. “I’m going to start just putting water straight in those bottles. You two are going to blow my shot at a Storm sleepover!”

“If we come back without needing medical intervention, you’ll get your Storm sleepover,” Kurt promised.

“That’s a very low bar, and I like to challenge myself,” she teased. 

“It’s not as low as you think,” Logan teased as he stood up next to the wolf and laid his hand on its head. “Can we go now, or did you want to try and make friends too?” 

“Will it try to eat me?” she asked, eyeing the wolf for a long moment.  

“He’s not tryin’ to eat me,” Logan replied with a shrug. 

She took a hesitating step forward, trying her best to look nonthreatening. “Hey, there,” she said with a little smile. But she didn’t make it more than a couple steps before it started growling low, its lips curled back and teeth bared. Logan just looked down at the growling wolf and shook his head. 

“Guess he’s not friendly.” 

She took a quick step back and didn’t take her eyes off the wolf. “That’s not fair,” she whispered, eyes wide. 

“Bamf her outta here, Kurt - he scared her.” Logan looked up at her quickly. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you they can smell fear?”

“I thought that was a myth.” 

“No,” Logan said with a frown. “It smells more or less like ammonia.” 

“That - okay. That’s not something I thought I was ever going to learn,” Kate said, shaking her head the slightest bit as she took a step back toward Kurt. 

“Ready?” Kurt asked with an expectant look, and she just nodded and put her hand in his. When they reappeared in the jet, Kurt ducked his head down to catch her gaze. “Don’t take it personally,” he told her. “No one has been able to step up to one of his furry friends before. Not even one of his girls.” 

She looked put out for just a moment before she shook her head and just sighed at him and tried for a little smile. “Well - I’ve got one of his furry friends - the fuzzy blue one,” she pointed out, flashing a little grin his way. “But we are going to have to talk about  _ rules  _ if he’s keeping, like, a harem I don’t know about.” 

Kurt laughed out loud for a good couple of minutes until he was wiping tears from his eyes. “It’s nothing like that,” he promised with a grin. “He has a habit of  _ mentoring _ young girls. Teaches them to be formidable threats to anyone in their path - himself included. There’s nothing deviant about it at all.” 

“Well that’s a relief,” she said. She was still watching him with a wide grin that had started the moment he burst into laughter and just seemed to widen the longer he laughed. “Why’s he teaching girls how to take him down, anyway? That sounds counterproductive.” 

“Not necessarily to take him down,” Kurt amended. “Just - to be fierce. And - he takes issue with men that cross women the wrong way. He can be pretty old-fashioned like that.” 

She made a show of making a little ‘o’ shape with her mouth, eyebrows raised as she did everything but put a lightbulb over her head. “Oh,  _ now  _ I understand why you two are best friends,” she teased. 

Kurt tipped his head to the side. “You got that out of him mentoring girls? I’m not sure I follow you.” 

She took a slight step back and did a perfect imitation of a curtsey, the smile wide and teasing. “No, I got it out of old-fashioned sensibilities. You’ve walked right out of the pages of some high-brow, romantic, classic literature, Mr. Wagner, sir,” she told him playfully. 

He chuckled and stepped back for a low bow before looking up at her with a smirk. “I do like the sir part.” When he stood up again, he took her hand. “Tell me, Miss Bishop, should I get my friend, or should we start the games again freshly?” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand as he just smiled at her. 

She couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “People will talk, good sir,” she teased him. 

“They’ll talk anyhow,” Kurt countered. “They have terribly dirty minds.” 

“And you, of course, are a paragon of virtue,” she replied, still grinning wide. 

“Whoever told you such things has lied to you in the worst way,” he countered with a grin before he kissed her hand again, this time twisting it to land the kiss on her palm. 

She just took another few steps closer and with a wicked grin whispered, “Prove it.” 

He clasped his hand over his heart and threw his head back. “Oh, yes, you are a heartbreaker.” He swept her up off her feet and attacked her neck with kisses. “I swear to you I will prove any rumor you want to throw at me. Even if you just make it up on the spot.” He pulled back and just smiled at her. “But I think to explore this properly we should finish this mission and go find somewhere to disappear to where we won’t be bothered by interruptions. Like semi-responsible adults.” 

She just leaned in and kissed the edge of his jaw. “You are a tease,” she whispered. 

“And I apologize from the bottom of my heart - but at the rate we’re going, you’d lose your Storm sleepover when we both died of starvation.” 

She laughed and just nuzzled her nose into his neck. “Don’t say things that make sense. It makes it hard to argue with you.”

“I promise to drink some water at some point too.” 

“Well now you’re just playing dirty.”

“I thought you liked that.” 

She laughed and kissed his jaw again, then the edge of his ear. “Fine,” she whispered while she was there. “Go get Stabby.” 

“I think the bamfs can deliver the message,” he replied. “I’m quite comfortable here.” 

“Me too,” she agreed as she just continued to follow the edge of his ear, now thoroughly grinning and giggling the slightest bit when she got to the tip. 

“ _ Mein Gott, Vögelchen _ ,” he breathed out. “And you say I play dirty.” 

She just laughed. “I thought you liked that.” 

He just gave her a look that read all kinds of trouble. “You are playing with fire and a half demon.” 

“Oh, so Wade was right - you  _ are  _ dangerous,” she countered before she just kissed him properly, her arms wrapped around his neck. 

A few moments later, one of the bamfs appeared - purple blush over his cheeks as he quickly said something to Kurt that had him just squinting at the little blue cuddle ball. “You’re kidding, right?” he asked, but the little guy just shook his head. “Alright, I understand. Stay close.” He turned to Kate. “Well, I was wrong,” he told her. “Our stabby friend has a limit to his patience. He had one of the bamfs take him out of here.” He let out a sigh and shook his head. 

“This would not be a problem - if not for the jet,” he told her. “I can’t trust the little bamfs to take it back for us, and he’s already finding trouble, I’m sure.” 

She had stopped her teasing grin as soon as he’d said Logan was gone and looked thoughtful for a moment. “You bamf on ahead and just tell me where to meet you both,” she suggested. “That’s the beauty of teaching me to fly, right?”

“Well, I was going to have them bring back Henry to take the jet - but if you’d rather fly -”  

She had to stop and consider, then shrugged. “If you think he wouldn’t mind having me along even after we’ve thoroughly annoyed him into leaving…” she said at last. “I like sticking with the instantaneous travel - and with you.”

Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment. “Logan probably thinks he was cramping our style a bit and just chose to remove himself from the situation.” 

She rolled her eyes at the idea. “No,  _ I’m  _ the one cramping the X-style with you two. I’ll play nicer, I promise.” 

“He won’t see it that way, but I appreciate the misplaced guilt,” Kurt told her. “It’s kind of cute. Particularly when I should have been more professional from the beginning. Forgive me.” 

“Don’t you dare apologize for being perfectly charming,” she told him, shaking her head and puffing out her breath. “Now, let’s go get Wolverine before he ends up bringing SHIELD down on himself without us.”

“Knowing him, the only way he’d allow himself to be caught would be so he could crash the helicarrier,” Kurt supplied. 

“Then we’d better hurry,” she said, the teasing grin returning. “You never know - he might decide that sounds like fun.”

“He already has a plan in place,” Kurt told her. “He came up with a way to do it alone a few years back when they finally pushed through the registration issue.” 

“Well I hope he left room in his plans for an accomplice or two.” 

“He tries to carry the blame himself. I keep telling him it’s not possible with his body ratios.” 

She laughed and nodded in agreement. “He needs a few taller people to help. Know anybody?”

“If he hadn’t made Cap angry, he’d likely be at the top of the list,” Kurt reasoned. “But I guess since he’s out, we’ll have to do.” 

“Well then.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Take us to adventure, blue boy.” 

He smirked and turned to the bamf nearest them. “Bring Henry here. Do you understand?” The little blue cherub nodded his head and disappeared. When he and a very confused looking Dr. McCoy reappeared a short time later - still holding a test tube - Kurt explained quickly: “We lost Logan - but we’re going to get him. I’m sorry, but I need to have you return the blackbird.” 

Henry looked dazed, and he frowned a bit at the two of them before Kurt shot him a brilliant smile, and he and Kate simply disappeared with a tiny wave. 


	6. Okay, This Looks Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we bring in the Other Hawkeye. This is what he does when he's not being an Avenger and two X-Men show up at his place with his partner in crime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes mild swearing, depictions of violence, references to torture (not shown), innuendo, some serious questions about the relationships between some of these heroes for real y'all they are strange, and some questionable sanitary practices.

When the smoke from their most recent teleporting cleared, the temperature was much warmer than Siberia had proven to be, and the sounds of traffic and trains caught Kate’s attention quickly. 

“Where are we?” she asked. She was pretty sure this wasn’t Russia — but it looked like just about any city in the middle of the day.

“Boston,” Kurt replied. “No idea what he’s doing here though. This wasn’t on the itinerary.” 

Kate raised an eyebrow at that. “I didn’t know you could get us halfway around the world that fast,” she said, shaking her head. She was still trying to learn the limits and the ins and outs of her new team.

“The bamfs help,” Kurt explained as they started walking. “But since I returned from the other side, it’s been easier to travel great distances.” He shrugged almost sheepishly. 

“I’m still getting used to the whole world of nonsense you guys deal with,” she said, shaking her head again before she just slipped her arm through his. “Well — let’s find him and figure out what all new trouble he’s got in his head that’s not even list-approved.”

Kurt nodded, and they headed down the street in front of them, both of them kept an eye out for whatever trouble there could be — until one of the bamfs reappeared and gave him a quick message. He nodded his head and turned to Kate. “Ready?” 

“As ever.” He pulled her in close with a little smile before teleporting them to just outside a run-down looking apartment — dark and almost dangerous-looking, particularly with the screaming police sirens outside. He took her hand in his and started down the hallway, only to stop in front of one of the most dirty looking doors. But before he raised his hand all the way to knock, Logan called out for them to just come in. Of course, it was unlocked, and the two of them slipped inside the room to find Logan sitting at a little wooden table with, of all things,  _ paperwork.  _

“Heard the bamf. What are you doing here?” Logan asked without looking up as he went through the papers in front of him. 

“You were trying to skimp on adventures,” Kate accused him before Kurt could say anything, one finger pointed at him and eyes narrowed. “Ditch us and take all the fun!”

“Oh yeah, I really got into a boatload of fun,” he grumbled half heartedly.  When he finally glanced up at them, it was with a purely innocent look on his face. “I’m not skimping on anything,” he defended. “Just figured you two would have a better time together if you didn’t have me interrupting.” 

“It was your absence that interrupted us,” Kurt told him, shaking his head with a smile. 

“I thought you weren’t an exhibitionist — and I sure as hell don’t want to stick around for it.” Logan shook his head. “I have things to do anyhow.” He seemed to accentuate his point as he gestured to the mess in front of him. “Proving people wrong about being dead has miserable consequences.” 

“And we would still like to help with that, if you will stop trying to outrun us,” Kurt pointed out. 

“I promised Kurt I’d play nicer,” Kate added helpfully. “Don’t want to cramp the X-style with you two.”

Logan smirked up at her. “You don’t need to worry about it, I can handle it alone. Always have before.” 

“I’m sure you can,” Kurt replied as he slipped into the chair across from Logan with an easy smile. “But as I said — we would still like to help. You don’t  _ need  _ to do it alone.”

He let out a sigh and leaned back. “Alright, but I’m just poking around and finishing up this mess before I get moving to the next big stop. Got a little business to conduct before I leave.” 

“Then we’ll order in something to eat,” Kurt suggested. 

“Go ahead, just waiting to hear back from Zoe,” Logan replied as he put his hands behind his head and stretched out a bit more.  

“Will she be joining us?” Kurt asked. “I know she likes to make herself comfortable, even for what little time she spends around.” 

“Wouldn’t rule it out,” Logan replied. “I’m sure she’s going to want to take some time.” 

“Should we get two rooms, then?” Kate asked with a little smirk. She wasn’t sure who Zoe was, but she was sure that she liked the idea of Logan having someone around to distract from the teasing — if it meant she could steal Kurt a little more and not have to be  _ too  _ good.

“If you’re hard pressed to be apart for thirty seconds, go ahead and help yourself to the bedroom. She likes to get things done right out in the open and she doesn’t usually stay overnight,” Logan teased. “And you can stick around while she’s here. She won’t mind.” 

Kate pulled a horrible face, shaking her head and holding both hands out in front of her. “I am completely fine not doing that.”

Both men started to laugh a bit before Kurt tried to drop her a safer clue. “Does she have a lot of papers that need to be signed then?” 

“Likely,” Logan replied. “Apparently when they screw up and miss a different ‘version’ and disperse your estate for you - they do try to fix it.” He looked Kate’s way and tried to explain. “Landau, Luckman, and Lake. Lawyers of sorts.” 

She tried very hard not to look too relieved - or surprised, or anything that would make her look like she didn’t know what she was doing. Instead, she just waved her hand and put on a disinterested expression. “That sounds horribly boring.”

“Well, Matt Murdock handles most of my  _ normal  _ legal work,” Logan told her. “Zoe Culloden is the representative of a more interesting practice that sends me some work on the side.”  

She raised an eyebrow and then laughed. “Okay. I’ll bite. What the heck kind of work do  _ you  _ do for a law firm?”

“The kind no one wants to hear about. Assassinations mostly. Espionage. Interdimensional. Space travel. All of that,” Logan replied as Kate raised both eyebrows higher and pursed her lips. “Her clearance has her on everyone’s codex. Seeing as she feels that most of the security protocols here on Earth don’t apply to her.” 

She sat down in the last chair at the table and nodded slightly. “The whole ‘exception to the rule’ thing must be a running theme if you can travel dimensions,” she mused. 

“Even the ones that can’t jump dimensions feel that way it seems,” Kurt agreed. “Corsair feels none of the laws anywhere apply to him.” 

“So does he get along with you, Logan?” Kate teased. “Same worldview?”

“Corsair? He’s a helluva lot more tolerable than his kid,” Logan said with a shrug. 

The smirk only got wider. “Where on the hug magnet scale is ‘tolerable’?”

“There will be no hugs,” he replied dryly. “Just business.” 

Kate leaned toward Kurt and in a conspiratory whisper that she knew Logan could hear said, “That will literally be the first person besides Daken I have ever seen  _ not  _ hug this version.” 

He shook his head at her, but as he opened his mouth to argue, there was a knock at the door, and the person behind it simply stepped through with a thick file folder in her arms. It was pretty clear just looking at her that she wasn’t… local. 

She crossed the room in a few strides, simply stepping around Kurt and Kate as she dropped the papers in front of Logan, rattling off what she needed from him, informing him of every single person that had sought out his DNA or his personal effects with detail enough that Kurt was even raising an eyebrow. “We’ll assist, of course — if you want us to recover and destroy any samples that might have slipped by SHIELD.”  She reached over to pick out a few papers that were stapled together and move them up to the top of the stack he’d been signing. 

Logan took a minute to circle a few names before he handed it back to her. “I’ll take the ones circled if you have a current location.” He paused while the blonde made her way around the table to pull a blood sample before he finished the little bit he had left to do. “You find anything on that name I gave you?” 

“Pretty small time, honestly. Especially compared to what you usually go after,” she said with a little flip of her hair. “But big enough that there are waves being made. We can seize his assets and redirect them to a children’s charity or something if you’re feeling... giving.” 

“I’ve got one in mind,” he told her as he took a moment to scribble down a note on the inside of the folder and hand it to her. She smirked when she read it and nodded her head. 

“Yes, my records show that one was severely underfunded, considering,” Zoe replied. “Would you like for us to make sure it’s all clean?” 

“What do you think Kate?” Logan said with a twinkle that Kate couldn’t quite place as he looked her way. “Clean funds?” 

“I don’t think anything you do is clean,” she teased him, hoping that was the right tease and not quite placing the joke she knew she was missing. 

“You’d be surprised,” Logan countered. “At one point I had the whole island of Madripoor running clean. If it was you, would you have problems with say... Yakuza influences? Or a company that was making money from slave labor?” 

She fiddled absently with the edge of one of her gloves as she looked over at him. “If you’re trying to give me a hint, you’ll have to do better. Like, 90% of the businesspeople I know fit at least one of those descriptions, and they don’t deserve a cent of it.”

“So you’re saying given the chance, clean?” Zoe was smirking to herself a bit, but was standing arrow straight, pen in hand waiting for Kate’s word. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” She shrugged. “Clean is always better.” 

Logan nodded. “Clean ‘em or close ‘em. New accounts. No restrictions.” He glanced up at Kurt, who just shook his head slowly with a little smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as Zoe finished up whatever it was she was writing down with a flourish and took the last of the papers from Logan with a nod before she pressed a button on her watch and opened the closet - which was definitely not a closet by the time she opened the door, seeing as it looked like it opened into space itself. 

“I’ll be in touch,” Zoe said as she tipped her head at the three of them and stepped through the door, closing it behind her. 

“You figure out what you want for dinner, Kate?” Logan asked, ignoring the fact that his interdimensional lawyer or whatever just walked into the closet of a rathole apartment. 

“Oh, if we’re letting me choose…” Kate shrugged. “I love a good breakfast joint. But they’re hard to order in,” she pointed out. 

“That sounds wonderful. I’ve had enough business for one day,” Kurt said with a stretch before he looked over Logan’s way. “Do you have plans tonight or are we just doing more lawyer things?” 

“After food? Gotta go into NYC,” Logan said. “Got some stuff to do there on the way to the cabin.” 

“Exciting things or more paperwork?” Kate asked. “If you’re just going to be signing forms, just drop me off so I can pop over and grab the bow I left in New York last time I was there.” She sighed. “I love that thing. And I’m pretty sure I left my best sunglasses there too; I sort of left the interdimensional traveler way and didn’t have time to get it all packed.”

“We can pick up all the crap you left layin’ around. I’m sure SHIELD has my ‘I’m alive’ paperwork going through Murdock already,” Logan said. “So I thought maybe we could look at a little … vengeance work?” 

She smirked. “Ooh, I’m good at that. I don’t know if I’ve told you, but I already have arson on my record. So if you need that…” She grinned wider.

“You didn’t, but I think we might be able to burn something down,” Logan agreed. “Anyone cross you sideways in the city? Because this trip doesn’t have to be all about me. I can share.” 

“I don’t think we have time to burn down every construction worker’s house, or we’d be here til Christmas,” she said with a light laugh. “Besides, most of the people who crossed me got theirs - or they’re in LA.” 

“Well that’s on the way to the cabin,” Logan said with a little laugh and a little twinkle in his eyes. 

“That is a very roundabout trip,” she countered. 

“Everywhere’s in reach from JFK,” Logan replied holding up a little piece of paper. “And I just got my medical clearance to fly. Metal bones. Metal detectors. Don’t really jive well.” 

“Oh, man, now that mental picture is stuck in my head. The poor TSA agent who didn’t get the memo.” Kate was snickering as she shook her head.

“Worst was when I had to go to Japan to get Jubilee,” Logan said with a smirk. “Put on a free show.” 

“Well if we’re not taking the jet or Kurt, I can fast track us past most of the lines, anyway,” Kate offered. “Dad might’ve cut me off, but I got myself access to the trust fund, at least — after a fight. You’re not the only one with good lawyers.” She grinned brilliantly his way. “Let me treat you both.” 

“Don’t have to do that,” Logan said, shaking his head and looking entirely too serious for Kate’s liking.

“I didn’t say I had to,” she said with a shrug and a smile. “I said it was my treat.” 

The two of them shared a look and shrugged. “If you insist,” Kurt said. 

Logan gave him a little look and tried to redirect. “Did you say you needed to pick up a bow?” 

She nodded. “I left one of my favorites at Clint’s place last time I was in New York. Didn’t exactly have time to grab everything when America showed up and more or less kidnapped me for a girls night.”

The men shared a look for a moment but quickly shook it off. “Let’s go ruffle the other Hawkeye then,” Logan replied as he slapped his hands down on his legs to stand. 

“If he’s even home,” she said, laughing. “When he’s not at the apartment, he’s in the hospital or being actively kidnapped by SHIELD agents — or Avengering, I guess.” 

“We’ll bust him out if that’s the case,” Logan said. “I left my lighter on the helicarrier.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

“No it is not,” Kurt said. “We’re not going to invade the helicarrier for a lighter.” 

“It’s a really good lighter,” Logan argued, but Kurt just gave him a look. 

She just grinned over at Kurt and whispered, “Semi-responsible adult.”

“I said  _ we _ ,” Kurt clarified. “ _ I _ can get in and out without any issues.” 

“Well that’s just taking all the fun for yourself then, isn’t it?” she teased before she took him by the hand. “Come on. I’ll even let you choose the in-flight movie. All, you know, half an hour of it.”

~*~

Kate got the three of them a nice private flight to NYC and even chartered a plane with enough seats that each of the bamfs got to have their own little seat belt and bag of pretzels, and by the time they got to the apartment building in Manhattan, she seemed to be in a great mood, especially because the bamfs had loved the pretzels and had even tried to share with her. 

When they got to the right apartment building, Logan frowned to himself as Kate led the way. Even if he hadn’t recognized the place, the scent was clear. He considered asking how long she had her crap at Clint’s place and  _ why _ but decided it would be much more fun to screw with Kurt. Just a little bit. 

Kate led the two men up the stairs to the top floor of the building, waving merrily to a few of the residents she passed, all of whom recognized her and called out their hellos, and didn’t even bother knocking before she just produced a key from her pocket and let herself in. “Clint! If you’re not wearing pants I’m going to sic Lucky on you!” she shouted as she stepped through the door and was instantly assaulted by a grinning golden dog. 

She crouched down to play with Lucky’s ears. “Hey, boy, did you miss me?” she practically cooed as he licked her face. 

“She’s got a dog with him,” Logan half-whispered to Kurt while Kate made over Lucky. “Cozy.” He smirked at Kurt for an instant before raising his voice. “He still buy that crappy beer?” 

“In the fridge, if it’s there,” she said, waving her hand without looking. “He won’t mind.” 

Logan gave Kurt a meaningful look and crossed into the kitchen to grab one. “You okay with drinking another man’s beer without his permission, Elf?” 

“I think I’ll chance it,” Kurt replied as he tried to give Logan a look. “Just this once.” 

Kate stood up from playing with Lucky, gave the dog one more affectionate pat, and just grinned at the two of them. “I think I left my bow in the back room. I’ll be right back. Don’t bleed out on the couch again, Logan — that was no fun to clean up.” With that, she hurried back to the further reaches of the apartment, disappearing into a bit of the clutter. 

“Not gonna apologize for something I didn’t do,” Logan called back to her before Lucky made his way over to lean on his leg. He reached down to stroke the dog’s ears as he tipped the bottle back. “You wanna look around Elf? Even money says if it’s slightly girly and purple it ain’t Barton’s.” 

Kurt glanced around the apartment, taking in every single piece of clothing over various pieces of furniture or the artwork on the walls that clearly Clint had not picked out. As he walked through the place, there was just more and more of it, and the pit of his stomach fell. 

He poked his head into the bathroom and didn’t bother walking in further when he spotted the very girly looking shampoo bottles and the spare toothbrush near the sink. He turned around to look for Kate and found her digging in a closet — though she had an open bag she’d thrown clean clothes into laying on the bed. He raised his eyebrows when he quickly realized that there was only one bedroom in the place. 

She looked up at him and grinned widely. “Sorry, I figured while I was here I’d just grab a few other things besides just the bow. You know — my own clothes and not just the stuff I borrowed from Storm,” she explained. “There’s coffee if you don’t want to drink Clint’s crap beer.”

“I think I could use something a bit stronger than beer, actually,” Kurt replied with a little frown. 

She stood up a bit straight to look at him, head tilted to one side and a quizzical expression on her face, but before she could ask anything — there was a commotion in the living room, and they could both hear Clint shouting, “Get  _ outta my place _ , you  _ shapeshifting creep _ !” 

Alarmed, Kurt didn’t think before just bamfing away into the living room, with Kate running there. It looked like Clint had already shot Logan and was reaching for another arrow by the time Kurt arrived, though when Kurt did get there, Clint turned his way for a second and then retrained his sights on Logan. “This one of your problems, Nightcrawler? Some kinda… clone or time travel X-Men nonsense or whatever?” He didn’t lower the bow. 

“Yes, this is one of my problems — the fact that you’re shooting at my best friend,” Kurt shot back

“Yeah, that’s not Wolverine,” Clint replied, glaring. 

With a rush and a snarl, Logan knocked the bow out of his hands and slammed him against the wall before he popped a claw on either side of his face. “You sure about that, Barton?” Logan snarled out. 

Kate came running in from the hall at last and let out a little shout before she half-shouted, “Let him go, Logan!” She shook her head and put her hands on her hips, glaring at  _ both  _ of them before she looked Clint’s way. “Clint, chill. He’s the real Wolverine. There was some alternate dimension whatever nonsense with the one that died — but  _ he’s  _ the real deal, okay?”

“What makes you so sure? You only knew the cranky old one!” Clint shot back, though he hadn’t dropped his gaze from Logan — who was still growling in his face. 

“I was there when Fury futzing hugged the guy, that’s how I know,” Kate said, glaring at both of them. “So put away the measuring tape, boys.” There was a beat as both men seemed reluctant to listen to her before both of them let out a breath.

“You try to shoot me again and I’m going to cut your hands off,” Logan hissed before he retracted his claws.

Clint was glaring hard but picked up his bow to put it away, and Kate crossed the room in a few strides to smack Logan upside the head. “Don’t do that. That’s  _ way  _ over the line to even threaten,” she told him. 

“He freakin’  _ shot  _ me,” Logan yelled back. 

“Yeah? Well I shot grumpy old you like, four times and he never threatened to cut my hands off,” she countered. 

“So he’s a softie,” Logan said with a smirk. “Not the same guy. Clearly.” 

“We’re talking about the guy who cut off a lowlife’s hands for being in the same building as Mysterio might have  _ maybe  _ been in,” she countered. “Tone it down, Grumpy.”

“I don’t see the problem with that logic,” Logan deadpanned. 

She rolled her eyes and then glanced over at Clint. “Don’t shoot him, you idiot,” she said, pointing her finger his way before he got the same treatment as Logan when she smacked him upside the head.

“Well  _ now  _ I won’t shoot him,” Clint said, grumbling and rubbing his head. “C’mon, Katie, what was I  _ supposed  _ to think?”

Logan looked over at Kurt as he walked past Kate and mouthed out ‘ _ Katie? Thought it was Kate _ .’ Kurt frowned a bit deeper and reached over to yank the arrow out of Logan’s chest. 

Kate just rolled her eyes at Clint this time. “Whatever. I just dropped by to grab some things. How’s the building these days? Tracksuits all cleared out still, or did you find a new mob to get in trouble with already?”

“Nah, we’ve been good here. I mean — occasionally a lowlife will try and collect on that reward on our heads or whatever that’s about, but nothing as big as last time,” Clint said with a light shrug. “They get scared off real quick, though. Nothing like that clown a while back.” As Clint said it, he ran a hand over his ear and frowned a bit deeper. “And you’re keeping new company,” he said, to change the subject.

“Oh yes. I’m keeping them,” she said brightly, looking over at Logan and Kurt, but when she saw that they were both frowning, she sighed out all her breath. “Even when they’re  _ both  _ grumpy, apparently. You must have pissed them off.”

“If you two are busy, we can just leave,” Kurt said, straightening up a bit. “I wouldn’t want to intrude further.” 

Kate wrinkled her brow. “Without me? But I _ just  _ got packed!”

Kurt glanced up at Clint for a moment with a little frown. “Yes, but you have unfinished business here, it seems.” 

Clint laughed and shook his head. “Nah, I can take care of my own crap. You three have fun doing… whatever this is.” He waved his hand at them. “Just don’t take Lucky this time,” he added Kate’s way. 

Kurt’s frown deepened and his tail stilled behind him. “This time?” 

“When I went to LA, Lucky  _ came  _ with me,” Kate explained, glaring at Clint. “I didn’t  _ take  _ him.” 

“I think we’ll just — we can wait outside,” Kurt said as he shook his head, his gaze on the ground.

“No, no — just let me grab my bag. It’s still in the room,” Kate said, holding up both hands before she ran off to do just that. 

Kurt just pursed his lips and turned away from her. “I don’t like this,” he said quietly to Logan. 

“Can’t possibly be as bad as it looks,” Logan muttered quietly after seeing how incredibly well his little teasing had taken. “I mean — she’d have to have slept with him. Who’d wanna do that?” 

Clint looked up from Lucky and narrowed his eyes at them for a second. “You talking about  _ Katie _ ?” he asked, head tilted to one side like he couldn’t quite believe it. 

“Unless there’s some other explanation for so many of her things in your room,” Kurt replied cooly. 

Clint looked between the two of them for a long moment before, to Kurt’s surprise, he burst into laughter. “If you can make her stop taking over my place, that would be  _ great _ . She doesn’t even  _ live  _ here. Makes me sleep on the  _ couch _ like she owns the place.” When Kurt just sort of frowned, Clint shook his head, still laughing. “I swear, I don’t want to sleep with her any more than she wants to sleep with me. That’s just — no, that’s not happening.” 

Logan was smirking when Kurt turned to look at him. “You knew already didn’t you?” When Logan’s smirk stretched into a smile, Kurt let out a little groan of frustration before he leapt at Logan and knocked him to the ground. “I’m going to drop you off the building you …. Rotten … sneaky …  _ ugh!”  _  Logan was fully laughing by the time Kurt got a solid hold on him, and Kate stepped out just in time to see the two of them disappear in a cloud of smoke. 

“Are they leaving me?” she asked Clint, sounding upset as she ran for the door and he just kept  _ laughing _ . 

“Watch the windows,” Clint called out seconds before Logan went flying past them and a loud crack echoed around them as all the car alarms on the block started going off. A few moments later, Kurt appeared, flushed and still frowning. 

“What’d he do?” Kate asked, now thoroughly confused, especially because Clint was still laughing. 

“He was being a pain,” Kurt replied with a bit of a growl. He turned to look at Clint. “I may have cracked your sidewalk.” 

Clint waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Totally worth it for the show.”

She looked between the two men and crossed her arms. “You... I don’t know what’s going on but I’m  _ sure  _ it’s stupid.” She just let out a sigh and made herself a cup of coffee as she kept shaking her head and muttering about “boys.”

A little while later, Logan stepped back into the front door, laughing as he came in. “That was impressive.” 

“You want a beer before you go?” Clint asked Logan, tossing him a can before Logan could reply. “Because  _ that  _ was quality television.”

“It really was,” Logan agreed as he cracked open his beer. “That was way too easy.”

Clint just grinned wider and tossed a can Kurt’s way too. “Don’t let him twist you around like that. It’s undignified,” he said before he winked Kate’s way. “And don’t let him twist my partner around either. That’s your job now.” 

“You say that now,” Logan said as he settled in on the far end of the couch. “You should have seen them in Madripoor. Major flirting issues.” 

“I don’t… I really don’t want to know,” Clint said, shaking his head and laughing as he snatched the coffee pot back from Kate and set it down out of her reach. He turned back to Logan with a little shrug. “Just don’t get her killed or anything. That’s all I ask.” 

“Okay, thanks,  _ Dad _ ,” Kate said, rolling her eyes at Clint.

“According to her, all we gotta do is sign her up for the team and she’ll be resurrectable,” Logan teased. “So... by that logic: Welcome to the X-Men, I hope you survive the experience — most of us don’t.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Such a good motivational speaker.” 

“I’m not known for my pep talks,” Logan countered as he got more comfortable. 

She just rolled her eyes and then slid up to where Kurt was still looking irritated, his tail switching behind him. “You feel any better after dropping him off a building or should I find a place and relax you?” she asked in a soft whisper and with a wicked grin, though Kurt just glared Logan’s way for a moment before he looked back at her and tried for a softer look. 

“I’d say we should leave him here with Clint for a few hours, but they’d just drink and laugh it off.” 

“Clint has that effect on almost everyone when it’s not  _ actually  _ his fault,” Kate pointed out. “And you two are alcoholics.” 

“Technically I’m not, since I can’t get drunk,” Logan countered. He paused and considered his statement a bit. “Easily. Or for very long. But why don’t you two go... do...  _ each other _ for a while. Clint and I can chat.”  

“ _ Not  _ in my room,” Clint clarified, making a face. 

Kate made a face to match. “That’s  _ disgusting  _ and unsanitary,” she told him. “I haven’t washed those sheets since I was here last and I  _ know  _ you haven’t.” With that, she stood on her tiptoes to whisper something in Kurt’s ear that finally had him grinning outright, and the two vanished in smoke. 

“Doesn’t Fury give you a line item for a maid?” Logan asked as he kicked his feet up on the coffee table. 

“This place isn’t… exactly … SHIELD?” Clint tried to explain. “I just… bought it. On impulse.”

“So? Make him pay you to hire someone. This is stupid — and I’ll sleep on the dirt half the time,” Logan pointed out. 

Clint shrugged, dropping onto the couch as well with the rest of the pack of beer cans. “Hey. I’ll get around to it. Sooner or later.” 

“Why don’t you do it before you know — you get lockjaw in here or something.” 

“Hey. I usually get to it. At some point. Things’ve just been busy, is all,” Clint said. “People trying to kill me. Nothing new, but it makes laundry day hard when you get shot at before you can finish loading the machine.”

“Yeah. No Idea what  _ that’s like.  _ Hire a maid.” 

“You gotta take care of your own stuff,” Clint insisted. He rubbed the back of his neck before he hedged and reconsidered his position. “Actually, yeah, Katie usually makes me do things around the place. Don’t tell her I know that’s half the reason she drops by to check up on me.”

“Sure you two aren’t married or something?” 

Clint made a face and shook his head emphatically. “No. I’m sure. Very sure. She’s the one thing I haven’t screwed up by trying to bring sex into it.” 

“Still — you two are close enough it got Kurt sick — you know, since she didn’t mention your... arrangement.” 

“Look, I don’t understand it either, but I’m not questioning it,” Clint said, shrugging. “I’m all for her finding better things to do than hang out with me, though. You know — get out, find herself, stop taking all my coffee.”

“Right. Hanging out with a couple of known ‘terrorists’ is much better than the Avengers,” Logan replied with a roll of his eyes. 

Clint just shook his head at Logan. “She can keep you in line,” he said with a little smirk. “Might turn you around from your horrible terrorist ways.”

“Right. If all it took was a little bird to do that we’d have hired you years ago,” Logan told him with a glare. “But those two? You should know they’ve been pretty well inseparable since we took off for Madripoor,” Logan said with a shake of his head. “Just been gettin’ gooier as we go forward. Only reason they left me here was they think you’ll act as babysitter.” 

“Good for her.” Clint leaned back with his hands behind his head. “Probably healthy. In so many ways.”

“In what alternate reality is expecting you to babysit me healthy for anyone?” 

“No I just mean — healthy for her to find someone,” Clint tried to explain. “I’m not the best influence? And I tend to get her saddled with half my crap and a target on her back.”

“Story of my life,” Logan muttered with a sigh. There was a few minutes of silence before Logan decided he just had to dig a little bit. “Hey, what’s her backstory? She got someone that worked her over or something? She’s been pretty vague, but seein’ as she’s trying to find a way to corrupt my best friend I’d like to know about her. I could ask my lawyers, but - figured I’d rather hear it from you.” 

Clint raised both eyebrows and then let out a bit of a laugh. “I wasn’t there for the first part. I was… sort of dead,” he pointed out. “My understanding is she more or less invited herself to Avenger’s mansion to find a bunch of kids in costume and took over the whole team in one night. Or — that’s how Cap tells it.”

“Not sure Cap would tell me much right now,” Logan told him. “Kinda got him and Fury wasted then snookered my way outta the helicarrier.” 

“Well that explains why he’s got his star-spangled panties in a wad,” Clint said, smirking. He leaned back and put his feet up before he shrugged lightly. “I don’t know what I can tell you, man. She’s the best bowman I’ve ever seen, but she’s, like, twelve years old and spoiled rotten — except not quite as spoiled recently.” He looked at Logan over the edge of his beer. “Daddy dearest cut her off and then tried to kill me. Fun stuff. Pretty sure whoever he’s running with? They’ve got a hit out on both of us now - which is my bad. Try and keep her out of that while she’s running with you, huh?”

“Yeah, been through that before. You figured that much out. Does she know?” Logan asked with narrowed eyes.

“That he’s running with the people after us? Yes,” Clint said, nodding. “But I.. I haven’t told her how deep he was into it. She doesn’t need that hanging over her head. I sort of … stepped in it when I bought this place, pissed off a whole buncha people I didn’t even know were looking at it, and she got wrapped up in it. Neither of us knew he was even a factor, I swear, or I wouldn’t have let her ten miles from this place.” He frowned and tipped his head back. “Like I said, she keeps getting caught up in my crap.”

“Anything you want help with? Seein’ as I’m off your team now — wouldn’t be a conflict of interest.” 

Clint shrugged and shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m good. I can handle the punks they send my way.”

“Don’t care about the ground level. You got names for me, or do I need to start digging?” 

Clint turned to face him better for a second and consider the question. “I’ve just got a few. Kingpin, Daddy dearest, Madame Masque… those are the big ones, anyway. The ones that have to sign off on all the decisions.”

“The hell’s he doing pokin’ around with Fisk and the witch in the mask?” Logan asked as he cracked open a fresh beer. 

“Some kind of real estate scheme; I don’t know,” Clint said. “I don’t know much about Wall Street or anything like that.” He picked his feet up off the table so he could lean forward for a moment. “Seems like he’s been in it for decades, actually. I’m still digging. I know she said she’d dig, but I don’t think she actually wants to, you know?”

“So where’s he spend his nights — daddy dearest that is. Kurt is gonna keep her occupied and if they really need me, he’ll send those little blue whiskey thieves out to find me,” Logan told him. 

“I know a few places. The big house is in Jersey, but he’s got a boat he loves to take girls out on,” Clint said with a shrug. “Didn’t even have to dig to find out about that one, the way Katie complains. Loudly.”

"How tired are you, Barton?” Logan asked as he looked him over carefully. “Feel like sinkin’ a boat?” 

Clint rolled his shoulder once, nodded to himself, and then got to his feet. “I still got a boat or two left in me before I collapse,” he said with a grin. 

“Well let’s sink the boat then you can point me to the others,” Logan told him. “Don’t want you to strain yourself, and I’m feelin’ like a social call.” 

Clint smirked at that and then shook his head. “If you’re going after the guys after me? I’m coming. It’s  _ my  _ mess.”

When Logan stood up, one of the bamfs ported over to his shoulder with a quizzical look. “Don’t you go bein’ a tattle tale,” Logan scolded. “If you want to go with, fine. Keep him from breaking his neck.” The little bamf nodded and bamfed over to Clint’s shoulder and gave him a wide grin before again repeating the lone word. 

“I thought I was the one babysitting you,” Clint said, smirking wider. 

“Tell yourself whatever you have to, but I’ve been told I’m not the best of influences,” Logan said with a wave. “These guys are helpful if they like you.” 

Clint gave the little bamf a raised-eyebrow look. “I don’t have any crackers, but you can sit on my shoulder.” 

“They eat whatever you do; they’re not parrots, dummy.” 

“Well. I hope they like coffee, then, because that’s about all I got. I was gonna grocery shop in the morning,” Clint said with a light shrug. 

“We can grab a pizza on the way,” Logan offered after he’d gotten to his feet and brushed himself off. 

Clint grinned outright. “Now you’re speaking my language.” He grabbed his bow again and snapped it out. 

Logan gave Lucky a little scratch on his way out of the door and Clint quickly took the lead telling him where they were headed. When they stepped out of the front door of the building though, Clint burst out laughing at the Wolverine shaped dent in the sidewalk. 

“You know if you’d called ahead I could’ve made it worse. She’s left all sorts of stuff here,” Clint laughed. 

“If I’d known she had so much crap here I would have,” Logan replied. “She didn’t say you two were that close.” He stopped and turned to look at him. “What’s the sleeping arrangement with you two? If I start callin’ the two of you cuddle-hawks is that going to riff her?” 

Clint was still laughing as he shook his head. “Probably,” he said. “She makes it a point to kick me out on my  _ own couch _ .”

“So she can be cruel,” Logan said as they started down the street, a few more bamfs porting in to join them as apparently the first one had told them there might be adventure to be had. “Got it. I’ll watch for that.” 

“Really, I think she just stays because she likes taking care of people?” Clint tried to explain. “You should see her old team. She’d known them for a  _ day  _ before she bought them all new clothes and a place to stay.”

“So what you’re saying is that I’m stuck with her until she gets bored.” 

“Pretty much,” Clint agreed, grinning. “I learned long ago — she calls the shots.”

Logan poked him in the chest when they both stopped. “She does  _ not  _ call the shots.” 

“Yeah, I used to think that too.” Clint snorted out a little laugh. 

“I’m telling you — that ain’t happening,” Logan defended. “Maybe for Kurt, but not me.” 

“Uh-huh.” Clint stuck his hands in his pockets and just grinned. “What’re you two doing with my partner anyway?”

“Well if you wanna start colorin’ it like that, we can probably run her out of the city all together,” Logan laughed. “Shoulda seen the look on her face when she thought I was waitin’ on a girl to come and keep me company for a few hours.” 

Clint snorted harder. “Oh man. I’m clearly missing all the fun.” 

“Clearly,” Logan agreed. “You’re gonna have to come along once you get your mess all straightened out — and hire. A damn. Maid. You smell awful.” 

“Yeah — that’s not the apartment.” Clint grinned sheepishly. “Got tossed in a dumpster.”

“That seems to happen to you a lot,” Logan said. “Is that these same guys?” 

“Sometimes I think they just do it to remind me they’re still pissed at me,” Clint said with a light shrug as one of the bamfs got closer and seemed to trying to inspect him for evidence of said dumpster diving.

“Well I think they might be offendin’ my delicate sensibilities.” 

“We’ll be sure to ask Daddy dearest to knock it off when we get there,” Clint smirked. 

“Oh. I got all kindsa questions for him,” Logan growled out as they turned down the right road. “I don’t expect you to stick around for all of it. I got a few tricks that Nat hasn’t even seen for interrogations.” 

Clint visibly winced. “Think you might be offending my delicate Avenger sensibilities there.”

“Good thing I’m not an Avenger.” 

“What — contract get terminated when you died?” Clint asked, genuinely curious.

“As Hill explained it — pretty much, yeah,” Logan said with a nod. “She’s got her panties all kindsa twisted up.” 

“Yeah. She does that sometimes. Think she might’ve run out of free passes after the last stunt Katie and I pulled.”

“Fury holds my passes,” Logan replied. “Not too worried about ticking off Hill.” He looked up at the big house up ahead. “This the right one?” 

Clint nodded and gestured at the gaudy decorations on the gate. “Yep. I never come here with her, but — yep. This is it.”

“We goin’ in quiet or upfront? Because I got ideas either way.” 

Clint grinned outright. “I’m feeling like making an entrance. He might smell me coming anyway.”

Logan nodded and they walked up to the gate where Logan simply popped a claw and sliced through the mechanism that held it closed so they swung open ahead of them as they walked through. 

He walked right up to the front door and just rang the bell. He took in a deep breath as he pulled at his jeans and looked up at Clint with a little smirk. “You ready?” 

“Gonna be honest — been kinda wanting to do this for a while.” Clint twirled an arrow in his hand. “So yeah.”

Logan nodded. “Just follow my lead and when we find the guy — don’t hurt him.” 

“I already almost feel bad for him.” Clint fitted the arrow as he spoke. “Almost.”

When the door opened with an agitated guy in a suit behind it, he glared at the two of them. “Who the hell are you guys?” he asked. Logan didn’t even blink before he lunged forward and started pounding him. 

“Can’t you tell?” he asked. “We’re sellin’ Girl Scout Cookies.” 

“All outta Thin Mints, though,” Clint agreed as he followed Logan through the door, pinning a second bodyguard to the wall with several arrows. 

The two of them split up and zipped through the house looking for Derek Bishop and wherever the hell he was hiding. “Watch the exits too, Hawk,” Logan called out as he headed down the stairs and Clint went up, knocking through two more bodyguards on the way.  

Downstairs, Logan didn’t find anyone around, but he did find the telephone box hidden in the basement — where no one from outside could cut the lines. He chuckled to himself and just slashed the thing from top to bottom before he turned around and carefully sniffed his way back upstairs. 

He met Clint on the main floor, and both of them were empty handed. “Caught what I think is his scent—but he’s not down there. Any luck?” 

“Nothing but a couple bodyguards,” Clint admitted. “And I think what used to be Katie’s room? Not much used.”

“Harder to track someone in their own house,” Logan said, mostly to himself with a frown. “Whole place stinks of ‘im.” Logan started to head up the stairs since he hadn’t been there yet. 

Clint frowned for a long moment, looking around for something they might have missed, taking a closer look at the walls and shelving and the details around the place. The bamfs were popping around the place as well, poking into corners and closets — and the wine cellar and pantry.

Logan was looking through the bedrooms upstairs, carefully looking for anything that might be a hidden panel or passageway. All through the master bedroom, there was nothing there worth finding — but plenty that he couldn’t unsee, so he quickly made his way elsewhere, and into what he had assumed Clint was talking about seeing as the room was decorated in purple, though there really wasn’t much there that seemed like Kate had chosen it. 

He had just gone into another room when he heard Clint call out from one floor down. Instead of calling back to him, he simply went back downstairs in search of him. When he got to the vast living room — complete with a large, hand-laid rock fireplace, he shook his head. There, on an opposing wall, Clint had found the hiding spot. 

He’s pulled the bookcase open — as it was on wheels — and there on the backside of it was a flatscreen television with a seedy looking bitter little man trying to berate Clint. “You know I hate reading lips, right?” Logan said. “That thing have volume?” 

“Yeah, I turned it down when he was getting obnoxious. Hold on.” Clint held up a finger and pressed a button a few times as the little man’s tirade about how this was  _ his  _ house started up again. 

Logan crossed his arms and he just watched him for a moment. “Why don’t you make this easy on yourself and come out?” Logan suggested. “If I gotta come in after you, I’m just gonna get mean.” 

“Good luck getting past this door,” Derek said with a smug smile. “You don’t know who you’re dealing with. You think I haven’t prepared for one of  _ your  _ kind coming here?” 

“What kind is that, exactly?” Logan asked after he tapped Clint on the chest with the back of his hand. “I don’t know who I’m dealing with.” 

The little man just smirked wider. “This door is a foot thick, and the whole room is surrounded by a dampening field. Good luck getting past that, mutie.” As if to illustrate the point, a few of the bamfs were growling in frustration, apparently unable to just port in and grab the obnoxious man. Logan glanced down at the nearest one and just laid his hand on its head. 

“Nice set up,” Logan said with an easy nod. “What’s the door made out of? Doesn’t look too sturdy.” 

“Like I said — one foot of solid steel lined with vibranium. Why don’t you test out your explosives, though, Hawkeye? I’m sure if you try really hard, you’ll get through.” 

Logan looked at Clint and nodded. “You could,” he reasoned before he looked back to the camera that Derek was using to see them. “You do know who I am, right?” 

Derek snorted. “Of course. You’re not dealing with an incompetent. Now run along back to your freak school and get out of my house,” he sneered. 

It was Logan’s turn to give it right back as he started to growl seeing as he brought up the school and by extension, the kids. “No, I am dealing with an incompetent ASS,” he snarled out. “Or you’d know vibranium is like tissue paper — and a dampener doesn’t stop my claws.” With that, Logan popped his claws and cut down the side of the door — and like he’d warned, the adamantium went through the vibranium like it was warm butter. A few quick cuts — with Clint and the bamfs looking on and relishing the look of horror on Derek’s face — the door was free to fall out toward the two men and the little pack of blue bamfs waiting for him. 

“Let’s get him to the living room,” Logan growled out. “I’d like some room to work.” 

Clint nodded and, for good measure, shot an arrow through the setup Derek had used to talk to them. Just because. “I’m sure you two would like to get acquainted. Seeing as you don’t know who you’re dealing with.”

Logan smirked Clint’s way and retracted his claws to pull Derek from the room as a couple of the bamfs were already apparently getting in on the intimidation, right up in Derek’s face and growling wickedly. “You can take a walk, Hawkeye,” Logan told him. “Unless you got questions you want answers to.” 

“Really just need names. Don’t think he can give me a good reason for the big question of how the heck Katie got dragged down by this,” Clint said with narrowed eyes before he put his bow away. 

“That’s good,” Logan said with a nod. “Names. Because all I wanna know is what kind of creep puts a hit out on his own daughter.” He looked over at Clint, still growling. “But he made me mean, so  — it might take some time to get there.” 

Clint tipped his head and let out a breath. “I’ll go see if I missed any bodyguards the two times we looked through the house, then, shall I?”

“Maybe grab a few gas cans and a car battery. Bigger the better” Logan suggested. 

“Can do. You two… get acquainted.” Clint glared Derek’s way one more time before he very pointedly turned out and left the room. 

~*~

Several hours passed before Logan and Clint finally stepped away from Derek Bishop’s house — fully engulfed in flames behind them. Logan didn’t even look behind him as they left until they were well on their way. 

“Wanna sink that boat?” Logan asked suddenly. 

“I think I still have one boat left in me,” Clint agreed, dusting off his hands on his pants. “Stopped for coffee on the way to the gas cans.”

“You grab anything to eat?” he asked. “Feelin’ a lil’ peckish.” 

“There’s a pizza joint on the way,” Clint suggested. “Lucky’s favorite place.” 

“Perfect,” Logan agreed. “I don’t even care if it’s hot.” 

“They’re open late. Should still be good,” Clint said, rolling his shoulders and neck. “I take it you got what you wanted?” he asked as he rubbed a little soot off of the bamf on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, I think so,” Logan said in response. “Guy sang like a canary before I could even get going.” 

“Well, Kingpin he is not, no matter what he thinks,” Clint said with a little smirk. He wiped his own face and left a smudge of smoke and ash in place. 

“More reason for you to take a shower,” Logan told him, gesturing at his head. 

“Ha ha.” Clint just shrugged at him. “You planning to say hi to Katie looking like that?” he shot back, gesturing at Logan’s arms, which were splattered in red. 

“Hey, I’m not the one tryin’ to get in her pants,” Logan countered. 

“Yeah — I still gotta have a talk with your buddy about that one. Feel like I’m not doing my duty unless I threaten him a little,” Clint said with a smirk.

“You do that, but wait for me to get a beer first,” Logan replied. “I don’t think Kurt will take it as an insult, but Kate might not appreciate it.” 

“Yeah, but for all that bluster, she’s still a kid,” Clint pointed out as they made their way into the pizza place and the guy behind the counter just started to fill an order as soon as he saw Clint.

“You’re all kids.” 

“Don’t grampa me,” Clint snorted. “I get enough of that working with the older one — when he can be bothered to come out and play.”

“Well, enjoy him. Sounds like he’s on his last leg and easier to deal with.” 

“Actually gets along with me pretty well for some reason,” Clint said with a light shrug. “Came right to my place, apparently. It’s a weird story.”

“No accounting for taste.” Logan was smirking to himself, and half enjoying watching the looks he was getting as the two battered heroes settled in to wait. 

  
“You’re telling me.” Clint sat back in his chair, leaning far enough back that only two legs were on the floor as the guy behind the counter just pulled out a couple pizza boxes as if he’d already had it all prepared for them — and the bamfs quickly ported over to get one of the boxes for their very own.


	7. Pick Up Your Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kate finds out what Clint and Logan were up to while she was out with Kurt, and there is a reckoning to be had. Special guest appearance by America Chavez.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes: references to torture and death (not shown), threats of violence, mild swearing, innuendo, a rather traumatizing experience for Kate in losing a parent, references to drinking and smoking, and lots of snuggles and Kart kisses.

When Kate and Kurt got back to Clint’s apartment in Manhattan, they were both carrying enough food to share, since they each knew that their respective friends needed to be  _ reminded  _ to eat - and more than just coffee. Kate had an entire pack of water bottles as well as a few grocery bags of  _ real food  _ and not whatever Clint had in the fridge, and Kurt was carrying Chinese takeout containers. 

“I really do feel bad — after we promised not to do this kind of thing again,” Kurt said a bit sheepishly when they started to set the groceries down on Clint’s table, and Kate made a space for the takeout after she pushed aside some old news clippings and put them in a stack on the counter. 

“He deserved it,” she said, shaking her head, not sorry in the slightest for abandoning Logan this time. “This… was a one-off thing for messing with your head. We’ll play nice later.”

“I hope it wasn’t a one-off thing,” Kurt replied with a little smirk and a raised eyebrow. 

“That’s not what I…” She turned to look at him and shook her head. “You’re going to make playing nice  _ really  _ difficult. And we promised.” 

“Yes, but I am half demon and half shapeshifter,” Kurt replied as his tail snaked around her waist, “Clearly I can’t be trusted to be good all the time. Even when it comes to promises to my best friend.” 

She laughed and just let him pull her a bit closer. “Well, that’s the problem. I’m  _ never  _ the good one either,” she said, and as she stood on her toes to kiss him, the phone she’d left on the counter started to vibrate loudly. And then again. And again until it fell off the counter. 

She sighed and stooped down to pick it up, calling out a quick, “sorry!” when she saw that there were well over a few dozen messages from both Billy and Cassie. “This must have been going off for hours,” she said, shaking her head before she realized that there was no answering reply from within the apartment — the grumbly Logan kind or the obnoxious Clint kind. 

“Something wrong,  _ liebchen _ ?” Kurt asked as he sat on the back of the couch and watched her scrolling a bit more quickly. 

“Where are the idiots we left in this apartment?” she asked even as her phone buzzed  _ again _ .

Kurt frowned and rose to his feet, already headed down the hall to look. “Is there anywhere they might be? A common area for all the tenants perhaps?” Kurt asked as he poked his head out of Clint’s empty room. 

“The roof? Sometimes all the neighbors go up there to grill.” He nodded and disappeared in a cloud of smoke, but when he got back, he was frowning even deeper. 

“There’s no one on the roof,” Kurt said quietly. “Was that them texting you?” 

Kate shook her head as she looked down at her still vibrating phone. “No. It’s my friends from the old team. Billy and Cassie, mostly,” she explained as she looked quickly over the names.

“Is there something going on?” Kurt asked as he checked his comm, his tail switching a bit as he worried about what they might have missed. 

She started to look through the texts and couldn’t decide whether to laugh or get annoyed. “Someone told somebody somewhere that you and I have been … out and about,” she said as she skimmed through the messages. “Billy’s mostly just yelling at me for not telling him about you. So — nothing world shattering. Just the grapevine and my friends freaking out about… oh. Pictures.”

“Pictures?” he asked with raised eyebrows. “Should I be concerned?” 

She raised a single finger to tell him to hang on and clicked the link Cassie had sent her on her phone, then threw her head back with a groan.  _ “Wade _ .” She handed Kurt the phone so he could see the “How to Flirt 101” photoset Deadpool had uploaded online.

He simply started to chuckle and shook his head. “Why did I convince myself that he was just teasing?” 

“I thought he’d at  _ least  _ wait until the weekend,” Kate said. “Now Billy’s threatening to come to my place and force me to tell him  _ everything _ .” 

“What harm would that do? We’re not there after all,” Kurt asked with a shrug.  

“Billy can warp reality. If he wants us to be there, we’ll be there,” she pointed out with a little laugh. “It’s an empty threat — he’s just… so  _ dramatic _ .”

“So you’re saying that I couldn’t bamf away from that?” 

“It depends on how specific the spell is,” she admitted. “If he just brings us there with, like, a telportation spell or something, it’s an easy out.”

“I believe that I’m  _ vaguely _ familiar with those conditions,” he laughed. “And it’s no fun trying to wheedle out of it.” 

She just laughed and pocketed her phone. “I’ll text them all details later once we find our two lost morons,” she said. “Maybe I’ll send them a picture of us on the beach to shut them up for a while. They really just need a little drama sometimes when they get  _ bored _ .” 

“Go ahead and answer them; I’ll have the bamfs look for Logan and Clint,” Kurt offered. “I have no interest in panicking your friends and loved ones.” 

She snorted out a little laugh before she perched on the counter and quickly shot out a few texts to the worst snoopers, plus a couple cute pictures from the waterfront.  _ He’s adorable. This is a very new development or I’d have told you sooner. Chill out _ , was the group text before she pocketed the phone again and laughed Kurt’s way. “Last time they freaked out this badly, there  _ was  _ an interdimensional parasite. They’re dramatic little troublemakers — which is, of course, why I love them.”

“Well, interdimensional parasites can be so pesky sometimes, and I excel at drama” he replied with a smirk. “You can’t blame them too much for worrying. Not with what we do for a living.” He settled onto the couch with a sigh and pulled her down onto his lap when she got close enough. “And now? We wait for the bamfs to return with news.” 

“Maybe they just ran away from my phone,” Kate teased. “We’ll probably find out they’re in a pub somewhere hiding from my nosy friends.” 

He nodded his agreement. “That sounds about right,” Kurt said easily just before a bamf showed up - positively soaking wet, surly, and flat refusing to tell Kurt anything. 

“I’ve never seen  _ that  _ before,” Kate said, frowning as she took the little guy in.

“Soaking wet or uncooperative?” Kurt asked with a stern look on his face. “Because it’s not unheard of — it just means they’re causing trouble.” He glared at the little bamf and stuck one finger in his face before letting out a string of threatening sounding German. The little bamf crossed his arms over his chest, stuck his tongue out and disappeared as Kurt started swearing, still in German, under his breath. 

“Well, they  _ are  _ little demon things,” Kate said with a sigh before she leaned in to kiss his cheek. “What’re you saying?”

“Just a few threats and curses. Nothing they haven’t heard a thousand times before,” Kurt muttered before he let out a sigh and leaned back. “They know where our friends are — they just refuse to tell me. But... at least they’re watching them.” 

“Those two do  _ not  _ need a little army of troublemakers to help them,” Kate pointed out with raised eyebrows.

“Tell me about it,” Kurt said dryly. “It’s too bad there are only about a thousand places they could be where they might be soaking wet on a perfectly dry day.” 

A few minutes later, another bamf popped in, looked at the two of them and coughed hard, smoke erupting from his mouth and nose before he rubbed his nose and sneezed. “Where are our friends?” Kurt asked outright with a very serious tone, and the little bamf blinked over at him wide-eyed before just bamfing away. Kurt sighed and shook his head in frustration. “They were born in hell — this  _ cannot _ be that big of a deal.” 

“Well, if they keep popping in to check on us, maybe we’ll figure it out. Smoke on the water,” she said, grinning a bit as she sang that last part halfway through when she realized what she was saying and then pulled out her phone to start searching news reports, ignoring the latest wave of texts from her friends in favor of looking for something more catastrophic that would have drawn their friends’ attention. “I used to be a PI. I can work with clues,” she added. 

He leaned back and covered his eyes with one hand, trying to think of where they might be. “And your friends haven’t heard of any - disturbances that might attract the two of them? If I call the school, Storm will get angry.” Before she could finish her search, the bulk of the bamfs all reappeared in varying states of mess, though all of them were grinning widely. A few moments after that, Logan and Clint walked in the door - one smoky, the other positively dripping wet. 

“And how long have you two been gone?” Kurt asked as he stared at the pair of them. They shared a look and shrugged almost as if it had been rehearsed. 

“Not too long,” Logan said easily — though the burnt out embers on his boots seemed to tell a different story, along with the fresh blood up and down his arms and shirt. 

“Yeah, needed some fresh air,” Clint agreed as he glanced at Logan. “And... Logan went for a smoke.” 

“And... a little water,” Logan smirked. 

“First of all, Clint, that’s stupid — you can’t get fresh air and go for a smoke, and Logan, you went and got into trouble  _ without us _ ?” Kate stood there with her hands on her hips. 

“I just stabbed the guy a little. One claw.” Logan smirked up at both of them then turned to the food they’d brought in and grabbed the nearest box of chinese and sat down at the table with a pair of chopsticks. “How long have you two been waiting?"

“Long enough to start to worry,” Kurt said, eyeing the two of them. 

“So what,” Clint asked around a mouthful of eggroll. “Ten, fifteen minutes?” 

Kate had just raised her finger to start in on yelling at the two of them when a dazzling light show behind her distracted her.

To the group’s surprise, a large, bright, star-shaped light appeared in the room and then shattered into pieces as America Chavez stepped through it, arms crossed as she looked around the room until her gaze found Kate and she pointed an accusing finger her way. “You,” she said, stalking over to put the finger in Kate’s chest and tap her with every other word. “You won’t call me when your life blows up with crazy, but you’ll eat  _ takeout  _ with  _ Clint _ ?”

Logan and Clint shared a look and leaned back to watch the show as they ate, unconcerned with the turn of events. 

“I’ve been busy?” Kate offered with a sheepish smile, the anger at Clint and Logan evaporating in the face of the talking-to from her best friend.

“Is that a question or a statement, young lady?” Logan asked between bites as Clint giggled at Logan’s commentary. 

Kate shot him a glare and tried to redirect. “We’ve been following  _ him  _ around the world,” she said, pointing Logan’s way, but America just shook her head. 

“First of all, I  _ don’t  _ find out about any ‘we’ you might be part of from  _ Deadpool _ ,” America said, still tapping Kate’s chest. “And second, your X-Men teamup isn’t even… Kate, your  _ house  _ burned down! What, you try to burn all the pictures Deadpool  _ didn’t  _ get to after Cassie sent you the link?” 

“My… what?” Kate took a step back from her best friend so that she would stop getting assaulted and then glanced over at the two men sitting at the table. “What did you two  _ do _ ?” she demanded, now looking at Logan’s smoky clothing with a new understanding.

“Went for a walk,” Logan replied. “And we needed some water.” 

She glared at him and then at Clint. “What. Did. You. Do?”

“I fell in the river,” Clint said straight-faced as Logan nodded and pointed at him as he said ‘water.’ 

“After you burned down my house?” she accused them both, arms crossed and openly upset with them. “You two… just…  _ spill _ .  _ Now. _ ”

“You got nothin’ on me,” Logan said flatly. 

_ “You burned my house down! _ ” she was fuming as she looked between the pair of them. “Without me!”

“If we did — you didn’t need to be there,” Logan told her very calmly. “And we were dealing with someone that was giving Clint a headache. Payment for the beer.” 

“You never liked the place anyway, Katie,” Clint said, waving his hand. “Why are you so upset if it burned down?”

“Because it — because I… because it’s my house!” she spluttered.

“It’s your dad’s house. You live in an apartment in Jersey,” Clint pointed out. 

She glared at him and crossed her arms. “What, did you catch on fire with  _ my house _ and Logan just… tossed you into the river to put it out?”

“He tripped and fell in,” Logan replied. “You know how he is.” 

She spun to face Logan properly and glare at him, too. “So how come you’re still smoking? You trip and fall in a fire?”

“I like to make sure my arson sticks. And I heal.” 

She shook her head at the pair of them, absolutely livid and lost for words. 

While Kate was attempting to read Clint and Logan the riot act, America took the opportunity to just grin and put her hand out to shake Kurt’s as they watched the show and split some dumplings. “Good luck with this one,” she told him with a wide smile and a laugh. 

“I’m used to the smoking one,” Kurt said. “I’m sure I can handle it.” 

“Which one? The one who runs into fires or the one with it coming out of her ears?” America said, making herself comfortable as she slid down into a slouch in the chair and put her feet up on the table.  

Kurt grinned at her. “I guess the answer would be both right now,” he laughed. 

“America Chavez, by the way,” she said, saluting him with her index finger to her temple. “Best friend. I’m sure she would have  _ eventually  _ gotten around to that.”

“Kurt Wagner,” Kurt replied with a smile. “Pleasure to meet you, regardless of the circumstance.” 

She just grinned and then popped one last dumpling in her mouth before she stood up to make her way over to Kate and drape an arm over her friend’s shoulders. “You gonna keep yelling at the old guys, or do you want to catch me up? Looks like you’ve been busy.”

“You want the readers digest version?” Logan teased. “Not sure you’re old enough to read it the way those two have been operating.” 

Kate glared at both of them and slipped out from underneath America’s arm before she finally just let out a sigh. “First I want to know why he is  _ bloody _ ,” she told Clint in a very tired-sounding voice. 

“Ah - he … said he stabbed a guy — a little.” 

She turned to face Logan. “I swear, if you committed murder in my house and I get police calls through next week about it, we are having  _ words _ .”

“No way any crime scene analyst will ever be able to patch that together for at least a month,” Logan said with a little smirk. “I’ve got a little experience in that, you know.” 

She tilted her head back to look at the ceiling before she turned to Kurt. “He committed murder in my house, didn’t he?” she asked. 

“It certainly seems that way,” Kurt nodded. “Should I offer condolences or regrets that you didn’t get to help?” He looked a bit concerned as he waited for the answer. 

“Help burn the house down?” she asked, wrinkling her nose a bit. “Or help kill whoever?”

His eyebrows went up a bit and he shot a look at Logan, who remained unreadable. “Either I suppose,” Kurt finally said. 

“Well I’m not sorry about the house,” Kate admitted as some of the anger left her voice and she ran a hand through her hair. “Not really. I mean. Dad’ll be pissed.” She glanced Clint’s way. “And if he finds out it’s you, you’ll be in  _ worse _ trouble, you  _ moron _ .” It was clear she was more upset at the idea of Clint being in trouble than the state of her old house as she glared at him. 

“I was going after a guy that ordered a hit on Clint and  _ you. _ ” Logan’s voice was even and he hadn’t yet blinked as he watched her. “Killed a couple guys in tracksuits on the way back too.” 

She turned to face him, her forehead wrinkled for a long moment in confusion as she clearly tried to work out who at her house would have the authority for something like that before all at once, she let out a long breath as she could only come to one conclusion. “Oh, Daddy, no.” She sat down on the arm of the couch with wide eyes, one hand over her mouth as she was still thinking over everything they’d said. She’d known her dad was involved with the people who tried to kill Clint, but…. She’d sort of hoped he wasn’t  _ that  _ deep in it.

Logan glanced at Kurt and tipped his head toward Kate before he tried to catch America’s gaze to do the same. 

“Are you alright, Kate?” Kurt asked gently, though he didn’t make a move to touch her. 

“I… last time we talked, I swore I’d come after him,” she finally said at a low whisper. 

Kurt glanced up at Logan, who still was just studying her as if he was waiting for something. On the other side of Kate, America was watching the two men at the table with her fists clenched like she was just waiting for the word from Kate to give them what for if she asked. 

It took another few moments before Kate finally looked up at Clint. “He… he wanted me  _ dead? _ You and me  _ both _ ?”

Clint swallowed hard and nodded his head. “I’m sorry, Katie.” 

She closed her eyes for a second, but when she opened them again, she looked more angry than upset. “Don’t  _ apologize _ . Not for that… that sorry excuse for…  _ ugh _ !” She threw her hands in the air and got to her feet, headed for the door. “I need some air.” She stormed toward the front door, almost not catching one of the little bamfs that floated fast after her, keeping up and wearing a confused expression. 

As soon as the door closed behind Kate, America looked at Clint and Logan to give voice to the threat she’d only been lending her body language. “If she comes back pissed at you, Earth is getting four very hairy, very tiny new moons.” 

“Whatever works for you,” Logan replied as he simply went back to eating. 

“Katie’s always pissed at me. That’s not a fair threat,” Clint added. 

“She always threaten you too?” Logan asked tipping his head toward America. “Or is this time special?” 

“I don’t usually get the full threat, no. Just the ‘stop being stupid.’ Which… isn’t gonna happen, sad to say,” Clint admitted with a rueful grin.

“Well, welcome to the big leagues then, junior,” Logan teased, and Clint just gave him a  _ look _ . 

“I hope you’re not mistaken in this,  _ mein Freund, _ ” Kurt said seriously. 

“How often do I kill the wrong guy?” Logan asked. “Seriously.” Kurt shook his head and let out a sigh. 

“Rarely, if ever,” Kurt admitted. 

“He admitted everything. And more,” Logan said, giving Kurt a pointed look. “He sang like a damn canary once I got started.” 

“Real helpful, actually,” Clint said quietly. “Filled in a few names I didn’t have on my radar, but the picture makes sense. Actually, it’ll help me keep more trouble off her plate while you three are out rousing rabbles.”

Logan turned to America as he reached for a new box on the table to pick through. “I wasn’t kidding. Don’t expect a positive ID on the body for at least a month.” 

She crossed her arms for a moment but relaxed her fists. “He really put a hit out on her? I mean — actually okay’ed the order?”

“Vote was unanimous from their freaky little board of assholes,” Logan told her. “I got the rest of the names too.”  

“Send it my way,” she said, eyes narrowed. “I’d like a piece of that board.”

“Grab a pencil — it’s yours…. all but the guy at the top.” Logan set his box down to give her his full attention. “He’s already pissed me off with something kinda along the same lines that I never got the chance to pay back.” 

She slid back into a chair and nodded. “I’ll respect your dibs,” she said with a serious tone that didn’t match her smirk. “The rest are getting rude awakenings and my fist in their face.”

“Have a ball,” Logan said with a wave before he offered a fresh take out box to her that no one had touched yet. 

By the time Kate came back, America had already jotted down the list and shoved it into her pocket and had settled back into her chair to eat. But when Kate came in, America jumped to her feet and looked ready to hit whoever Kate asked her to.

Kate just looked them all over and jumped to sit on the counter and pour herself a cup of coffee. “Gonna have to call my therapist up again so she can have a field day with this one,” she said, shrugging lightly before she took a long sip. 

“What can I do for you,  _ liebchen _ ?” Kurt asked quietly.

“I suppose visiting our dads to pour their tea down their throats the hard way is out of the question?” she said. 

“I would advise strongly against it,” Kurt replied. “But if that’s the only thing that will make you feel better — ” he sighed. “Where there’s a will.” 

She looked up at him, a bit surprised, and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth despite her best efforts. “Don’t do that for me,” she told him, shaking her head. 

“I can’t speak for your father — but mine would give us the  _ fiercest _ battle,” Kurt told her. 

“Well, let’s find somewhere a little less demonic, but a fierce battle sounds pretty good right now,” she said, then took another long drink of coffee. “And a good night’s sleep, to be honest. You can pick the order.” 

“I think rest would be in your best interests,” Kurt said with a little smirk. “Though I understand if you prefer to be alone.” 

She looked at him over the top of her mug and then shook her head. “And miss the chance to get an honest-to-goodness  _ full night’s sleep _ with you?” she asked, a bit of the tease coming back to her voice. 

“If that’s what you wish — you know I won’t be the one to tell you no,” Kurt replied easily. 

America let out a very long groan and headed for the window. “Can you two stop long enough to  _ breathe  _ or is this just a constant?”

“So far, pretty constant,” Logan called out to her.

“I’m  _ so  _ glad I broke dimensional barriers for this,” she deadpanned before she just stepped out the window and flew off. “Don’t burn down any more houses,” she called over her shoulder before she disappeared.

Kate glanced at Clint, who just held up both hands. “Too tired for any more arson,” he promised.

“Good.” Kate just nodded once his way before she set her mug down on the counter and slipped over to nuzzle into Kurt’s side with a tired glare over at Clint one more time for good measure.

“Well if you two are gonna go get a room, I’ll go crash at a friend’s place,” Logan said as he got to his feet and stretched a bit. 

“You can have the couch,” Clint offered with a smirk. 

“You need your rest and I don’t want Kate’s dog in my face.” 

“ _ My  _ dog.” 

“He listens to her better,” Logan pointed out. “Likes her better too. Don’tcha fella?” Lucky just wagged his tail Logan’s way until he reached down and petted his ears.  

“Story of my life,” Clint muttered out before he just stood up and waved at them. “Lock the door one your way out. I am  _ done _ . I’m going to bed.” 

With that, Logan headed for the door to leave too. “See you later, kids,” he said with a wave. “Catch you around.” 

“You promised you weren’t going to ditch us,” Kate pointed out with a little frown. “We’ll get a double room or something. We’re just going to catch some z’s anyway.”

Logan held up a hand and shook his head. “Enhanced senses — I”m not listening to that all night.” 

“Then I’ve got a place in Jersey you can crash at,” she offered as she looked between them both. 

“I’m not goin’ to Jersey,” he said quickly. 

“What’ve you got against Jersey?” Kate asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Did I stutter when I explained the thing about enhanced senses?” he asked sarcastically. 

“You live in New York,” she shot back. 

“I live upstate. I work in New York. Sometimes. On both counts.” 

She glared at him properly and stuck out her finger to point his way. “Well, you’re  _ not  _ ditching us.”

“I didn’t say anything about ditching,” Logan defended. “I said I’d crash with a friend.” 

She smirked. “Good. Then we’ll see you in the morning.”

He just smirked back at her with a little nod just before he slipped past her. “Sounds good. I’ll call you when I’m up.” 

“You better.” She shot him a raised-eyebrow look before she turned to Kurt. “I have a place in Jersey,” she said, this time with a much wider smirk. “If he’s not using it, we sure can.”

“You know he’s not going to bed, right?” Kurt said. 

“I can only watch him eighteen hours a day. I’m only human.”

“This is very true,” Kurt replied. “I just thought I would warn you. He will be hard to find tomorrow.” 

“But you’ll call me, won’t you, Wolverine?” she called over her shoulder. 

“Oh sure,” he shot back on his way out the door. 

“Besides,” she said, turning her attention back to Kurt, “what mayhem could we possibly wake up to that tops killing my dad?”

“You really shouldn’t ask questions like that,” Kurt said with a little laugh. 

“You’re right. I should know better,” she agreed as she just hugged him around the waist and nuzzled into a snuggle. 

“Let’s just hope the bamfs are more cooperative tomorrow, I suppose.” 

“I’ll bribe them,” she offered. “I think I still have a full pantry and some serious junk food back home.”

“That would be wise,” Kurt agreed. “But I think they’d respond better to attention.” 

She smiled and rested her head on his chest. “Okay. Attention in the morning. But... sleep now. Take me home, you beautiful elf.”

~*~

The next morning, Kurt woke up slowly, lazily, with Kate still half tucked into his side. It was late — later than he usually slept in — but they had both been tired out, and Kate was still completely zonked, mouth slightly open and her head on his chest, so he wasn’t about to move, either.

At some point during the night, it seemed, the bamfs had crawled up to join them and were in varying stages of curled up in the purple sheets — not all of them asleep, but every one of them wrapped up in blankets. He grinned and very, very carefully turned to the nearest bamf. “We should find our other friend,” he said in a soft whisper, and the little guy grinned excitedly before, a few moments later, there was a series of purple and blue poofs, and the little bamfs disappeared. 

A few moments later, the smell of brewing coffee started to fill the little apartment, and Kurt had to laugh when  _ that  _ was what got Kate stirring awake just the slightest bit — slowly and sleepily as she seemed content to just nuzzle in until the coffee was finished brewing and a couple bamfs showed up with the entire pot and two purple mugs with the letter ‘h’ on them. 

“Little sweethearts,” Kate mumbled sleepily as she sat up to grab a cup of coffee and then held out her other arm for both of the bamfs to come and snuggle her so she could kiss the tops of their heads. “You’re sucking up to me,” she told them, and they both grinned impishly. 

“They know you’ll spoil them,” Kurt said, smirking slightly as he watched her with the bamfs. He just waited for a moment as the coffee started to wake her up more fully before he asked, “Are you well-rested this morning? Feeling better?”

She looked over his way and shrugged before she just leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Don’t worry so much. It’ll give you early wrinkles,” she teased him. “I’m fine.” 

“It’s in my nature to watch out for those I care about,” Kurt replied with a little smirk. 

She matched his smirk and laughed. “That’s a full time job just with me and the little bamfs,” she pointed out as she ruffled one of the bamfs’ hair. “Not to mention Wolverine.” She looked around to try and find her phone. “Speaking of — has he called yet?”

“I’m not sure,” Kurt replied. “Though I’d be surprised if he would at all considering that he only just got his phone from Zoe — and she doesn’t load anything into it for him. So unless you put your number in it — he doesn’t have it.” 

She groaned and threw her head back, smacking her palm to her forehead. “That was an obvious, rookie error. That…. I blame you for being distracting.” She picked her head back up and grinned brilliantly at him. “Couldn’t think about phone logistics with you around.”

“Would I be less distracting if I were to look like someone else?” Kurt teased. “Perhaps I can get my inducer programmed to look like Clint.” 

She pulled a horrible face and pushed him away with both hands. “No, oh  _ why _ . No. I can’t…” She glanced over at him and then looked away quickly. “Oh man I can’t even  _ look  _ at you right now. Why.” 

He just started to chuckle, his grin wide. “You said I was distracting, I thought that might be the opposite of a distraction.” 

She just shook her head and finally looked back over at him again before she pulled another face, this time sticking her tongue out at him. “That — no. You’re perfect just this way. Do  _ not  _ change that inducer... oh  _ man _ .”

“Glad to hear it,” he said with a grin before he stretched out again, still shaking his head. “I already sent out some of the bamfs to find Logan. Though lord only knows where he might be — and this  _ is  _ the city. Unless he shows up on his own, this will take some time.” 

“Has anyone ever considered putting, like, a beeper on that guy?” she asked. “For how often you lose him?”

“Actually, had we taken the time to give him our standard gear, he would have had a communicator on him.” Kurt shrugged. “But — he always turned his off unless he needed it.” 

“Just to get into more trouble — and without us,” Kate surmised, shaking her head. She reached over to refill her mug and take a little sip of coffee. “Of course, we could always just look for the nearest fire and go there. Apparently he’s in an arson kind of mood.”

“He only does that when he has a good reason — he’s not much for fires as a general rule.” 

She looked thoughtful for a second and then shrugged. “I might have put the idea in his head. I think I mentioned I burned down Madame Masque’s place once. To be fair, she burned mine down first.”

“Well, in this case, it was a matter of dragging it out,” Kurt replied with a slight frown. “While you were out walking he told America that he was serious about how long it will take to identify the body. I am truly sorry about that.” 

Kate winced visibly and pulled a face. “Ouch.” 

“Yes, well, he follows his training a bit too closely sometimes,” Kurt said. “He doesn’t often listen to me when I try to convince him that there are other ways to teach people a lesson than … what he does.” 

She let out a long sigh and leaned back against him. “Like you can stop him,” she said quietly. “Trust me — I’ve tried with the other one, and that… that took some doing.” 

“This one does listen to me,” Kurt insisted as Kate settled into his side, her arms around his middle. “It just... takes some time for the message to sink in.” 

Just then, one of the bamfs returned with a distinctly unamused expression on its face, arms crossed as the little guy quickly spoke to Kurt and just kept shaking his head. 

Kate tilted her head at the little bamf. “So — are they actually helping this time, or are they refusing again?” she asked at last. 

He let out a sigh but didn’t take his eyes off the little bamf. “They are helping. But he refuses to bring Logan here.” 

“So we’ll go to him,” Kate said with a shrug. 

“I’m not so sure you want to,” Kurt replied trying to give her a significant look. 

“I’m not squeamish, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Kate said, a little frown on her face. “I can handle trouble.”

“It’s not that — ” Kurt finally shook his head with a little laugh. “It’s — he didn’t have a friend in the city. He made one.” 

Kate raised an eyebrow and then smirked. “The furry kind or the…  _ friendly  _ kind?”

“Sounds more like the overly friendly kind,” Kurt laughed. 

“Then, yeah. I’m not interested in  _ that _ ,” Kate said, waving her hand and wrinkling her nose. 

The little bamf recrossed his arms and started chattering again, shaking his head with a determined look on his face. “Alright, alright. I heard you the first three times,” Kurt said with a frown. “I’ll get him myself.” 

Kate smirked at the little determined bamf and waved him over. “Oh, you poor traumatized thing. Come here,” she all but cooed, though she was grinning over the top of the bamf’s head at Kurt with a troublemaking look as the little guy ran to her. 

“You are spoiling them terribly,” Kurt said as he got up. “Before I go — do you have anything here for Logan to wear?” 

She thought about it for a long moment. “I might…  _ maybe  _ have something in the closet,” she said. “I don’t let Clint raid  _ my  _ place, but… I’ll see if I’ve got anything hiding in there after my last house-sitting.”

“Could you check please?” Kurt asked, looking a bit hopeful. “If not, I may have to bring him au natural. His clothes weren’t in the best condition when he left Clint’s place.” 

She quickly got to her feet and started to search through the closet, rummaging through for some time before, finally, she came up with a pair of pants and a large purple tee shirt. “I must’ve got some of his stuff in my laundry…. so I hope Logan doesn’t mind smelling like Clint,” she said wrinkling her nose.  

“It’ll be a motivator for him to pick something up,” Kurt assured her as he grabbed them and shot a smile her way just before bamfing off to get Logan. 

When he got to where the bamfs had directed him, he was silently thankful that Kate didn’t go along. “Some things never change,” he muttered to himself as he walked through the tiny apartment to where Logan was passed out — and as the bamf had relayed, not wearing a stitch. 

He nudged him awake. “Logan — you didn’t call. Kate sent the little demons out and you scared them. You scared the demons, mein Freund.  _ How? _ ” Logan roused a bit and just looked up at Kurt for a moment. “You lied too — didn’t you?” 

“About what?” Logan asked as he sat up and looked around himself. 

“Whose place is this? You said you had a friend.” Logan frowned and put his hand out for the clothes in Kurt’s outstretched hands. 

“I... made a friend. I guess.” He pulled on the clothes — which were certainly too long. “It happens.”

“And your clothes?” That got him to poke around the apartment a bit until he shook his head. 

“I guess they didn’t survive my scouting as well as I thought they did.” Kurt rolled his eyes and let out a sigh before bamfing them both back to Kate’s — though not before stopping off for Logan to pick up something he could actually get around in easier and a very large cup of coffee, because Logan was convinced there would be none left when they got there.

“Mornin’,” Logan said gruffly when they finally showed up. 

Kate looked up at the pair of them from the couch, where she was surrounded by the bamfs with a giant bowl of popcorn on her lap and a  _ Dog Cops  _ marathon on the TV. “I’m sure it’s morning somewhere in the world,” she teased. 

“Morning in Japan,” he said after he glanced at the clock.

“Are we headed back there? I thought there was a cabin somewhere that needed visiting,” she said as she tossed a piece of popcorn into one of the bamfs’ open mouths. 

“Yep, cabin. By way of LA, right?” He seemed to be totally absorbed in his coffee cup. 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You know I can take care of my own crap without you, right?”

“Listen,” Logan said as he leaned against the counter. “Once we go to the cabin, word will be completely out that I’m back. If we wanna use the element of surprise at all, we should do it now. Not a matter of if you can do it yourself — more a matter of I like getting the jump on people that have not once considered that I might wanna play with ‘em too.” 

She considered his answer for a long moment before she nodded. “Okay. As long as we’re clear.”

“Crystal. In fact — you wanna come up with a way to deal with some of my headaches for me, we can trade off.” He smirked at her a bit. “I’m not above getting help.” 

She grinned wider at that and just nodded. “I’ll have to think about it. Get some plans going,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “We’ve already used arson.”

“That’s okay, I know how to do a lot more than just set a little fire.” 

She smirked at him as she tossed another piece of popcorn. “Well I’d hope so. Heaven only knows I don’t want to find out I’ve been running with, like,  _ Johnny Storm  _ in disguise.” 

“I haven’t grabbed your ass or tried to shove my tongue down your throat - so no. You’re not.”

She gave him a look with her nose turned up. “That — no. We’re leaving now.” 

“What got you? The Storm part of it or the me part of it?” Logan laughed. 

“ _ All  _ of it,” she said, not even looking at him as she started to pack up the apartment in a rush. “Just  _ all  _ of it.”  

Logan looked at Kurt, still amused. “I think I broke your girlfriend.” 

“You didn’t do it alone,” Kurt admitted. “I may have given her something for therapy earlier.” 

“Can get one of the telepaths to erase it,” Logan suggested. “Only takes a second.” He looked Kate’s way and raised his voice a bit. “Unless it’s one of those things to help you  _ mature. _ Seeing as you’re dating a teenager.” 

“You are _ almost  _ worse than Clint,” she called over his way as she finished putting away the coffee mugs. “At least you didn’t say I was  _ nine _ .”

“I would’ve guessed four and a half, but he knows you better than I do,” Logan countered. “Still doing sugary cereal and saturday morning cartoons while you try to color in the lines?” 

“Pop-tarts on the way to the archery range to try and shoot inside the red circles,” she countered, then paused to consider something. “Or fencing practice, seeing as I bet I can get my instructor back with Dad… gone.”  

“Providing you don’t go broke, that is,” Logan teased. 

“If I do, I’ll make Kurt teach me instead,” she countered, hands on her hips. “I’ve never learned the dual wield, but I’m a quick study.” 

“That’ll never work. You’ll never pick up a sword again if you ask him for help.” He grinned widely at her. “Unless he uses his inducer.” 

She pulled a horrible face and looked quickly away from Kurt, shaking her head as she muttered, “I  _ hate  _ that thing now.” 

“What — you don’t like him as a blonde?” Logan asked. “He can change it. Doesn’t take much.” 

“You — out of my apartment. Just  _ out _ ,” she said, pointing to the door. “Give me five minutes and we are  _ gone _ .”

Logan just laughed. “Alright. I’ll see you around. I probably won’t go too far this time and I don’t have any  _ plans  _ to make any friends. But — no promises.” 

She glared hard. “Kurt, go with him so he doesn’t slip off.” She didn’t wait to see if they were listening to her before she just went back to the bedroom to finish packing up and started turning off all the lights in the place. 

By the time she got down to street level, Logan had wandered off and returned with a box under his arm — but he hadn’t made any new ‘friends’ this time at least.

She looked them both over once she arrived and then nodded once. “Oh, good. You’re both here.”

“I can still leave you two alone if that makes life easier for you,” Logan offered. 

She smirked his way. “It doesn’t, but the offer is noted,” she said as she simply slid her arm through Kurt’s. 

Kurt smiled her way and covered her hand with his. “Shall we then, frauline?” 

  
“Lead the way,” she agreed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our intrepid band of heroes gets space-napped. Poor dears. But also, you know, space pirates, so it's not like they're not going to have fun with their space-napping :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes some swearing and innuendo, blood, a kidnapping, a more or less hijacking of an airplane (but from space), and a whole lot of miscommunication.

Once they were ready to leave New York, with Logan now in clothes that fit—and a spare uniform that he’d picked up from behind some bar—and Kate packing more of her own clothes instead of Storm-borrowed ones, they headed to the airport for another little hop toward Los Angeles.

As soon as they’d boarded, Logan set his box with the beat up old yellow and black contents next to him and kicked back, hat tipped down over his face as he was more than ready to just go back to sleep for a while with a bamf leaning against him, copying his every move, and another trying to curl into the space under his arm to go to sleep with him, exaggerated little yawns and stretches thrown all over the place to prove the little guy was actually tired and not just snuggling for the sake of it.

Kate and Kurt followed Logan’s lead and just relaxed, her head on Kurt’s shoulder as the plane took off as she grabbed up one of his hands as well to run her thumb over his knuckles and just snuggle in.

“So do you have any ties in Los Angeles that I should be aware of?” Kurt asked with a sidelong glance once they were nice and comfortable.  

She looked up to meet his gaze and then shook her head. “Just the cutest married couple in the _world_ who let me live with them, and a grumpy cop who secretly loves me,” she said with a little grin. “If we run into my friends, their cat is, like, the Hitler of cats, though—so watch out.”

“I appreciate the warning,” Kurt said with a little smirk before he nestled in, his face half buried in her hair and his tail snaked up to wrap partway around her leg.

The flight was well underway, and Kate was snuggled up with Kurt, the two of them nearly following Logan’s example and half drifting off to sleep when the entire plane seemed to come to a rather abrupt stop. Kurt looked from Kate to Logan—to the dozen or so bamfs that had rolled down the aisle—before he looked out the window to see that they were more or less frozen in place.

“How do you stop mid air and not fall too?” Kurt asked as Logan stood up and started walking to the front of the jet. 

“Don’t ask that out loud or we just might stop defying gravity,” Kate warned as she peeked past him to the window.

“I can ‘port us out of here,” Kurt offered. But moments later, Logan returned with a very unamused expression on his face.

“We’re going up,” Logan announced, though he looked as if he was searching for a way to escape that didn’t involve cutting a hole in the side and jumping out without a chute.

“Elevator style?” Kate raised both eyebrows. Logan just nodded slowly.

“We get out of here now and they’ll probably drop the plane and kill the pilot,” Logan said. “Unless you wanna try and get him out first?” Kurt nodded his head and sent a bamf up to the pilot. When the little guy returned a few moments later, nodding, Kurt waved both of his companions toward him so they could do the same—but…. it didn’t work.

Logan was watching the horizon line fading into something darker than blue sky. “Anytime, bud. 

“I can’t—” Kurt shook his head. “It’s not working.”

“That can’t be good.” Kate said with a frown as she looked up at Kurt.

“Not like you to have performance issues, Elf,” Logan deadpanned, and after a moment of irritation, Kurt chuckled to himself.

“I suppose you just couldn’t resist that one?” he said with a growing smirk.

“I _really_ , really couldn’t,” Logan replied quietly before he popped a claw experimentally then frowned when the blood didn’t stop. “And we have our explanation too.” He looked up at Kurt and tipped his head as he walked over and picked his box up again, pressing part of his t-shirt to the bleeding spot on his hand. “Dampener field,” he explained Kate’s way, since likely this was something she simply wouldn’t have encountered before. “Stops mutant abilities.”  

She quirked an eyebrow and then nodded. “Well I’ll just have to carry you boys then,” she said with a soft smirk as she shouldered a quiver and twirled one of her arrows in her fingers to emphasize the point. “Doesn’t bother me.”

“Not likely,” Logan countered. “I’ve never let a little thing like no healing slow me down.”

“Just don’t die,” she shot back. “And let me shoot the mean ones.” She mimed shooting a bow and arrow and shot him a little smirk.

“We’ll see how it goes. I don’t strictly _need_ to use the claws,” Logan said. “Probably depend on if what we come across _can_ be shot with those little sticks of yours.”

She rolled her eyes his way. “I’ll find something else to use if that’s the case. Or shove the little sticks instead of shooting them into gooey places.” With a little laugh, she added, “I don’t strictly _need_ to use the bow.”

“Good. Make all of this a helluva lot more fun,” Logan replied. “So—is this a normal for you thing or should we expect you to blame it on X-Men weirdness? Again.”

She snorted out a laugh. “No, no. The space thing is just about par for the course. There were a few months I didn’t even _touch_ Earth about a year ago,” she admitted.

“Then we’ll just have to wait and see who wants to see us—unless…. Logan, do you still owe that casino money?” Kurt said, but Logan shook his head.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. I was winning,” he countered.

Since the three of them didn’t exactly have an exit, they more or less settled in, half ready for a fight at any moment as they watched the windows.

The deep black outside the plane changed to more solid browns and reds as whoever had snatched the plane pulled them inside, and when at last they stopped moving, a loud and confident voice called out, “You’re surrounded. Come out now—and don’t try anything stupid.”

“Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me,” Logan muttered to Kurt. “I don’t feel too compliant—what about you?” Kurt looked serious as he weighed out what best to do.

“If we don’t come out, they’ll come in,” Kurt reasoned. “How about we comply for now and fight them later?” He turned to Kate for her take on things. “Unless that’s someone you know out there? The voice is unfamiliar to me.”

Kate shook her head. “Doesn’t ring any bells. If it was someone I knew, there would probably be music.”

“Intergalactic dance party?” Kurt asked with a growing smile.

“You have _no_ idea,” she said, with a smile to match.

“Then we should probably temporarily surrender,” Kurt replied before tipping his head toward Logan. “We’ll go first.”

For just a second, a flash of irritation lit her expression, and she cocked a hip to one side. “We’ll go _together_ ,” she corrected him.

He tipped his head down—nearly to his chest—and picked her hand up to his lips. “Of course, my mistake; forgive me for my old-fashioned moment of rudeness.”  

In a second, she was completely disarmed, the flash of irritation gone as she just laughed quietly and shook her head at him. “You make it very hard to stay mad,” she half-complained. “Completely unfair.”

He just smiled back at her and pulled her arm through his before he covered her hand with his own. “Together then?”

Logan shook his head at the both of them and just opened the door, hopping out before they could catch up to him. By the time they got to the opened door, the sounds of energy weapons firing up was ringing in their ears along with many shouts from their captors.

Kurt looked out with a frown as most of those various aliens and crewmen had their guns leveled at Logan, who, of course, had just crossed his arms at the threat and looked completely unamused.

“They’re not friendly,” Logan called out over his shoulder to Kurt and Kate.

“Yeah, we see that!” Kate called back as she and Kurt also stepped out cautiously into the group.

“Put your hands up!” one of the crewmen nearest Logan shouted.

“You put your hands up!” Logan barked back, glaring. “Keep sticking that thing in my face like that and I’ll shove it right up your—”

“Logan, _don’t!_ ” Kurt half shouted.

Logan turned to look at him before he turned back to the guy with the gun and stuck one finger at him. “Back off, junior.”

The other two slipped up to where Logan was as Kurt just frowned his friend’s way. “Do not provoke the men with guns, Logan. Not until later, at least.”

“You’re getting to be a real killjoy in your elder years, Elf,” Logan countered. “But - as long as something happens later. Okay.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow and leaned a bit closer to Logan with a small smirk. “I’m not nearly as old as you are—and besides, I am a paragon of youth and energy. Just ask my lovely lady friend—who would like very much not to be shot, I believe.”

“For the sake of your love life, I’ll let it slide for now,” Logan countered. “And you’d be lucky to look as good as I do at my age.”

From the center of the line of crewmen, a little brunette pushed her way past them. “Kurt! I’ve been looking for you!” She wasn’t exactly smiling, and she looked as if she was focused solely on Kurt, going so far as to partly turn herself away from even looking at Logan—who looked thoroughly confused by the fact that she was ignoring him.

“Come on, we have some issues that we could use help with—from someone with your skills,” She broke into an actual grin as she pulled him forward by the hand, with Kate close behind and sticking close to Kurt with a confused sort of frown.

“I thought they weren’t friendly?” Kate asked, brows furrowed as she watched the smiling brunette pull Kurt along.

Kurt just shrugged but spared Logan a look as he just seemed to look more irritated somehow as he shrugged off one of the crewmen and followed behind the pack. “This is an old friend of ours,” Kurt said gently.

“Old friend of _yours_ , Kurt,” Kitty clarified before she offered her hand to Kate. “Kitty Pryde. Nice to meet you.”

Kate took a second to look around at the two of them—and Logan—with a slightly confused look before she just sighed and shrugged and took Kitty’s hand. “Kate Bishop. New friend of theirs.”

She frowned a bit and nodded. “Well. Now we’re acquainted.”  

“I’d say that most of my old friends don’t say hello with kidnapping, but—that’s only half-true,” Kate said, looking around at the crew, still a bit hesitant, considering how they’d arrived.

“It’s a hazard in this business,” Kitty agreed. “But—we need a swordsman. We have... issues.” She smiled at Kate brilliantly. “Do you know how to duel too? An extra sword would be great.”

“Fencing lessons since I was in middle school,” Kate said with a growing smile. “And if you have a plasma bow? I can take care of the ‘issues’ myself. We won’t even need the boys.”

“I’m sure we can find something for you,” Kitty said with a laugh.

“If you need an extra sword, I’m sure Logan can help too,” Kurt said quietly, glancing over his shoulder at his friend.

“No, that’s... we don’t need him for this,” Kitty said quickly.

“Then drop me the hell off somewhere,” Logan growled out, his arms crossed over his chest.

“We don’t have time, you’ll have to just... wait,”  Kitty said with a clearly dismissive wave his direction. “If we could have just picked up Kurt, we would have... I had no idea … well, It doesn’t matter.”  

“What is your problem, half-pint?” Logan spit out suddenly. At hearing the name, she spun on him and stuck her finger in his face.

“ _You don’t get to call me that,_ ” she half snarled. “That’s not your name to use.”  Logan just let out a breath and met her angry gaze, but neither of them was backing down.

“It’s the name he has used for years, _Katzchen_ ,” Kurt said in a soft voice. “Why should he stop now?”

“Because the man that used that name is dead; this isn’t him.” Her hot tone hadn’t slipped and she looked mad enough to spit nails.

“This is the real Logan,” Kurt said. “I swear to it. No clone or shapeshifter—he is _ours_.”

At that, Kitty’s anger slipped, but she seemed to go a bit pale as she looked quickly between the two of them. “No.” She shook her head. “No, because if he’s back from the dead—no.”

“I would not lie to you in this matter—ever,” Kurt said firmly.

But Kitty wouldn’t hear it anyhow. She shook her head seriously. “No,” she said before she looked up at Logan. “Just keep away from me.” He just stared back at her and nodded his head before he mouthed out a nearly silent ‘fine’. He looked to Kurt and simply stepped back, looking for a place to just keep out of the way.

“So… this… should we find a swordfight, then?” Kate offered at last, looking between the three of them with a clear expression of shock and confusion and just trying to find a way to help. “Or… would it help if I told you Fury hugged him, so he’s definitely the real one?”

“No, that actually doesn’t help me at all,” Kitty said in a clipped tone. “Let’s just—let’s get to the bridge so I can fill you two in on what we’re up to.”

Kate looked to Kurt and caught the slight frown on his face before he nodded Kitty’s way and swept out an arm with a more Kurt-esque smile like she was used to seeing. “Yes, let’s find out what it is you brought us here to do,” he said with a little bow.

She led them to the bridge without looking back or clarifying what was going on - not until they finally got there and she steeled herself to look up again. She let out a little sigh and relaxed substantially when she saw that Logan hadn’t followed.

“OK, guys. We have problems—and you, my favorite fuzzy blue elf, are the perfect man for the job, because— _space pirates_ .” She grinned at him suddenly, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “ _Swashbuckling,_ Kurt! Pirates! In space!” She did a quick twirl with her arms extended, grinning widely at the idea.

He broke into a wide grin himself at that. “My favorite kind of problems,” he said.

“Right, well—it’s a problem anyhow,” Kitty said, still grinning as she pulled him forward by the hand again. “Have you met Star Lord yet?”

The way she was half-giggling had Kurt frowning a bit, and when they got up to the captain’s chair, the man turned and rose to meet them with a crooked grin on his face that Kurt instantly did not like.

“Kurt, this is Peter Quill,” Kitty said with a bounce.

“How do you do,” Kurt replied before he simply couldn’t stop himself. “You certainly seem to have a thing for men named ‘Peter’.” Kitty stopped short for a moment and glared at him before recovering her composure.

“Not my fault it works out that way,” Kitty defended with a wave. Quill offered his hand and Kurt put on his most polite false smile as he crushed Quill’s hand in the shake, eyes flashing.

“I didn’t realize you’d left Scott’s little group of traitors,” Kurt said conversationally, addressing Kitty instead of the man in front of him. “If you wanted somewhere to go, you know Storm and I would have found a place for you at the school.”

“It’s not like that,” Kitty said with a shake of her head and a little frown on her features. “But if you don’t want to help -”

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Kurt said with a wave. “I’m happy to help, of course. I’m just not so sure I like my little _katzchen_ with a scoundrel.” She gave him a tight smile with her arms crossed that Kate thought looked an awful lot like something a teenager would do.

“Right, because it takes one to know one, right?” The two of them glared at each other for a moment before, at the same time, they both cracked a smile and a few seconds later, they were hugging and laughing. “Such a big brother,” Kitty giggled. “Come on—look at what Peter has for us.” she pointed to a screen where there were very familiar scenes of charred cities and large sections of planets wiped clean by fire.

“Someone made a phoenix- _like_ weapon,” Quill said as he looked at the two newcomers. “Corsair has it and we gotta get it away from him.”

“That does not sound good on either count,” Kurt said, frowning at the scenes, one hand on his chin and the other behind his back as he leaned over the screen. “Where did such a thing come from?”

“The Kree were developing it,” Quill explained as he brought up what looked like Kree documentation of their scientists working. “But one of their own made off with it before it could be finished.” He gestured at the screens again as Kate peered a bit closer. “But it looks finished and operational now.”

“So - what’s the plan, and what makes you think you’re qualified for the job?” Kurt asked, his tail twitching behind him as he took a more offensive looking stance—arms crossed, chest puffed out and looking down his nose at him.

“Kurt!” Kitty spit out. “He’s with the Guardians of the Galaxy. It’s like—his job.” But Kurt didn’t look the least bit apologetic.

“We going now to meet up with the guy who originally stole the thing from the Kree. He knows how to track it down,” Quill explained, shrugging off the jibe with a crooked grin. “And then—that’s where you come in, apparently. Kitty says you’re the man to go to when it comes to stealing from pirates.”

“If this weapon does what they intend it to do, it will likely not be so simple,” Kurt said with a deep frown. He glanced Kitty’s way. “Are you sure you don’t want to ask Logan’s help in this?”

“If that was actually Logan... maybe. If I had to,” Kitty replied with her arms crossed. “But this whole thing just stinks of ... clone or … Skrull … or … something.”

“ _Katzchen_ ,” Kurt said cajolingly. “He is back. Cable brought him back to us from wherever it is he disappeared to. It was another Logan, an alternate one—that is who we lost.”

“Well— _when?_ ” She demanded. “When were they switched to start with?”

Kurt paused, blinked for a moment, and then shook his head. “You know, I have not thought to ask him that.”

“Don’t you think that’s a good idea?” Kitty hissed out. “To know how long we had the wrong one?”

“You are entirely right. I should have asked him that days ago when he first returned to us,” Kurt said. He shook his head and smiled ruefully. “To be honest, I was more relieved he was back than concerned with the salient details. Forgive my oversight.”

“Does it matter?” Kate broke in, her head tilted to one side as she watched the entire conversation go down. “He’s back. I mean—don’t question it. When I got _my_ best friend back, heaven knows I didn’t ask questions, just went for ice cream.”

Kitty stared at her for a minute, opened her mouth and closed it then glanced at Kurt before she finally said. “It makes a world of difference—in a lot of ways. Things that were said—“ She looked like she was going to say something else but stopped short.

“Well, I guess it _is_ different if you were living with a double,” Kate admitted, shaking her head as she looked between the two X-Men, a bit surprised at how obstinate they were being. “We’ll just _ask_ him. That should clear things up. No point in just… speculating,” she pointed out. A slow smile started as she just couldn’t resist teasing them. “You’d think you guys would communicate better than a team of half-trained up-and-comers, but _seriously_.”

Kurt crossed his arms to match Kitty. “Not all of us have been around each other in recent years, and frankly, we didn’t have cell phones and _texting_ when we got started.”

“Literally every problem the X-Men have ever really had has been due to miscommunication,” Kitty said. “Which, was actually worse when we had freakin’ psychics doing mind links all the time.”

“And Logan says _I’m_ a teenager — and yet somehow my team has mastered communication better than the century of experience you guys have,” Kate said, smirking to herself before she looked at Kurt. “You’re lucky you’re so cute because _wow_ did you just date yourself.”

He frowned and uncrossed his arms. “No.”

“Yes, you really did, blue boy,” she said with a wicked grin and a shake of her head before she just put her hands on her hips and cocked one hip to the side. “So we’ll ask our stabby friend what’s what, we’ll go stop some pirates, and then ice cream. This is the plan now.”

“Fine,” Kitty said shortly, waving her hand at both of them. “You go talk to... _whoever_ that is. I’ve got work to do here.”

Kurt gave her a bit of a glare as Quill just shrugged, but it seemed Kitty just wouldn’t be convinced to come with them. So, finally, Kurt just sighed and relaxed his shoulders, shaking his head as he and Kate slipped off the bridge in search of Logan.

Kate was still smirking the slightest bit as they poked around looking for the third member of their team, and she couldn’t resist teasing Kurt now that she’d found a way to do it. “You went to school uphill in the snow, didn’t you?” she asked with as straight a face as she could manage.

“No, I went to school at the circus,” he shot back. “Uphill for trapeze only.”

She grinned. “Fair enough.” The smirk just widened, though, as she reached over to slip her arm through his and just flat out _grin_. “This was before they invented the wheel, right? Couldn’t just pulley up to the thing?”

He chuckled, “No, that was Logan’s era. I never needed the wheel though when I could just bamf up there.”

“That’s called cheating,” she teased. “Skips the uphill _and_ the snow. How _ever_ can you complain to the kids?”

“I can always bitch about their cell phones.”

She laughed and nodded, putting on a slightly deeper voice to imitate him. “Get off my lawn—and put away your phones! Get some sunlight, you scrawny kids!”

“Careful, it’s catching—start talking like that and you won’t be able to stop!”

She just grinned at him. “I’ll add it to the list of other things I can’t stop around you.”

“Does this list trouble you?” he asked with mock sincerity.

“Oh, every day,” she replied with just as much false seriousness.

“ _T_ _his_ is why Logan told me not to date students,” he muttered under his breath with a smirk.

She stopped to stand on her toes and kiss the line of his jaw. “It’s a good thing I’m not a student,” she whispered back.

“This is entirely true,” he replied. “If you were, I never would have considered it.”

“Well, good. You should know better,” she said, still kissing him. “I, on the other hand, do not.”

“I’m glad you skipped that lesson,” he countered before turning to kiss her properly.  

She just laughed and settled back down from her toes. “We should find Logan, but you—you are _so_ not done teaching me things,” she said with a _very_ mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

“That also is entirely true,” he agreed. “I haven’t even started yet.”

She let out a long and loud sigh. “It’s so hard to be good and actually keep him around when you say things like that,” she said under her breath, just loud enough to be sure he could hear, and there was no mistaking the little smirk and twinkle in his eye when she said it.

It took another ten minutes of searching, but when they finally found Logan, he was halfway into an escape pod, working on the final stages of what it was going to take to facilitate a launch without the bridge being involved.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kurt asked with a fair bit of alarm in his voice.

“Leaving,” Logan replied after he pulled himself out of the pod. “I won’t stay where I’m not wanted.”  

Kurt stared at him openly. “Since when?” he asked in total disbelief. “You have never let anyone chase you out. Why now? Is it because it’s Kitty? Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

Logan shook his head and let out a sigh. “Not that I’m aware of,” he replied. “What the hell did that guy do anyhow?”

“We can find out,” Kate pointed out.

“I thought he was dead,” Logan muttered quietly. “Otherwise I’d kill him.”

Kurt raised both eyebrows at that. “Well, let’s be glad we don’t have to cross that bridge—I’m sure we can figure out whatever this is,” he tried to offer.

“Give me five minutes and my newfangled telephonic device and I could probably fill you in—just tell me when you switched,” Kate said with a smirk, sure that it would be a simple enough matter of asking Billy or Teddy - since they were always keeping up with the superhero news and gossip.

“Wasn’t too long after Kurt came back from the dead,” Logan said with a shrug.

“See? Easy when you communicate,” Kate said, turning to Kurt to pull her cell phone out of her pocket and tap him in the chest with it a couple of times. “And since I spent the better part of a year traveling dimensions, _I_ have a roaming space plan on this thing. What _did_ you do without me?”

Kurt shook his head at her with a muted laugh. “Clearly we should have used you as a resource long ago,” he said, still laughing.

“What the hell difference does it make at this point?” Logan asked as he shook his head. “She doesn’t want a damn thing to do with me, so—whatever it is, the damage is done.”

“Kitty seemed to think it would make a difference,” Kurt said. “She was insistent on that, actually - that it mattered when the switch was made.”

“Why?”

“She didn’t say,” Kurt admitted.

“Why don’t you just _ask_ her?” Kate broke in, shaking her head hard. “You know — talk to each other? Like _grown-ups_?”

“Won’t matter. She’s made up her mind,” Logan said.

“She didn’t want anything to do with the other one, probably,” Kate said with a bit of a glare. “ _This_ you is a hug magnet, and clearly she is missing out.”

“Yeah, I caught _that_ by the big brush-off,” he shot back dryly.

She met his gaze, glared hard, and threw out her arm to point at the door, completely done trying to reason with him and just going for the direct approach. “March, mister. You’re going to go talk to her.”

He frowned a hair deeper and just laughed before he turned back to his preparations. “Right. That’ll happen.”

“Stop acting like _Clint_!” she huffed at him.

“Haven’t tripped over my feet in longer than I can remember,” Logan replied evenly.

“Too busy tripping over your own ego.”

“Whatever,” he said with a wave. “I know her. She won’t talk to me if she’s that mad.”

“It’s like talking to a dramatic twelve-year-old brick wall,” Kate said, throwing up her hands in frustration. “I can’t _believe_ you two are playing ‘no you talk first’ like you’re _six_.”

Logan finally turned around and gave her his full frustration. “Look. It’s over. Okay? That’s it. Let it go.”

She got right up in front of him and poked him in the chest with a glare. “There. Right there. _Now_ you’re the other guy I met,” she said. “Fine—you want to lone wolf it? I guess we’ll just have to deal with the phoenix whatever on our own.”

“Good luck, that crap’ll melt the flesh off your bones. Doesn’t feel too good.” 

“You can say that at my funeral, then.” She poked him again with her finger. “‘Gee, real sorry she got melted. I was lone wolfing it. Oh well.’”

“I don’t do public speaking,” he shot back. “But I’ll send flowers.”

“Alright both of you stop it,” Kurt said suddenly. “You’re not going anywhere yet,” he said pointing at Logan before he turned to Kate. “And you—go talk to Kitty. If she was going to say anything to me, she would have already, and Logan’s right. She won’t talk to him.”

Kate looked up at him with her arms crossed and glare still firmly affixed. “ _Fine_. One intergalactic babysitter on the futzing job,” she all but spit out, mostly Logan’s way.

Logan opened his mouth to say something but Kurt cut across him, “No. You don’t want to talk to Kitty—then keep it to yourself for Kate when she’s trying to help. Just—stop.” He turned to Kate before he continued. “Please. Don’t poke the old man.” He walked closer and dipped his head down to draw her focus to him. “This isn’t a friends thing,” he said gently. “It’s more like a father-daughter thing.”

She looked like the wind had been punched out of her sails entirely as the glare quickly softened at the explanation, the topic of fathers still obviously a fresh hurt. “I’ll talk to Kitty,” she said, this time in a much more subdued tone. “Don’t—don’t let him leave without us. There are _space pirates,_ and I don’t want to miss out.”

“I’ll hold him down if I have to,” Kurt promised.

She relaxed, uncrossed her arms, and smiled at that. “You better,” she agreed before she stole a quick kiss and grinned at him. “And for future reference? You’re kind of cute when you’re all ‘this is how it’s gonna be’,” she told him at a low whisper before she just laughed, spun on her heel and headed off, back the direction she and Kurt had come.  

When Kate finally reached the bridge, she poked her head in with a jaunty wave, crossing over to Kitty to just grin at her. “Hey. Can we try that introductions thing again?” she asked. “Feels like there was a lot going on, and we got lost in the shuffle.”

“Um... sure?” Kitty said as she turned away from the collection of screens and projections.

Kate smiled and stuck out her hand. “Alright. I’m Hawkeye. Currently sorta kinda dating Kurt? We haven’t worked that out. Also currently on a world trip with him and Logan. Nice to meet you.”

She smiled up until the part about the world trip, and she extended her hand with a tight smile. “Shadowcat,” she said. Currently dating Star Lord - _so_ tickled to see someone that looks like fun dating my favorite fuzzy blue elf. Or... whatever you’re going to call it. And I hope you haven’t had to deal with too much of _that_ guy’s baggage on your trip. Japan sucks.”

“Japan got me a tropical paradise retreat with the fuzzy blue elf, so I will have to heartily disagree,” Kate said with a wide smile. “And I’m used to baggage. I hang with Clint Barton and trade on his name.”

“Go to Japan enough and it will suck sooner or later. Between the ninjas and - well. Everything else. It wears on a person,” Kitty said before she tried for a smile and a subject change. “And Hawkeye? Really? I thought he was Ronin now.”

“That didn’t last too long. We share the name. It’s a long story,” Kate said, waving her hand. “World’s big enough for two Hawkeyes anyway.”

“Alright then,” Kitty said with a smile as she brushed the hair out of her face. “Is there anything else you needed or just... ‘hi’?”

Kate just shrugged unconcernedly. “Well, the Logans switched right after Kurt came back from the dead, but I don’t suppose that interests you, does it?” she asked, her tone never slipping from the casual conversational one they’d kept up the entire time.

Kitty stared at her for just a moment and looked shocked—and then she simply deflated. “I … kinda hoped it would. But now... that just makes it _my_ problem.” She shook her head. “Are you sure it’s not the same one just... not dead anymore? Because ... that .. well it would suck, but ...”

“I swear.” Kate put a hand on her heart. “Look, I’ve been to the other one’s grave, I’ve met a grumpy old version, and I saw the footage of Cable bringing this one back. Three of them is a handful, but this one’s apparently the real thing,” she added, shrugging up to her ears.

“How do they know?” Kitty asked. “That this is the real one—and not some other … variation.”

“They brought in a psychic. Some white queen who turned a _spectacular_ color when he kicked her out of his head,” Kate said, grinning.

Kitty pulled a face, but couldn’t help but smile. “Okay. That—they shouldn’t have brought her in. I _hate_ her.” She paused and let out a breath. “He passed, though?”

“He passed. And then we stole a jet from SHIELD. It’s been a crazy few days,” Kate said, grinning wider. “But... I hope that helps, the knowing when it happened?”

Kitty let out a breath and shook her head. “Well—now it just sucks because he’s here... and it’s messed up. And he doesn’t remember it—or .. I guess… he doesn’t even _know_.” She crossed her arms and uncrossed them and started pacing.

Kate watched her for a second before she took a step forward and held out a hand. “Ice cream. You _clearly_ need ice cream.”

Kitty stopped and looked at her for a moment. “You know what?” she said as a slow smile started. “That’s probably the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

Kate beamed. “Great. Let’s find some—unless this place doesn’t have any on board, in which case, I am _so_ going to find an ice cream maker for you before this is over.”

“Are you kidding? I can’t live with these idiots up here without something from home,” Kitty said. “Though the pickings are slim, and I think all I have left is just plain chocolate.”

“Well, chocolate is still chocolate, even in space,” Kate said. “Come on. I’m buying.” With that, she didn’t ask before she slipped her arm around Kitty’s shoulders and threw out her other arm. “But you have to lead the way. This spaceship isn’t built like the last one, and I can’t for the life of me figure out the layout yet.”  

  
Kitty put her arm around Kate’s waist and just nodded her head. “You got it, lady. Let’s hit it.”


	9. Earth Girls Are Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are space pirates and Kate gets to find out just how ridiculous it is when your ex and your beau are in the same spaceship together. 
> 
> Also, there is swashbuckling, complete with a Journey soundtrack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains swordfighting, mild swearing, innuendo, a reference to a nonconsensual kiss, references to suicidal tendencies, references to demonic possession, space pirates, and awkwardness. So much awkwardness.

It didn’t take Kitty and Kate long at all to find chocolate ice cream and a quiet corner on Quill’s ship where they could eat and chat to their hearts’ content - complete with a view of the stars. 

“So — Kurt,” Kate said, leaning in with a wide smirk. “You’ve  _ got  _ to have stories, I’m sure.”

“Kurt,” Kitty repeated with a nod. “Yes. Lots of Kurt stories.” She was nodding and smiling to herself. “He scared the life out of me when I first met him. Spoiled rich girl from Chicago — ballet lessons every day after school. And then the freakin’ X-Men show up to recruit me."

Kate smirked. “I don’t see how that’s scary,” she teased. “It means no more ballet lessons.” 

“First of all, I  _ loved  _ the ballet lessons,” Kitty said, pointing her spoon Kate’s way. “And secondly, I was 13 and had never seen anything like him before.” 

“He is rather striking,” Kate said, smirking around her own spoon. 

“He is the sweetest guy on the planet,” Kitty said. “Well … he’s just the sweetest guy period.” 

“He really is,” Kate agreed. “It’s so  _ refreshing  _ isn’t it?”

“It is, and so...  _ charming. _ ” Kitty grinned. “Be careful. He disarms people completely.” 

“Oh,  _ now  _ you tell me,” Kate laughed. “It’s far too late  _ now _ .”

“Well — then good luck!” she was shaking her head and chuckling to herself. “As his friend, I feel like I should like - threaten you or something. But, really, if it gets serious — long term? I’ll just look forward to seeing who he gets for the ceremony.” 

Kate raised both eyebrows and pointed her spoon Kitty’s way. “I thought you said you weren’t going to threaten me,” she teased. 

Kitty just smiled and shrugged up to her ears. “Oops. Slipped out. Except, it’s not really a threat. Whoever he finally catches and settles down with will be very very lucky.” 

Kate just laughed and then leaned back in her chair, eyeing Kitty, sure she’d finally found her opening, even if it was, like, the most awkward, why-would-you-bring-this-up-one-week-in kind of opening. “In this theoretical future — which is totally, if at all happening, like, at least a decade away — you’d have to be there, and so would his best friend, you know.” 

“It’s far more probable that one of us would be dead by then,” Kitty said dryly. 

“I’m sure you’ll walk it off. That’s a thing with the X-Men.” Kate shrugged and watched Kitty for a moment. “Apparently.”

“Right, got it. We’ll see what happens,” Kitty breathed out, her whole body language reading downward. “And I guess we’ll figure it out then.”

Kate had to struggle not to roll her eyes. So, the quiet approach wasn’t working - time to be more direct. “It might help that he has apparently no idea what’s going on, if I’m reading the situation right. But I’m just a Hawkeye, what do I know?”

Kitty let out a sigh and turned to face her, her head resting on one palm. “You are not subtle, Hawkeye.” 

“If I was, I’d never get anywhere,” Kate said with a little shrug. “I keep up with demigods and interdimensional travelers. I can’t  _ do  _ background subtlety.”

“So what exactly are you fishing for?” 

“Whatever it is that’s got you mad at Wolverine,” Kate said sincerely - no sense in hiding it. “And I swear, I won’t judge. There is literally nothing you could tell me I haven’t seen in some dimension somewhere — I think.”

“You  _ are  _ young, aren’t you?” Kitty said with one eye half closed. “But I’ll play.” She set her bowl down and leaned forward. “Ok. Try this one on for size — I’ll gloss over the fine details of the whole beginning and skip to the meat and potatoes for you.” She took a deep breath and held it for a few moments before she began. 

“So. Like — a week before Logan died? I was in Madripoor trying to find him because he’d gone all-out to stop the bad guys that were flooding him and I knew — I just  _ knew  _ he’d be there sooner or later, and he wasn’t taking my calls anymore. Long miserable story short — I end up possessed by this evil demon that had done the same thing when I was thirteen and when Logan finally showed up? I saved him. Gave him a shot that mimicked a healing factor so he didn’t  _ die  _ on me.” 

She watched Kate for a few minutes before she continued. “And I went with him — only... I wasn’t in charge of what I was doing — the demon was right? And we went to Japan so he could settle his business. And he gets all... freaking  _ suicidal _ on me. I’ve never heard him talk like that.  And I tried to do something — say something that would help? And the demon pushed me aside and threw me at him. I kissed him.” She narrowed her eyes. “I mean... it wasn’t me? But I was in there.” 

Kate had listened to the entire story in subdued, rather stunned silence, and when Kitty was done, she had to take a few seconds to compose her thoughts before she just gave up and stood up to just  _ hug  _ Kitty, because that was just about all she could think to do.

“It was enough at the time,” Kitty said as Kate tightened the hug. “It was enough that I finally was able to kick that bastard demon out - but the whole point was to wreck what we had — and the next thing I heard, Logan was dead.” 

“Wow.” Kate finally took a slight step back and looked Kitty over. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn’t  _ that _ , and Kate just had to… process. “Just... “ She shook her head and took a second to process before she took another deep breath. “So... don’t let that futzing demon wreck it,” she said at last. 

“But that — you’re telling me  _ that wasn’t even the right guy _ _ — _ and I’m the only one that knows it happened? That’s not fair.” She shook her head. “I mean — It’s just … he’s like my  _ dad. _ ” 

“That’s a much better dad than I had,” Kate said, slightly subdued. “I’d say you’re lucky.”

“My actual dad was the reason I got possessed in the first place,” Kitty said as she half-threw her hands up. “Logan helped me beat the demon the first time.” 

“Logan killed my actual dad just the other night because he put a hit out on me,” Kate admitted, still subdued, then looked up at Kitty. “Sounds to me like he did right by both of us.” 

Kitty had wrapped her arms around her middle and was just mulling it over, chewing on her lip. “How mad is he?” 

At that, Kate started to smile — _ finally _ , she was getting somewhere. “There was yelling. I got in his face. Typical grumpy old man things, if experience is any indicator,” Kate said, tilting her head to the side. “But he sorta kinda threatened to kill the other him if he wasn’t dead already for… whatever he’d done.”

“ _ He _ didn’t do anything wrong though,” Kitty said shaking her head. “He stopped it and pushed me back. I think it scared the crap out of him, honestly.” she put her hands up by her face. “Boo.” 

Kate smirked at that. “Well I can understand that. I think I’d give  _ my  _ mentor a  _ heart attack  _ if I…” She waved her hand Kitty’s way and pulled a face, unable to even finish the sentence. “Seriously.  _ Seriously _ . That’s just…  _ no _ .”

“I think it scared him off of taking thirty seconds to see Jubilee and Hisako too though — because he made a beeline from Japan to … well. There were no stops.” 

“That wasn’t this guy,” Kate said quietly. “I know he looks and talks and acts like him but…” She paused and took another breath. “Okay. So — I used to date this alien? And the first time we met, he legitimately tried to  _ murder me  _ and my team. Only he was mind-controlled at the time.” She made a motion with her hands. “Mind-controlled or demon-controlled or whatever else? That’s not you either. Took him  _ forever  _ to get that, and you — you seem too nice to wallow in that.” 

Kitty just stared back at her for a moment. “Where is he?” Kitty asked after she stuck her hands in her back pockets. 

“Last I saw, he was by the escape pods being more or less held down by Kurt,” Kate admitted. “But if we find a bamf, I’m sure we’ll find both of them.” 

“What the hell was he doing by the escape pods?” Kitty asked sounding — and looking — stressed. “They wouldn’t get him all the way to the ground safely.” 

“Oh, that would have been good information to know when I was trying to stop him leaving. I could have threatened to come  _ with  _ him,” Kate muttered. 

“Do you have a death wish?” Kitty asked. “Because if you just want to die — just keep going to Japan with him.” 

“No, but he clearly doesn’t care if  _ he  _ gets hurt. And both of them are just so…  _ ugh _ .” Kate threw her hands up. “The chivalry is only cute  _ sometimes. _ ” 

“You have no idea,” Kitty said shaking her head. “Let’s find them. Even money says Kurt’s got to hold onto him and that Logan’s going anyhow.” 

“I don’t take bets I know you’ll win,” Kate agreed, then looked around. “I’m sure there’s a bamf somewhere we could use to find them. Those little guys seem to follow me.” 

KItty stopped in her tracks and looked her up and down with a grin. “Oh, that’s a good sign. You said it’s just been a few days?"

“Just around a week or so,” Kate said, nodding. “But I mean — they’re not hard to like. They’re kind of  _ adorable _ .”

Kitty just laughed and offered Kate her hand. “I’ve been close friends with Kurt for years and it took months for them to decide to like me.” She shook her head to herself. “ _ What am I doing?  _  Grab on, escape pods are three levels down.” She offered Kate her hand with a smirk.

Kate looked surprised and then pleased before she nodded and took Kitty’s hand. “O-kay. How’re we getting there?” 

“Kurt’s not the only one with an interesting way to travel.” Almost as soon as Kitty took her hand they started to sink through the floor and everything below it until they were to the right deck. 

Kate was a bit wide-eyed when they stopped, one hand on her stomach pressing hard to make sure she was solid again. “Oh, it’s definitely weirder seeing the inside of walls than just poofing around,” she said at nearly a whisper. 

“Yes. Yes it is,” Kitty agreed. “But I can go through nearly everything.” She shrugged. “A few alien metals are not easy — and naturally, adamantium makes me sick.” 

“Oh, it’s definitely cool,” Kate said quickly. “Just... weirded me out for a second there.” 

When they found the two men, Logan was leaning against the railing nearest the pod, his arms crossed and a scowl firmly in place while Kurt was just across the catwalk watching him. 

Kate smiled at both of them. “So I’ve been officially threatened by the friend about being careful with you,” she said Kurt’s way. “And also — chocolate is the fix-all for everything, even in space. What have you two been up to?”

“Oh, you know,” Kurt said with a wave. “The other side of your slumber party. Talking about people who need to be stabbed and braiding our hair.” 

“Well as long as some of those people include space pirates,” Kate said, grinning, then tipped her head to the side, eyes narrowed as if she was trying to see him better. “And I see no braids, you little imp.” 

“Well, we got tired of them when the ribbons didn’t hold,” Kurt said with a shrug. “Is that all you girls did?” 

“No, we also talked about how  _ totally gross  _ it would be if I kissed Clint, so, you know, more content for the therapy I’m gonna need,” Kate said, smirking at him. “Oh, and we also talked about you, Logan. Or the other you. Apparently that one saw some crazy stuff go down while you were gone. So — glad that’s not on you. Only fun stuff for the real Wolverine.” She looked over at Kitty. “Anything you want to say to the giant hug magnet, or should we just skip to pirates now?” 

Kitty just stared Kate’s way for a moment, her jaw locked and her eyes narrowed. “No I think that pretty much lays it out well enough,” Kitty mumbled before she looked up at Logan, who wasn’t looking her way at all. “Ogun pulled some crap,” she said, sounding almost tortured as her shoulders drooped. “And then you went and died on me, so I couldn’t fix it.” 

“Wasn’t me,” Logan replied with a far too serious expression on his face. 

“I know. But okay. This is  _ my _ problem? And I’ll work it out. But... don’t go anywhere? That pod will just get you into the atmosphere and I don’t want you dying on me again,” Kitty said with her shoulders shrugged up to her ears. “I still have that letter you gave me.” She gave him a sheepish kind of smile as he finally looked up at her. 

He let out a deep breath and shook his head, simply letting it all go. 

“I promise — if another alternate-different version of you ever did anything to me, I would tell you — but the trouble was from Ogun. I shouldn’t have yelled,” Kitty said. 

He nodded his head once and she grinned before she zipped across the catwalk to wrap her arms around his middle and try to squeeze the life half out of him. He gave her a squeeze back and couldn’t stop the little smirk at the corner of his mouth before he looked up at Kate, who looked  _ delighted _ . 

“Shut up. I am not a damn hug magnet,” Logan growled out, though he hadn’t let go of Kitty. 

“I haven’t even  _ said _ anything yet,” Kate said, but she was grinning ear to ear, her thumbs in her belt as she leaned casually against the wall and looked like she might burst unless she quickly redirected the conversation. “So — pirates?”

“Yes, please,” Kitty said, still half snuggled into Logan. He looked over at Kate and leveled a finger at her. 

“Don’t — just — don’t even  _ look _ at me in that tone of voice,” he said seriously. 

Kate burst out into a full laugh, shaking her head hard as she just continued to watch them gleefully. 

Kitty looked up at him for a second before she loosened her grip and frowned just a bit. Logan gave her an odd look just before she held her breath and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He’d held still for it but immediately got very gruff with her and gave her a quick pat on the shoulder. “Alright, enough of that, go on,” he muttered to himself as she beamed. 

When she went to stand by Kate again, she leaned in close to her. “I swear to God, if you tell him or Kurt what happened? I’ll phase you into something that you’ll never get out of. I happen to know of a place about six miles under the school where there is a pocket of air that Emma Frost once occupied.” 

“Now  _ that  _ is a threat,” Kate said with a wince before she just nodded and put her hand on her heart. “I swear — I won’t tell either of them.”

“Or anyone else,” Kitty clarified. 

“Or anyone else,” Kate agreed. “It’s not my secret to share anyway.” 

With the air between the four of them slightly clearer now, they headed to the bridge so Logan could get a good look at the evidence the weapon had left behind of its destructive capabilities, and so they could get a few more details on the road ahead.

It wasn’t long after that before Quill announced that they had reached the rendezvous to meet up with the guy who had originally stolen the phoenix-weapon from the Kree, though when Kate saw the familiar ship on the monitors, she actually rose up on her toes and raised both eyebrows high.

“I know that ship,” she said, and the three X-Men nearby turned to look at her for a moment before she realized that she had said it out  _ loud _ and actually blushed a deep pink. “Um... it’s a long story. But me and my team? We lived on that ship for, like,  _ months _ .”

“Then you won’t have any problems working with our contact,” Quill said with a wide smile. “Excellent. I didn’t realize that anyone was making intergalactic friends outside of the X-Men.”

“Oh, um.” Kate wasn’t sure what to say to backtrack without getting into the long story. “Yeah — well, my old team’s pretty full up of aliens.”

“Well, which team is that?” Quill asked with a little frown. 

“The Young Avengers,” Kate said with a little smile. 

“You mean that’s actually a thing? Like — is that a junior Avengers squad or more like an unaffiliated thing that you need lawyers to defend like the Great Lakes Avengers?” Quill looked somehow not entirely serious. “Squirrel Girl’s kinda hot.” 

Kate and Logan both snorted slightly at that, but for totally different reasons. “Hey, we didn’t pick the name? My boys saved some people in a fire, and next thing we knew, that’s what J. Jonah Jameson and his newspaper were calling us.” She shrugged and managed a rueful grin. “This was, of course, before I straightened them out and gave them better, not-knock-off uniforms.”

“Oh,” Quill said as he gave them both an odd look, still nodding to himself. “Alright then.” Kitty shot Logan a look and he just shrugged and tried to look innocent. 

“I had no idea JJ named you,” he said to Kate, ignoring the glare Kitty was giving him. 

“Yeah — we weren’t that happy about it either,” Kate said, shrugging again. “But to be fair? All my boys were related to the Avengers somehow. Original team really was kind of a junior squad until I made it cooler.”

“Lucky for them,” Logan said with a smirk before he nudged her with his elbow.

She just smirked. “I make everything cooler,” she whispered. 

“I’ll let you keep thinkin’ that,” he replied just as quietly before Kitty walked past and grabbed his arm to pull him along. 

The group of them headed down to the docking bay as Quill’s ship met up with the blue and white one, and when the hatch opened, a tall alien with shock-white hair and a black, white, and green uniform stepped out. When he saw Kate, he broke into a wide smile, though he seemed tentative walking toward her. “Kate? What are you doing here?” he asked. 

“Hey, Marvel Boy.” She shrugged lightly but didn’t make a move toward him. “I was promised pirates, so here I am.” 

He smiled wider at that. “It’s good to see you again,” he said sincerely, and she regarded him for a second before she couldn’t  _ not  _ smile and just nodded with a little smirk. 

“Long time no see,” she said.

Logan tapped Kurt on the chest and out of the side of his mouth said “Bug Boy.” Kurt frowned, met Logan’s gaze, and then comprehension dawned on his face. 

“Oh,” Kurt replied flatly. “ _ Herrlich _ .”

Noh-Varr looked around at the little group and straightened up the slightest bit. “I believe I’ve been introduced to only a few of you,” he said. “But we have time for that later. I’ll show you what I’ve learned about this weapon first — and get it back out of Corsair’s hands.” As he passed Kate, he added in an undertone, “And then maybe pancakes.”  

As the group of them started to head back to the bridge, Noh paused for a second and put a hand on Kate’s shoulder to stop her. She turned to him with raised eyebrows but saw that he was looking past her at the others before he looked back down at her. “It really is good to see you again,” he started out, “but I’m not sure I like the company you’re keeping. Teaming up with Wolverine?” He shook his head. “Trust me — that is only trouble.” 

Kate snorted out a laugh despite herself, crossed her arms, and shook her head at him. “Thanks for the concern, but I  _ like  _ teaming up with them,” she said. 

He frowned the slightest bit and tilted his head to one side before he let out a breath. “I’ve never been able to stop you before,” he muttered almost to himself and then shrugged her way as they caught up with the others. “It seems like you’ve been busy. I’d love to catch up,” he added almost under his breath to her.

She kept her arms crossed but had to smile at that. “Well you’ve been robbed since I last saw you,” she pointed out. “We both have stories, apparently.”

“Hey Kate — fresh coffee,” Logan shouted from the bridge. 

Kate turned Logan’s way with a huge grin and a laugh. “You’re only feeding the addiction, Wolverine,” she teased him as she all but bounded over. 

“Maybe I just want to see you  _ happy _ ,” Logan countered before he leaned back on the table and just watched her. 

She laughed and shook her head at him before she poured herself a mug. “Maybe you just want to keep me around to shoot all your bad guys for you,” she teased. “Bait the trap with a coffee carrot.” 

“Yep. Caught me redhanded. I’m probably the best bad guy bait you ever found.” 

“It’s still early. I’m reserving judgement,” she teased over the top of her cup. 

“Alright — take your time, darlin’,” Logan said with a tiny little smirk. “Lord knows I got plenty of it.” 

She snorted out a little laugh, rolled her eyes, and then looked past him at Noh, who was watching the exchange with a strange expression on his face. “So... pirates?” she asked. 

“Peterquill has them up on the screen now,” Logan told her. “Probably shoot one over the bow in another twenty minutes.” 

“Oh good.” She settled happily against the nearest wall, one leg bent up to keep her balance. 

Noh looked between the two of them for a moment before he just shrugged with a little frown and started to explain, addressing Quill, though his gaze drifted often to Logan and Kate: “When I escaped the Kree some time ago, I made a few... stops through their experimental labs. They might not have had the Phoenix force in their possession long, but it was enough to study it — and to try to replicate it.” He shrugged again, up to his ears. “I didn’t realize at the time what I had taken until very recently when I had my ship analyze it more fully. By the time I understood what the weapon was supposed to do, I was under fire. It took me some time to repair my ship enough to even contact you for help.”

“You didn’t have this problem before,” Kate pointed out with a frown. “I don’t remember anyone coming after us for any weapons like that.” 

“Maybe Bug Boy was distracted from the task at hand and couldn’t keep his head in the game,” Logan said with a smug look — just quiet enough that he knew Noh could hear it. 

Noh paused and frowned Logan’s way before he said, “Like I said, I didn’t know what I had. Honestly, it might have remained undetected if I hadn’t gotten bored and run an analysis that set it off.” 

“Lucky you got bored,” Logan replied with a smirk. 

“Not really,” Noh shot back. “It would have been better if this thing just fell into obscurity.” 

“Well I guess  _ I’m _ just lucky you got bored then,” Logan replied. “It was getting dull back home.” 

“With Hawkeye as your travelling companion?” Noh smirked. “You must not have much sense of adventure then.” 

“Haven’t been  _ travelling  _ too long yet.”  

Kate just grinned and nodded. “Only about a week. But there were  _ ninjas _ .” 

“And I promised more.” Logan bumped her shoulder. “Aren’t you glad you sprung me?” 

“Best decision ever,” she teased with a grin that had Noh frowning even deeper. 

Noh looked between the two of them for another long moment before he said, “We’ll have to take my ship to get any closer to the pirates. After that analysis, I can detect their weapon’s energy signature, so we’ll know before they fire and can avoid it.” He looked Kate’s way and started to smile. “Do you still remember how to fly it, or do you want a quick brush-up?” 

“Kate can fly anything,” Logan said with a smirk before he kicked off from the wall. “She already proved it a couple times with the blackbird.” He stopped and turned back to Noh. “Come to think of it — she’s probably got more time on it than you do.”  

Noh bristled. “Well, after an interstellar craft with technology from another dimension, I’m sure yours was a comedown.” 

“I doubt it,” Kurt said with a smirk. “The company on it was much better.” 

“Only when she was there,” Noh replied with a smirk to match. 

“Yes, I have to agree, she’s quite the lovely companion,” Kurt replied.

“She’s also  _ right here _ ,” Kate broke in, arms crossed as she looked over the three men. “Put the rulers away.” 

“Sorry darlin’,” Logan said quietly. “He’s just fun to poke at.” 

“Yes, we meant nothing by it,  _ liebchen _ ,” Kurt agreed as he came to stand on Kate’s other side. 

“We can all play nice,” Kitty added with a giggle. 

Kate looked over Kitty’s way, then over her shoulder at the men, and then just crossed the space to stand next to Kitty instead, throwing her arm around the other girl’s shoulders. “That’s it. We’ll let them bang rocks together — you and I have pirates or something to fight,” she said. 

“Yes, and when we’re done, maybe the boys can take you to the Danger Room. It’s the coolest place on the planet — especially with them,”  Kitty agreed, having caught on to the guys’ little game. “It’ll score your performance and everything. Logan always wipes the floor with everyone.” 

“True, near perfect score every time,” Kurt said with a nod. “But it sets the bar for the rest of us to catch up.”

Kate grinned, sensing a challenge but completely missing the joke. “Well it’s never seen  _ me _ .” 

“I promise to put you through your paces then,” Kurt said with a smirk. 

“I’ll hold you to that — sounds fun,” she said, grinning wider. 

“We may even use it for it’s  _ intended _ purpose.” Kurt grinned wickedly her way, his tail flicking behind him and the bamfs giggling around the bridge in unison. 

Kate’s grin changed into a smirk as she looked Kurt’s way and finally clued in. “Oh, promises, promises.” She bit her lip as she met his gaze for another few seconds before she said, “Though — we  _ did  _ promise to be good.... Pirates first.” 

Kurt let out a deep sigh. “If we must, then let’s hurry up and kill some pirates.” He offered Kate his hand, and when she took it, he kissed her palm reverently. 

Noh had his arms crossed over his chest and just frowned through the entire display before he turned on his heel. “Well let’s get going,” he said, his tone more businesslike than before. “I’d hate to waste any more time and risk someone getting hit because they were  _ distracted _ .” 

“I’ve never had any trouble keeping my focus,” Kurt replied. “Not when there are pirates to be stabbed.” He turned to Noh with a broad grin. “Try to keep up.” 

“Just don’t slow me down,” Noh returned, smirking broadly, before he waved them toward his ship. 

Logan barked out a laugh. “Yeah, that’ll happen. Hey — if we’re pickin’ teams — I want both of you,” he said to Kurt and Kitty. “Kate, I can’t wait to see you pick these suckers off.” 

“Just stand back and be amazed, Wolverine,” she replied with a huge grin and with her arm through Kurt’s. 

“If you can amaze me, then that’ll be something pretty damn impressive,” he replied. “Do it.” 

She just grinned at him, and the group of them boarded Noh’s ship as she headed for the flight controls — Noh at the navigation so he could look out for the weapon’s energy signature. When Kate sat in the pilot’s seat, the control panel for just a moment started to hum, and then the entire thing shifted, morphing into something that looked more like a jet’s control than the alien panel it had been before. 

“It remembers you,” Noh said with a soft kind of smirk as the control panel chirped happily. 

“You sound surprised,” Kurt said. 

“Pleasantly so,” Noh replied honestly. “It’s a Kree ship — it prefers a nonhuman touch.” 

“Then I’d be interested to see if it could handle me as well,” Kurt shot back. “Likely not.” 

“Well, it  _ does  _ have good taste,” Noh countered, and Kate threw her head back with a loud groan of frustration.

“Stop it, both of you!” she ordered as she started up the engines. “You’re going to give me a headache.” 

“If we’re too bothersome, I can always teleport him to tea with our fathers,” Kurt replied with a laugh and a genuine grin — amused at the situation he found himself in before he shook his head lightly. “I’m sorry, _ liebling _ , but Logan is right — he’s fun to poke at.” He shook his head with an amused laugh. “I don’t recall the Kree being so... sensitive.” 

“Only when it’s an important matter,” Noh said softly. “Though I  _ have  _ been on Earth for a long time now.”

“Agreed,” Kurt said his way with a broad grin. “I look forward to killing pirates with you.” 

At that, Noh turned Kurt’s way with a little grin of his own. “And I with you,” he said. “You do in fact have a reputation for this kind of thing.” He smirked the slightest bit and then turned back to his instruments, pausing just long enough to add, “And I have worked with your partner before. If experience is any indicator, we will have much work to do.”

“It depends entirely on how many swords we have at our disposal,” Kurt replied as he turned to look at Kitty. “Do you have one only for yourself, or is there an extra to share with your adoptive father?” 

Kitty perked right up. “No! I have an extra katana,” she said smiling as her head whipped toward Logan. “Unless you’d rather just work with the claws?” Logan just smirked and shook his head. 

“I’ll use ‘em if I have to, but might be fun to stretch,” Logan replied — which only got both Kitty and Kurt smiling wider. 

Kate looked over her shoulder for a moment to raise her eyebrow at him before she went back to the controls. “I didn’t know you could do that.”  

“I’m a samurai,” Logan told her. “There isn’t a weapon that’s been made that I’m not good at.” 

“See, that just screams for an archery competition right there,” Kate said, grinning to herself. 

“If that’s what you want to do after the pirates, that can be arranged,” Logan said with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t know where we can get the horses though. Motorcycles might have to do.” 

“I’ve shot out of sunroofs. Those work pretty well too.” 

“But you can’t drive at the same time.” 

“True, but it makes it more challenging if you’re doing it with, like, Deadpool at the wheel.” 

“Everything is more challenging with Deadpool at the wheel,” Logan said dryly. “But if you’re taking Wade for your partner, I’ll take Jubes to keep it fair. She can’t keep it between the white lines either.” 

“Man doesn’t know how to take a handicap when he’s handed one,” Kate teased with a widening smirk. 

“Is that an old joke?” Logan asked with a faux snarl. 

“Oh, it is now,” she said, the smirk stretching over her whole face. “I’ve been meaning to ask about the dinosaurs.”

“You want dinosaurs, I’ll take you to the Savage Land,” Logan told her. 

“I was thinking more like you could tell me how they went extinct everywhere else.” 

“Actually,” Logan said thoughtfully. “Spidey’d be more detailed about it than I would. And I can only guess, since we left before it actually happened.” He planted his fist into the palm of his other hand. “It was a big fiery rock.”

“I forgot I was talking to an X-Man for a second,” she said with a fake groan of frustration. “Time travel. Ugh.” Logan just smirked her way, knowing it was hard to tease when it was a situation like that. 

A few moments later, though, Noh broke into the atmosphere of teasing with a quick, “We’ve found them. And it appears they’ve found us.” He glanced Kate’s way over the holograms he had pulled up to keep track of the weapon’s energy signature, spread out at fingertip distance. “Coming in hard — evasion pattern delta.” 

“Yep. On it,” Kate said and immediately yanked on the controls to pull them out of harm’s way. For several long minutes, the pattern repeated itself — with Noh simply calling out one-word instructions and Kate piloting, a few times even anticipating his next call. By the time she got them in close enough, the others were already ready to make the jump to the next ship, weapons in hand. 

Once they were alongside the other ship, Noh’s ship seemed to simply part for them to jump out of it, pulling aside to make a door in the wall for them to leap through as soon as Noh got close enough for it to respond to his presence. The other three leapt out into the fray before Kate got back from the pilot’s seat to follow, though Noh stopped her for just a second and handed her a pink and white device.

“You don’t have to keep it, but I would rather you had it for this battle — it will do more to damage those of other worlds than your Terran arrows,” Noh explained quickly, and although Kate frowned hard, she took the device, and it immediately wrapped itself to the shape of her hand, energy flaring out at the ends to become a bow. 

She couldn’t help it as she grinned at the bow and twanged the energy string for just a moment before she looked over her shoulder his way. “I’ll give it back when this is over.”

“If that’s what you decide.” With that, the two of them ran to catch up with the others, and Kate was definitely aware of the fact that Noh was running on the walls with a few extra and completely unnecessary flips. 

For as long as it had been, it was easy for Kate and Noh to fall into an easy rhythm, as she remembered his fighting style and knew better than to shoot where he was headed, instead clearing the path for him that she knew he would take when he was done with his current adversaries. 

The two of them fought easily, trusting each other to shoot anyone that got too close, and on more than one occasion, one of them would shout the other’s name, and with an immediate turn, a pirate would find an energy arrow or energy weapon in his chest — and Kate saw Noh flip backwards over her head a few times, shooting over her shoulder at pirates that had been trying to get closer to her. 

Kitty and Logan were already falling into what was clearly a familiar pace together as well, their swords slicing and singing as they worked through the pirates nearest them. Their styles — though they held a familiar edge — were still vastly different, with Logan’s samurai training showing against Kitty’s ninja background.

And nearby the two of them, Kurt was simply in his element — a broad grin on his face as he danced through the pirates, fighting several different fights at once, sheathing his sword from time to time simply to use his tail to disarm his opponents and then bamf them into the path of one of his companions. 

When the pirates seemed to catch on to what he was doing, they tried to keep out of his reach, but rather than chase them around by bamfing, he decided it would be far more interesting to simply bamf his companions closer to them and then circle around behind the adversaries to drive them closer to the shining katanas. 

When the pirates’ charged weapons finally destroyed Kitty’s sword, Logan simply tossed his to her and popped his claws to continue their damage path without so much as a word shared. 

Once the claws were in play, the dynamic of the X-Men changed again, and on more than one occasion, Kitty would grab on to either Logan or Kurt and simply phase them out keeping them from taking a blow to somewhere vital. 

As they worked through the pirates, Noh took a second to check a device on his arm that displayed a few holograms at eye level before he called out, “Next deck up!” as the group pressed their advantage through the knots of pirates.

As they moved through the ship, the X-Men had found a way to monopolize on the lessened gravity field around their battle field, and Kurt was keeping his two old friends from drifting out too far off course by occasionally bamfing them closer when they were sent flying. 

Kitty had a new trick that she’d been working on and was delighted to find that it worked as well on Logan as it had on a few of her other test dummies — she’d lessen their density enough to be able to get them moving fast — and she positively squealed when she’d discovered that with the lowered gravity and the lowered mass while she had contact with him — she could pull off her own version of the fastball special. 

Her delighted laughter drew Star Lord’s attention — though not as much as when Kurt bamfed next to her simply to give her a congratulatory hug mid-battle as Logan flew through what looked like an important part of Corsair’s tech. 

“Oh! I’ve always wanted to do that,” Kitty laughed. “Piotr made it sound like so much fun.” 

“I’m just surprised it took you so long to figure out how,” Kurt laughed with her before he kissed her temple and bamfed away, truly enjoying his swashbuckling adventure. 

Kurt was fighting with about three of them at once when a fourth and fifth joined in the fight, making a grab for his arms when a bright purple beam shot through the one on the left and, seconds later, on the right — and then the other three.

“Yes, I know you had them on the ropes,” Kate called out before he could say anything. “But I had a shot, and it turns out  _ I’m  _ overprotective too.” She grinned impishly. “Oops.”

With a bamf, he appeared right over her, hanging upside down from a section of ship. “My hero,” he said with a grin before he leaned forward and kissed her full on the mouth. “Remind me to thank you properly later.”  

“Oh, I definitely will,” she said, grinning ear to ear and looking slightly pink. 

At nearly that moment, the battlefield was filled with the surprising chords of music, and both of them turned to see that Noh had made his way over to a control panel to slide in a Journey record — “Separate Ways” — before he went back to fighting, complicated flips with almost every shot when he wasn’t simply kicking through pirates. 

He was mid-flip when one of the pirates got fed up with it and simply booted him in the back and send him flying sideways, throwing off his momentum completely as he crashed into the wall, now with a pirate standing over him before — _ bamf _ ! — he found himself on the top of a balcony with Kurt, who was grinning at him. 

“No need to kiss me,” Kurt said with a wide grin. “The first bamf is free.”

At that, Noh burst into a laugh. “And the second?” he asked. 

“We’ll just have to see if you’ve anything that I want,” Kurt teased before he looked down below them. “If you tuck in your knees just a second sooner, you get more spin.” Kurt tipped his head before he demonstrated with a backflip that turned a full four rotations before he hit the ground, and Noh had to laugh before he followed suit. 

It wasn’t long before the pirates were starting to seriously thin - and in a few moments, a tall man in red walked out into the fray with arms crossed over his chest. “Enough! Stop putting holes in my ship,” Corsair said, and for a moment, the battle paused as both pirates and X-Men seemed to size up the situation.

“You have something of mine,” Noh said, straightening up from where he had been crouched to spring at a pirate.

“I highly doubt that,” Corsair replied with an airy wave of his hand.

“A Kree-derived weapon, highly potent, fairly unstable - we can keep putting holes in your ship if your memory fails,” Noh countered with a glare. 

“And holes in your crew,” Kitty added as she came to a stop next to Logan and Kurt. 

Corsair crossed his arms with a deep, distrustful frown. “You must be joking. I’m not handing you a weapon you can use to finish the job.” 

“Like we need it to finish this job,” Logan grumbled before he turned to Noh and Quill. “Make your treaties or whatever before I go ahead and actually make Summers an orphan - unless that’s why you wanted us here.” 

Quill looked over the group and let out a kind of disbelieving chuckle before he just strode forward. “Right. Everybody be cool — I can’t believe I’m the responsible one here,” he said, shaking his head. 

“You damn well better make a habit out of it if you wanna keep seein’ my kitten,” Logan growled out. At the threat, Kitty and Kurt both straightened up, though Kurt got a smile that he just couldn’t hide after a few moments, and Kitty blushed deeply. 

Quill looked over at Logan and unmistakably started to straighten up a bit with a little frown before he turned back to Corsair. “Just hand over the weapon, and I’ll give you my word as a Guardian of the Galaxy we won’t turn around and use it on you. We’re not planning to use it at  _ all _ .” 

“That sounds like a waste to me,” Corsair replied before he looked around the group for a long moment and finally let out a sigh. “But a waste is better than giving it to an enemy that will use it. Make your oaths, Guardian, and I’ll give it back to you — but not the Kree. He’ll lose it again in a second.”  

Logan narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms as he glared at Quill, waiting for his answer. 

“If those are your terms, we accept,” Quill said, shooting a glance Noh’s way when he opened his mouth to argue, and the Kree fell silent, glaring hard.

Corsair nodded Quill’s way, and within minutes, Quill had the new weapon in hand and had sworn to Corsair on his honor as a Guardian of the Galaxy no less than three times that he wasn’t going to use it before they got back to Noh’s ship. 

“When we get back, Marvel Boy — I want your eyes on this for how best to make sure it doesn’t blow up on us when we destroy it,” Quill said as soon as they were inside — before Noh could make any kind of argument. 

Noh crossed his arms, looking more annoyed by Corsair’s comments than annoyed at Quill. “I won’t share my findings,” he said shortly. “It’s been my experience anything with this particular power doesn’t need to fall into  _ any _ hands — no matter whose side they’re on.”

“Won’t matter much if we’re just going to throw it into a star anyway,” Quill pointed out. “I just want you to tell me that won’t backfire on us.”

“It shouldn’t, but I’ll want to check,” Noh agreed at last as Kate slid in to pilot once more — pausing only to toss him back the bow with hardly a glance. He glanced her way and sighed, pocketing the bow grip before he held out his hand to Quill for the Phoenix-weapon. “No time like the present.” 

“I’ll join you,” Kurt offered as Noh took the weapon carefully in both hands. “If there is an off chance it offers you any danger, we’ll figure out what to charge for your second bamf.” 

Noh smirked Kurt’s way and nodded. “Don’t expect to be part of the scans. The controls won’t work for you, and as I said, I won’t share my findings.” 

“I’ll try not to be insulted,” Kurt countered with a laugh. 

Noh just shrugged his agreement, and the two headed down the hall that opened up as Noh approached it, the wall closing behind them as soon as they were through. 

“You nervous?” Logan asked as he leaned over Kate’s shoulder. 

Kate let out a slight scoffing noise and didn’t look up, focused on the ship’s controls. “I’ve flown this thing a million times,” she replied, though she was frowning hard. 

“Not what I asked, darlin’.” 

She turned to face him for a second with raised eyebrows. “Should I be?” she countered. 

“I only know one of ‘em,” Logan replied. “So you tell me.” 

She let out a long sigh and shrugged up to her ears. “Depends on what they talk about,” she admitted.  

“I can go spy on them,” Kitty offered. “In the walls.” 

“That... is really tempting,” Kate said. “But I also really, really don’t want to know.” She let out a breath and then smirked a bit. “They’re both very charming. I don’t want to find out they ditched me for each other.” 

“No chance of that with Kurt,” Kitty reassured her. 

“Well at least that’s something,” Kate said with a smile before she leaned back and looked Kitty’s way. “Maybe they’ll come out friendly enough to let Noh DJ when you and Peter here finally settle down.” 

Kitty just stared at her open-mouthed before she looked to Logan, who looked irritated. Again. “What makes you think … I’m not … what?” 

“I mean, if you thought Kurt and I were  _ that  _ serious after a  _ week _ , I can only  _ imagine  _ what a few months looks like to you,” Kate said, waving her hand airily with a wicked grin. 

“It’s not — Peter and I — we’re … it’s not like that. He isn’t serious about anythi — I mean.. Not like Kurt.” 

“Ooh, shotgun wedding then,” Kate said, grinning mercilessly before she raised her eyebrows Logan’s way.

“Turn that loser into a freakin’ doorstop.” 

“So that’s a no on giving her away, then?” Kate teased, clearly enjoying herself. 

“Awful wrapped up in other people’s weddings aren’tcha?” Logan asked. “Or are you just hopin’ it’d be a double so you don’t have to go alone?”  

Kate raised both eyebrows high and then just laughed and shook her head. “Alright. Fair enough. Glass houses.” 

Meanwhile, Noh and Kurt found themselves in a small lab of Noh’s as the former Marvel Boy poured over a few screens, punctuated every so often by a light hum or a shake of his head and a frown. 

“Is there a problem?” Kurt asked as he took in the expression on the younger man’s face. 

Noh looked up and then sighed. “Not for us, no,” he said as he waved aside the diagrams in front of him. “It’s perfectly safe to detonate. It’s just… the design is unfinished, unstable, inefficient. Not at all up to Kree standard. At least not in most of the dimensions I’m used to.” 

“Some realities are just lazy,” Kurt said with a nod. “What do you suggest?” 

“An uninhabited star system would be ideal, in case the slim margin of error comes back to haunt us and the detonation does threaten more than just a light show,” Noh said as he looked over another set of data. “It shouldn’t kill us, but… If we send it into a star with no life around, that would be wiser.”

“Unmanned craft?”

“That would work,” Noh agreed. He looked up from his data and waved his hand so that the little screens all disappeared from the air. “My people said they would use this power to defend Earth, and I foolishly believed them. And here is the result of my folly.” He looked up at Kurt with a heavy shrug. “Conquering Earth or defending it — it’s the same thing, really. The dangers are just as present, and the price of ignorance just as heavy.” 

“We’ve had to deal with the Phoenix force a few times,” Kurt said. “That anyone could think to try and mimic that destruction is proof that not just those from Earth would be victims of their own egos.” 

Noh snorted out a breath and nodded in agreement. “In dimensions where my people do not rule, that is always the case - ego destroyed them. And in the others…” He smirked. “Ego still destroyed them. Though we took a significant portion of the galaxy with us, I fear — at least in many cases.” He leaned back and tilted his head, drawing a long breath, before he turned back to Kurt. “But not in this reality. And I’m glad for that.”

“You and I both,” Kurt agreed. 

Noh grinned at him and then gestured to the door as it opened behind him. “Shall we return to the others, then? I can surely find the nearest star without taking you away from your friends.”

“Yes, we should reunite with them.” 

Noh nodded, but as he reached the door with Kurt, he paused and turned toward the older man. “There is one more matter I’d like to bring to your attention,” he said quietly. “I hope you realize how lucky you are. I didn’t until it was too late, and I lost the girl that meant the universe to me.” 

“I am not so naive to be blind in that way anymore. Whatever happens between us - however long it lasts or how serious it is — it will be her choosing.” 

Noh smirked. “Well, at least you have that part right,” he said, almost to himself, before he looked back at Kurt. “You should know — if she chooses to leave, I won’t wait to spare your feelings.”

“Were I in your shoes, I would only wait to be sure her heart was ready for that kind of a shock.” 

“Just don’t hurt her,” Noh said with a light shrug before he made to leave. 

“I would never do anything to hurt her,” Kurt promised. “Know that.” 

Noh nodded. “Well then. Let’s go destroy a dangerous weapon.” 

~*~

It had only taken a matter of hours off their course back to Star Lord’s ship to find an uninhabited star system — and despite all the precautions, the weapon exploded without much fanfare once it hit the sun, and the group made their way back with Noh at the helm for the remainder of the trip. 

Once they arrived at Quill’s ship, Noh waited only long enough for everyone to get off before he announced his intention to leave. “There might be other things that I missed. I want to look into this,” he explained to Quill. “If I find anything beyond my capacity to deal with, I’ll let you know.” He gave Kurt a quick look before he turned to Kate and said, simply and sincerely, “Be safe.”

“You too,” she said, looking over his shoulder at the ship. “Don’t travel alone too long. You should look up some of our old friends or something.” 

“I may just,” he agreed. “Farewell, Kate Bishop of Earth. May we meet again soon.” With that, he stepped back into the ship, which closed up behind him, and the whirr of the Kirby engines had them all stepping slightly back as he took off again. 

Kate shook her head and turned back to the others, then looked past them at the plane in the docking bay. “So — can you put us back without crashing the plane?” she asked slowly, her head tipped Quill’s way as she was clearly ready for the next adventure. 

“Should be able to,” Quill replied. “Just... make sure the engines are fired up and we’ll, you know, have radio contact before we let it go.” 

“And if it doesn’t work, Kurt can bamf you to the ground safely,” Kitty assured her. 

“My hero,” Kate mouthed silently Kurt’s way with a huge grin.

Kitty watched the two of them grin at each other for only a moment before she crossed the span between them quickly to wrap Kurt up in a tight hug. “Thank you,” she said as he squeezed her back. “I’m glad you had time to stop pirates with us.” 

“Anytime,  _ katzchen _ ,” Kurt replied. “You know the magic words — pirates, swashbuckling, and please.” She smiled as he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before she let him go and smiled at Kate. 

“Nice to meet you. Take care of my Elf,” she said, pointing her index finger at Kate. “Don’t break him.” 

“I promise not to. I even try to keep him fed and watered,” Kate said with a grin and her hand over her heart. She leaned forward the slightest bit, hands in her pockets and grin widening. “And he’s  _ my  _ Elf now.” 

Kitty giggled in response and pushed her hair out of her face before she called out for Logan to stop. Once the goodbyes had started, he’d already begun to work his way out of the group. He turned to face her just in time for her to rush him and wrap her arms around his neck, setting him back a few steps with a tight hug. 

“Do  _ not die on me. _ ” 

“I’ll try,” Logan said, hugging her back tightly and just letting her get it out of her system before he gave her a little kiss on the temple. “See you soon, kiddo.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our trio meets up with Tall and Creepy and his Marauders, and it's absolutely terrifying. And Kate gets to see just what kind of Sheer Terror the X-Men face on a daily basis. Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains vague but probably still a little bit disturbing descriptions of nonconsensual medical experimentation, blood, and torture. This is a chapter that has Mr. Sinister in it, so be warned. There's also the usual mild swearing, innuendo, and violence, including some injured bamfs. Sadness!

When the trio landed safely in LA, it was about midafternoon, even though to them it felt more like the end of the day. That was the thing about space travel — it was the worst kind of jet lag possible. 

“Last time I was here, I made reservations at my  _ favorite  _ hotel, but I got totally robbed and kicked out on the streets,” Kate was telling Kurt as she walked with him arm in arm toward the waiting taxi. She stifled a bit of a yawn and then just grinned and shrugged at him. “So, you know, lesson learned — don’t make reservations with your real name.”

Kurt looked at her for a moment before he broke into a laugh that had her turning to him in surprise. “You really are young,” he told her, still chuckling.

“Yeah… maybe. But honestly?” She looked over both her shoulders and leaned in. “Spoiled rich girl. I’m used to my name getting me  _ in  _ places, not kicked  _ out _ .”

“But you are an Avenger,” Kurt pointed out. “You have far more enemies now.”

She made a face at him. “I’ve noticed that, thanks.”

He just chuckled and shook his head at her as they made their way to what Kate assured them both was her  _ second  _ favorite place to stay in the city — “less chance of celebrities, but also less chance of scumbag supervillains, so meh.”

They checked in under the name ‘Kaplan’ and headed up to the little suite — Kate had booked them a place with separate bedrooms sharing an adjoining living room and small kitchen, and room service was already on the way with  _ plenty  _ of food for the three space battle-weary companions.

Kate immediately got a pot of coffee brewing once they got settled into the room, while Logan just headed right for the shower. Kurt perched next to Kate on the counter, his head tilted to one side as he watched her down the mug. 

“For someone who is so committed to making us drink water, you seem to be in short supply of anything but coffee yourself,” he said with a sly smile.

“Gotta keep up with you guys somehow,” she shot back over the top of her mug before she started to refill it. “Not all of us run on whiskey and swashbuckling highs.” 

“I suppose we all can’t use the same addictions,” he agreed. “Our own good Dr. McCoy has a weakness for sweets.” 

“Everybody copes with it differently I guess,” she said, shrugging. “I used to run with a demigod who used bacon cheeseburgers.” She grinned at him with her tongue between her teeth. “Though I think I have a weakness for sweet things too.” 

“That doesn’t surprise me for some reason,” Kurt replied with a wide smile as he watched her finish off her second mug. “I doubt you’d say no to ice cream again, yes?” 

“I couldn’t possibly say no to that,” she agreed, grinning. “There’s a good place nearby that has double chocolate chunk to  _ die  _ for.”

“Sounds heavenly,” Kurt agreed. “I’d like to see how close to heaven it really is.” 

She grinned and grabbed his hand to pull him closer to her for a kiss. “I’m sure I can get you there even if the ice cream can’t,” she teased. “We’ll just have to see.” 

“All you can do is try,” he teased before he offered her his arm. “Shall we?” 

She slipped her arm through his with a wide grin. “Double chocolate chunk, here we come.” With that, the two of them disappeared in a poof of blueish smoke. 

Kate hadn’t lied about the ice cream — the chocolate chunk was  _ really good _ . The two of them found a booth at the ice cream parlor to curl up with the sundaes while Kate told stories about the last time she’d been in LA for more than just a layover — her attempt at being a private detective and her first, orchid-flavored case, that sort of thing. 

Kurt for the most part simply soaked in her stories, his chin resting on the palm of his hand as he just couldn’t help but smile at her animated storytelling. A handful of the bamfs had tagged along and were sitting cross-legged on the table, some of them working on their shared sundae and others just drinking in the stories, and long after they’d finished their ice cream, they headed down to the beach to watch the sunset. 

Kate was clearly enjoying the time out with him, leaned back on his chest as they watched the brilliant colors — though even that particular sight was not enough to distract from the fact that she had definitely noticed some big guys around the area. Like - big guys. Abnormally so. It hadn’t bothered her at first when they were at the ice cream shop because… LA. People there could be  _ weird _ .

But they were there on the beach, too, and after the pinks and the purples had started to fade, Kate had to frown when the big guys were still there. “I think... we might have some followers.”

Kurt turned his head to follow her gaze, and when he saw the men she was pointing out, he couldn’t help but show a bit of anxiety as two of them bamfs let out little, low growls in seeing the big guys. But once they knew they’d been spotted, they seemed to melt into the crowd again - and for a couple of massive guys — they were pretty easily lost. “I think we should get back quickly.” 

“Not arguing, just asking — you know those guys?” she asked, frowning. 

“Marauders. They match up with a particular brand of trouble we really don’t want to draw in,” Kurt replied low. “At all.” 

She looked downright shocked — she’d never heard Kurt worried like this before — but just took his arm. Whoever those big guys were, if they could creep out an X-Man, she was pretty sure she wanted to face them with the full dream team in place. “Okay. ‘Port us outta here.”

He looked both ways before he yanked her into an alley and did exactly that, reappearing on the back side of the hotel. “I don’t want to just appear in the hall and scare the other guests - that can bring down other trouble,” he explained in a low tone, though it was obvious he was a bit agitated by the way his tail was switching behind him.  

She nodded with a little frown and then stood up on her toes to kiss his cheek with a worried expression deepening her features. “Alright. You okay?” she asked quietly. “I’ve never seen you spooked before.” 

“Those guys at the beach - their boss is the worst kind of news. He’s taken down the entire team without the extra muscle,” Kurt told her. “He had an unhealthy obsession with our team leader and his wife. For a long time. But he’s hosted other little projects centered around pretty much all of us."

She frowned and just slipped an arm through his tighter, resting her head on his arm for a second. “That... sounds bad,” she said. She looked around as they entered the hotel. “So — do we need to vamoose?” 

“Yes. It’s likely they were just scouting — the way they ran off anyway — it wasn’t like they were making a move. Just watching.” 

“That’s what it looked like to me too,” she agreed and then sighed. “Alright — well, LA’s a bust. Let’s ask Logan where that cabin is?”

“I know where the cabin is. We just need to get him and travel my way — less of a trail that way.” 

“And more fun,” she said with a little smile as she dug in her pocket for the hotel key. “Gotta say, though, I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to at  _ least  _ use the hot tub.” As she smirked at him, she slid open the door — and stopped in her tracks, eyes wide.

The whole suite was completely trashed, claw marks everywhere, shredded furniture, the works. To top it off, scattered around the room, the little bamfs that had stayed back with Logan were in varying stages of injury, and one of them was clearly crying and holding his arm as he looked up at Kate with his ears drooped down. 

For a moment, Kurt just stood there with a deep frown, staring - clearly looking more and more upset before he shook his head and turned his attention to the injured bamfs. “I don’t even know where to start,” he said quietly. “He... doesn’t have a set place. He’s always moving.” 

Kate bit her lip, trying to think even as she gently shooshed the crying bamf that she’d picked up and started to wrap his arm — she had plenty of practice with Clint on quick-wrapping injuries. “I’ve got a friend in the police department here. Maybe… traffic cameras?”

“I doubt they’ll spend five seconds looking for him.” Kurt shook his head. “The police don’t think too much of us.” 

“Well that’s stupid,” she said, shaking her head. “And Detective Caudle loves me. He’ll help us,” she assured him. 

“I need to check the hotel’s servers first,” Kurt said. “To be sure.” 

“Okay,” she agreed, setting down the newly wrapped bamf with a half-absent kiss on top of the little guy’s head. “Do you want me to talk to them? I’m pretty good at talking my way into things,” she offered. 

“Please,” Kurt said with a bit of urgency. “We need to get him out of there sooner rather than later.” He looked over at the bamfs who were starting to gather at his feet. “I’ll figure out what to do with these little guys.” He knelt down and started to speak to them gently in German, ruffling their hair and trying to soothe them. 

She glanced his way for just a second, the frown obvious, before she just took off down the hall. She came practically skidding to a stop at the desk and, a few credit cards and a very detailed threat about the desk clerk’s wandering eyes later, she had access, with the manager standing nearby and looking like he didn’t quite believe her claim that she was a former Avenger — though that might have been because she was still wearing her beach hat. 

“Here we go,” she muttered to herself as she pulled the security cams and then just… stopped.

Her eyes widened, and even the manager stood up a bit straighter as she watched the footage - the giant guys coming in, and then leaving with Logan — which, she’d seen in person, was kind of a terrifying feat all on its own even without footage of the fight — and then the parking surveillance that caught the truck leaving, too. She even got a partial plate and a direction to work with. 

“Thanks, manager man,” she called over her shoulder as she took off running back toward the room to tell Kurt what she had — and to ask for a lift to the police department. 

He had been sifting through the mess after he sent the injured bamfs to Hank - just looking for anything that might lead him to where Logan had been taken, but he easily abandoned his search to offer her his arm in silence. 

“It’s three blocks down from the ice cream place,” she told him quickly. “That’s how I found it — first time I got arrested, I needed ice cream.” 

He nodded and pulled her tight before quickly teleporting them to nearly in front of the police station.

She kept a hold of his hand as she led the way into the station, putting on a broad smile that she saved for talking herself into and out of just about everything, and just announced herself to Caudle with a wave. “Did you miss me?” she called his way. “I’ve got a case for you, and you’re gonna help me so I can get out of your hair fast, okay?” 

The aging, balding police detective looked up and, when he saw Kate, let out a very long sigh and put his head in his hands for just a moment. “Bishop — _ what  _ are you doing here?”

“You can hug me later, detective,” she said. “Right now, we’ve got a kidnapping we have to solve, and I’m borrowing you for a license plate run and traffic cams.” 

Caudle just looked up at her with a  _ very  _ dry, tired look. “I swear, Bishop, every time you walk in, the insurance rates go up around here.” 

“Hey, I’m planning to be  _ gone _ , Caudle. But somebody snatched my friend, and it’s your job to find him, so are we gonna do this, or do you want me to call SHIELD and raise the insurance rates another five hundred percent?” she asked. “Because I can do that. I’m an Avenger,” she added, pretty sure that  _ he  _ wouldn’t know she was technically a solo hero at the moment, with no team and probably no SHIELD access after she hotwired a jet.

He gave her another dry look and went back to his paperwork. “Sounds like you’re someone else’s problem now,” he said with a drawl, shaking his head. 

She all but slammed both hands down on the table and leaned in to get in his face with a widening smile. “Aww, but I’ll always be your big purple pain, detective.” 

He narrowed his eyes and then turned to his desk computer. “Fine. If it’ll get you gone.” He didn’t look too happy about it, but he ran the partial plate and pulled up the traffic cameras with a heavy sigh as Kate slid happily around to watch over his shoulder. 

Caudle’s eyes narrowed at the truck she was following as she pointed it out to him, and when they saw the truck pull off into an alley and stay there, the view of them unloading still slightly obscured, he just shook his head at her. “You have a knack for the worst kind of trouble in this city,” he told her as he handed her the address.

“Your adorable concern is noted,” she shot back, patting his shoulder almost consolingly.  

“Just don’t come back. I don’t want to see you here again.” He had his head half down as he gestured for her to clear out. 

She nodded and gave Caudle a little salute with two fingers before she grabbed Kurt’s hand and showed him the address. He nodded — and they were gone.

“He won’t stay here long,” Kurt said when they arrived at the building on Caudle’s surveillance. “If he’s there at all.” 

Kate nodded. “Then we’d better make this fast,” she whispered as she reached for her collapsible bow and snapped it out. “What kind of entrance are we making?”

“The kind where we don’t get captured too,” Kurt said with a serious expression. 

“Right.” She nodded and nocked an arrow. “So smoke screen first. The longer lasting kind than yours.” 

He nodded then rested his hand on her arm. “If Essex is up to his usual tricks, you can’t stop if you see what he’s up to.” 

She looked up at him for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath. “Okay. Can’t be worse than the rabbits,” she said, with a small smile, just trying to get him to stop looking that  _ worried _ , before she just nodded again and let fly the arrow, breaking through the window as the little cloud of purplish smoke filled the room to mask their entrance. 

Just before they followed it in, Kurt pulled her to him tightly and gave her a very passionate kiss. “For luck.” With that, he kicked open the door and rushed in with a scowl on his face, swords singing through the air before he’d even picked out his target.  

The Marauders were absolutely massive — and as the first few arrows deflected off their bodies, it was clear to Kate that they were at least partially tougher than they looked, and she switched targets from chests and heads to more squishy things — like eyes or hands and feet. Less protected, though it wouldn’t  _ stop  _ them entirely.  

The few bamfs that hadn’t been sent to Hank were close behind too, popping in and out with their own little blades, and they were actually very effective when they all ganged up on the same Marauder to wear him down.

“Kate, shoot the tall, pale one,” Kurt called out. “He’s near the windows.” 

She glanced around until she saw the ashen creep that Kurt  _ had  _ to mean. He just screamed dangerous bad guy looking at him, and she pulled out two arrows fast, one for each eye, to shoot his way as he turned. There was literally nothing wrong with her shot, perfectly centered, she could  _ feel  _ the shot before she even made it — but the guy was  _ fast _ . Scary fast. Both arrows hit the wall instead of him, and she reached for another couple to try the same, but with the same results. Frustrated, she reached for another arrow — and paused when she looked just beyond Mr. Creeptastic to see what he’d been doing. 

“Oh,” she whispered out — the only thing she could manage as her next shot went horribly wild and she couldn’t quite tear her gaze from where Tall and Pale had been… had been  _ working  _ on Logan. Until very suddenly she just couldn’t look at the scene anymore and she took several steps back to get a steadying breath or five. 

The thing that brought her back was the loud shout from Kurt when one of the Marauders got a solid hit on him that had her wincing and then drawing back her bow before she even really thought about it as instinct kicked back in. She half slid closer as she fired an arrow straight down through the offending Marauder’s foot, which didn’t exactly stop him from hitting anyone but did pin him to one place for a moment, long enough to get out of range, before he reached down and pulled the arrow out with a growl and made a rush for her with the arrow in hand. She only just ducked as he slammed it at her, and it was now very much a permanent wall fixture. 

He grabbed hold of her arm and literally  _ threw  _ her into the opposite wall, but when he came in for a followup, Kate didn’t bother to try and grab another arrow, instead just taking her bow and swinging — from the ground up. “Oh you’re gonna be a soprano,” she said through gritted teeth as she slammed the bow between his knees and he doubled over. She got up to one knee and then she took the edge of the bow and jammed it hard into the base of his skull. Only after the guy fell over did she try to stand up all the way and mutter “ow” under her breath. That wall was gonna leave a  _ mark _ . 

Kurt meanwhile had tried to go for the gold and simply teleported to The Tall Creepy ‘Doctor’, trying to make his attack before the villain could use one of his dirty tricks. He only had one good shot before the creep backhanded him hard enough to send him sailing before he simply went back to his work. When Kurt got up and tried to repeat the performance however, he couldn’t use his abilities. What’s more, the bamfs seemed to pop out as well — they couldn’t get back to help.

With a roar, he began another assault — entirely on foot, dodging and weaving as he struck out as hard as he could against the Marauders around him.  

Kate was putting every single one of her arrows to work, including — and she could hardly believe it  — one of Clint’s stupid putty arrows, which she had to admit actually was very satisfying when she putty-arrowed Creepy’s hands together so he couldn’t keep…  _ doing  _ things. It didn’t last long though, because the guy was freaky strong and broke out of it, but it was still very satisfying. As was the explosion when she put one of the Marauders through a wall with her exploding arrow. 

“More explosives if you have them, please,” Kurt called out as he finally got the perfect angle to send a sword through one of the Marauder’s foreheads. 

“I only have a few Clint left in my quiver,” she admitted before she fitted another one to shoot at the nearest Marauder. The shot went wild as the guy nearest her flat threw himself sideways to grab her arm, and instead of blowing through a Marauder, the arrow just blew through one of the windows instead. When she couldn’t shake the guy off, she made a grab for her quiver and just stuck the first arrow she found deep in the guy’s arm, but he didn’t let go of her wrist, pulling hard enough that she was sure it would  _ break. _

She stopped moving, stopped trying to fight when the guy just yanked her arm harder behind her - terrified that he was going to break something she  _ needed to shoot _ . 

Across the room, as Kurt drew his blade back, he caught a blow just below his ribcage that doubled him over and knocked every bit of breath from him with an audible ‘ _ oof’ _ . 

Before he knew what had hit him, they’d disarmed him and restrained him tightly and as Kurt stopped gasping for breath, he could finally hear the sounds as the pale creepshow finished up his task. He carefully packaged up the specimens that he’d collected, then took his time cleaning his hands before he turned to the two prisoners that weren’t strapped down to a table and half bloodied. 

He walked up to Kurt, who Kate saw was nearly trembling with rage as he glared at the tall, pale villain. “No — nothing is different about you, is it?” he asked as he looked Kurt over. “No new abilities. No... secondary mutations. Nothing useful. Pity.” 

“What’s changed about Logan that you felt you needed to torture him all over again?” Kurt barked out. 

“Honestly,” he replied, “I’m not sure anything is that different at all — but seeing as I was unable to procure all the samples I wanted after his death, now seems as good a time as any.” He turned from Kurt and looked Kate over carefully, his glowing eyes narrowed as he thought it over. “I will never understand why you — some of the most interesting mutants in the world — waste your time with humans.” 

“Get a dictionary and look up interesting,” Kate sneered at him. “You’ll find my gorgeous head shot right there.” 

He smirked a bit and nodded once. “Yes. I suppose that’s as good an excuse as any. Pretty entertainment.” With that, he stalked toward the door — briefcase in hand — before he called out behind him, “I trust you’ll clean up, then?” There was actual amusement in his voice as he left, the Marauders in his wake — until the ones holding them finally forcefully let them go with a hard shove — though one was sure to snap Kate’s bow in two before they left. 

“Creeps,” Kate practically spit after them, glaring angrily and massaging her wrist as all at once, the bamfs returned in little puffs of smoke, looking ready to fight until they saw that there were no bad guys. “Should’ve brought a quiver full of exploding arrows and shoved them up your futzing nose.”  

“Are you alright, Kate?” Kurt asked gently as he looked her over. “The Marauders are rough. They always have been. It always seems like he finds bigger ones every time we cross his path.” 

She took a deep breath. “He didn’t  _ break  _ anything, I’m pretty sure,” she said and glanced over at where Logan was before she quickly redirected her gaze. 

“You don’t have to go over there,” Kurt assured her as he started off for his friend. 

She looked a bit more subdued as she nodded. “I… saw enough. Oh  _ man _ .” She pulled on the edge of her hair and looked back up for just a second before she blinked and then let out a soft gasp. “Oh  _ man _ ,” she repeated, seeing now that Logan was  _ awake _ . Wide-eyed. Panicked and trembling. 

She leaned against the wall and just closed her eyes. “Oh  _ man _ .”

Kurt was already at his side trying to talk him down, his words gentle as he searched for a means to release the metal straps holding Logan to the table. Kurt looked up at Kate when he found the lever. “If he comes your way, the bamfs are back. They will move you. Don’t run.” 

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. I just… okay.” 

Kurt kept muttering to Logan as his gaze flitted between Kurt and Kate until she looked prepared, and with a nod, Kurt released the lever. The metal straps sprang open, and in a flash, Logan was first on his feet, and then in a heap on the floor, one arm over his stomach and the other just barely holding himself up off the ground. 

“Pick a place to go, Kate,” Kurt said as he knelt down next to his friend. “Anywhere that is not here.” 

“Bed Stuy,” she said before she’d thought it through. “The roof of Clint’s building.”

Kurt barely glanced her way before he nodded and looked at the bamf nearest her — and she disappeared first this time so that Kurt could try to help Logan pull it together a bit. 

When she reappeared on the roof, she was not too surprised to see that Clint was up there too — it looked like he was picking up after another grillout with the tenants, rolling up napkins to shoot them basketball style into the trash bags he had open. But he spun at the sound of the  _ bamf _ when she appeared, and what had been a huge grin gave way very quickly to an expression of concern as he crossed the roof with quick, long strides. “You alright there, Hawkeye?” he asked her once he got close enough to touch her — though he didn’t.

She looked up at Clint and just shook her head. “That was… holy crap.” 

He looked her over once, frowning deep, and then looked around to see if the other two were close. “Your new boyfriend turn out to be a loser? Do I need to — ”

“No, no.” She shook her head fast and then just ran over and hugged him. “Oh  _ man _ . Clint — just… I’m gonna have nightmares for  _ weeks _ .”

Clint didn’t ask any questions, just hugged her right back, tight around the waist. “Aww, Kate, I’m sorry,” he told her. “Whatever it was, it’s good now. I gotcha. Little demon brought you home.” He shot a look over her shoulder at the bamf. “Thanks, little guy.” 

When Kurt and Logan showed up a little while later, Kurt was doing all he could to keep Logan upright. It was clear he wasn’t panicking anymore, but he wasn’t really doing much else either. “Kate — I need to find a place for him to sleep. It won’t be a quick thing. There is a lot of healing that needs to happen.” 

“You can take my place if you need it. Clean sheets and everything since last time you were here,” Clint offered. 

Kurt looked to Kate for a moment. “I’ll leave it up to you — if you’d rather go elsewhere, I’m sure I can find a place — but he needs someone to keep an eye on things while he heals.” 

“Oh, um. Two days?” She looked between Clint and Kurt and Logan for a moment. “I don’t suppose you have any vacant apartments?” she asked Clint, who just shrugged and shook his head. “You don’t mind us taking over?” Again, Clint just shrugged and shook his head, and she turned to Kurt. “Let’s... let’s stay here. At least until Logan is on his feet again. I doubt any more creeps will look  _ here _ .”

“I’m pretty sure Sinister got what he wanted from Logan already,” Kurt said. “And when Logan wakes up, he’ll be ready to binge and head north.” 

“Then we’ll make sure the fridge is stocked. I think there might be a futon somewhere we can steal too,” she said, her gaze on Logan now. “Let’s get him taken care of,” she said in a quieter voice.

“Roof is fine,” Logan muttered thickly. “Just drop me right here.” 

“Where all my neighbors can come poke at you?” Clint shook his head. “There are  _ families  _ that live here, man. You might wake up with bows in your hair.” 

“Won’t be the first time,” he tried to tease, though the put-on smile didn’t fool anyone. 

“Just... “ Clint shook his head and looked at Kurt. “Take him to my place — I’ll crash somewhere else, give you guys some privacy. If you need anything, neighbors down the hall just sent their kid off to college, so they might have an extra mattress or… clothes or something, I dunno.”

“Let’s figure it out later. Honestly, he doesn’t care where he is,” Kurt promised. 

“Then he gets the couch,” Kate declared. “It’s already had one Wolverine bleed all over it; won’t make a difference if another one does.”

Kurt nodded and teleported into the apartment, where he maneuvered his old friend to the couch - depositing him there with very little ceremony. And once Logan seemed to find himself prone — he was out. 

Kurt turned at the sound of the door shutting to find Kate leaning against the counter playing with Lucky’s ears and watching the two X-Men almost absently. “You have been through a terrible ordeal, my dear,” Kurt said softly. 

She looked up from Lucky to meet his gaze and let out a breath. “Not as terrible as he went through,” she said, tipped her head Logan’s way. 

“That’s not the first time for him,  _ liebchen _ .” 

“This is…  _ normal  _ for you?” She looked somewhere between uncertain and downright floored before she quickly looked back down to play with Lucky for a long moment. 

“For me? No.” He gave her a sad sort of smile. 

“Is it totally selfish of me that — that makes me feel better?” she asked, looking back up. “Because it really does.” 

“No, it doesn’t make you selfish,” he assured her. “What can I do to make things easier for you tonight?” 

“I don’t even  _ know _ .” She patted Lucky’s head and stood up, letting out all her breath. “What do you usually do? With stuff like this? I have zero ideas. Not nearly enough experience — which, clearly not complaining there, because  _ seriously _ .”

“Honestly, it’s hard to say,” Kurt admitted. “Usually when things like this happen, we don’t find out about it until much later. It’s unusual to be able to give him some kind of support.” 

“Oh... well. That’s good. That we’re here, then.” She thought it over for a few minutes before she simply rushed over to him and put her arms around his middle, her face in his chest. “I  _ hated  _ that, Kurt,” she whispered in a rush. 

“So did I,” he told her as he pulled her tight for a long moment. He took a deep breath and kissed the top of her head before he suggested,  “Let’s try to relax a bit. There is a liquor store nearby, I hope. I’m not sure I’m up to water.” 

She smiled into his chest for a moment. “Yeah. It’s right around the corner. But if you think the stuff Clint gets is crap, that’s his supplier, so... “ She shrugged. 

“Then it’s a lucky thing that I can go a little further if need be,” Kurt offered with a smirk. “But I’ll wait for now. I don’t want you to be alone right now.” 

She tightened her grip around his middle. “Thanks,” she whispered. “Really.” For a long moment, she just stayed there before, quietly, she said, “When you do go, there’s a really excellent wine cellar that might still have survived Logan’s arson underneath my old house.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, if you feel the need for wine,” Kurt agreed. 

Kate hugged him tighter for a long few minutes, and when she pulled back, her eyes were gleaming still. “Sorry,” she muttered quietly as she rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “You probably see stuff like this way more… I mean, I’m totally not… I swear I don’t fall apart.  Usually. Or... ever.”

“There are a few times that fighting alongside my old friend has been … a bit more than I was able to handle myself. Everyone isn’t cut out to try and keep up with him.” Kurt gave her a weak smile. “Hopefully, the worst of it is over, though.” 

She matched his smile and nodded. “Yeah, hopefully.” She stared up at him and seemed to think it over. “I want to be, though. Cut out for it,” she admitted. “What’s the point otherwise? If I can’t keep up — I’m just a spoiled rich girl with a bow.” 

“Baby steps,” Kurt said easily. “This has been a bit of a crash course for you.” 

She smirked the slightest bit. “Story of my life.” 

“Well, this was a rougher crash course. I’m reasonably sure that most of the Avengers haven’t taken this one on either. But... why don’t we order in? Try to relax and put it behind us.” 

“Yes, please,” she agreed. She released him fully and took a few steps for the coffee maker. “There’s a phone on the  _ wall  _ because my mentor is, like, 90. But you can order whatever you’re in the mood for. I just want  _ caffeine _ right now.” 

“Fair enough,” he agreed. 

With hot coffee in hand, and take out on the way, the two of them got as comfortable as they could and settled in to catch up on what Kate insisted was the best show on television. “Clint has the whole new season DVR’d so, you know, we can just relax.” 

~*~

When Logan finally did wake up, Kurt was out getting more coffee — and investigating Kate’s claim that there was good wine to be found under her house — and Kate was in the living room, playing with the bamfs in the huge collection of pillows and blankets that apparently Kate and Kurt had set up to binge-watch shows and snuggle up while they waited for Logan to heal. The bamfs were definitely winning the pillow fight that was happening, but that didn’t seem to be stopping Kate from trying to take all of them on at once — to their obvious delight. 

She was doubled over laughing when about a half dozen of them all but sat on her to pelt her with little fluffy pillows, and Logan slipped easily past them toward the bathroom to shower and clean up - though by the time he came out again, Kate had noticed what he was up to and was waiting right outside, arms crossed and hip cocked to one side — with a couple bamfs beside her echoing her body language exactly. “What — people don’t say hello where you’re from?” 

“You looked busy,” he replied. “And I wasn’t sneaking out.” 

“Give your track record?” She looked him over. “You can’t blame me for being suspicious.”

“Got any coffee?” he asked, ignoring the thinly-veiled jab. 

She had to smirk at that. “Actually, Kurt just left to get some more. We drank Clint’s stash. Unless you’re willing to take the dregs,” she teased. 

He wrinkled his nose and stepped around her toward the kitchen. “Has to be something worth my time in here.” 

“Leftovers in the fridge — and I can order pizza if you want something more substantial,” she said. “Or, like, five pizzas. Kurt said you eat a lot when you wake up,” she added with a smirk.

“Yeah, well. Everyone has drawbacks to their abilities. I gotta feed mine,” he answered. “Order whatever you feel like — I’ll hit what I find until then.” 

“Pizza coming up,” she agreed, punching in the number on her cell phone. “You got a preference, or should I just get the works?”

“Whatever you want. I really don’t care.” 

She nodded and ordered a few different kinds of pizza before she pocketed the phone and just sort of watched him out of the corner of her eye as he pulled out half the fridge — before the bamfs started pulling on her arms to get her attention, clearly done being ignored, though three of them seemed to be helping him raid the fridge. 

Logan and his little helpers had more or less pulled out most of the fridge’s contents when Kurt reappeared, with a grocery bag of coffee and creamer and a couple bottles of wine in the crook of his arm. 

“You finally awoke,” Kurt said with a smile and a sigh of relief. “How bad was it?” He set down the groceries and went right into making the coffee. 

“Had to regrow a few things that make life easier,” he said with a shrug. “Nothing I haven’t had to do before, and I got a new liver that needs abusing.” 

“There’s, like, five pizzas on the way too,” Kate called out from the living room, where Lucky had joined her playful fight with the bamfs and kept trying to pounce on them just seconds before they would poof away from him. Almost on cue, there was a knock at the door, and Lucky abandoned the game to run to the door, tail wagging as Kate met the pizza man there — who, both men noticed, seemed to know her and Lucky by name as she asked him how college life was treating him before she tipped him and he headed out. 

She set the boxes down on the table and opened the first one to grab a slice and immediately hand it to Lucky, who sat down by her feet looking  _ very  _ happy as she ruffled his ears. “Who’s a good pizza dog?” she teased Lucky before she got a slice for herself. 

Once they’d settled in and everyone had more or less had their fill, Logan finally said something that wasn’t related to the moment at hand. “You okay?” he directed Kate’s way. 

“Of course I am,” Kate said automatically before she looked up to see that he was still looking at her and amended, “There was lots of coffee — and, um, Kurt.” 

“Even so — Sinister is not an easy one to deal with, though — you had a few nice shots.” 

She smiled at the compliment and then shrugged up to her ears. “Not a nice introduction,” she admitted. “But now I know — bring, like, a quiver full of putty and explosives. It’s a learning experience.” 

“Better yet, just avoid the creep,” Logan told her. “Eventually, he’ll get mad if you keep showing up.”  

She blinked at him in surprise for a moment. “That’s... pretty much the job description. Pissing off supervillains,” she pointed out. 

“Normally yeah — but keep away from that one. He’s not a mutant. But he’s more trouble than anyone else with the abilities he’s got. Even if you could land a solid hit, he’d bounce back from it too fast.” 

She studied him for a few long seconds. “Is this a ‘keep the little girl safe’ thing or an actual ‘this guy is way too big and bad’ thing? I’m just trying to place it so I can know if I should be offended.” 

“The second one.” 

“Okay.” She met his gaze. “I’m not gonna stop running with you guys, but the warning is duly noted. No seeking out the Creeptastic Guy.”

“Good,” Logan replied, letting out a sigh.

“So, if we’re not going after Creepy Man, what’s next on the agenda?” Kate asked, breaking the silence that settled over the table for a moment. 

“I’m thinking I need a few days at the cabin,” Logan admitted. “Then we can work over the guys in Canada that decided they wanted a pretty sizeable DNA sample.” 

“So, we’ll leave in the morning?” Kate offered, glancing Kurt’s way. “I was… kinda looking forward to some wine and candlelight tonight, but we can go now if you want to.” 

“You can drop me off there and you two can keep your plans,” Logan offered. 

“Well, how cozy is the cabin? And are there places nearby?” 

“It’s — there are a couple bedrooms anyhow. But it’s not near anything,” Logan said. “Two day hike to the nearest logging road — and that’s not accessible to anyone that’s not allowed on tribal land. But it’s by a lake.”  

“Mmm.” Kate let out a little sigh and grinned. “Nighttime by the lake… wine and a gorgeous elf… it’s not even a hard decision.” 

“Then we’ll leave when you’re ready,” Kurt said Kate’s way. 

“Just give me a few minutes to clean up the mess we made of Clint’s living room,” she said, holding up both hands. “He might be a mess, but I am  _ so  _ not.” A few frenzied minutes later, Kate had extra quivers packed, and all the blankets and pillows were back in the bedroom, at least, though her folding job left something to be desired. 

“I brought more explosives this time,” she whispered to Kurt. “Just… in case of more crazy.” 

“Good,” Kurt said. “We’re going to Canada — we never get out of there clean.” 

She raised both eyebrows. “You two found a way to make  _ Canada  _ your dangerous place?”

“I didn’t — he did,” Kurt laughed. “Every single time. Canada is the most dangerous place.” 

“Well, don’t worry,” she teased. “I’ll save you from the scary maple syrup and hockey players.” 

“He’s Canadian, you know,” Kurt said. “I think it’s an inherent thing.” 

She shouldered her bag with a shrug. “If you say so,” she said before she just stepped in to kiss his cheek. “Still, the offer of protection stands. I like being thanked,” she whispered very quietly. 

“Then I shall thank you properly when we have nothing but the woods around us,” he promised. 

  
She grinned outright. “Then what are we waiting for?” 


	11. Oh, Canada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our intrepid trio finally makes it to Canada. There are postcard-worthy sights, and then there is a whole lot of crazy. Things catch fire. Nobody knows who did that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mild swearing and innuendo, references to nonconsensual medical testing and torture, depictions of violence, demons in the middle of smoke and fire, and a whole lot of cute but scared kids.

Once the three of them were ready to leave Clint’s apartment, Kurt offered Kate his hand before he rested his free hand on Logan’s shoulder, and the three of them disappeared  — only to reappear a few moments later in the deepest woods Kate had ever seen.  

The trees were tall and very wide around, the moss underfoot was soft, and there were ferns nearly as tall as Logan was. He led the way as Kate looked around them, her hand clamped onto Kurt’s arm as the sounds of the forest still sang out around them. When they got to the little log cabin set in by the large, still lake  — complete with a tiny island in the distance, Kate had to make her commentary. 

“They use this place for postcards, don’t they?”

“There are all of about a dozen people that have been here,” Logan told her. “So  — no.” 

She blinked in surprise at that and looked between the two men. She’d been trying to joke, but  _ that  _ kind of revelation needed to be addressed. “Oh. So… I didn’t know it was  _ that  _ private. Should I… you don’t have to share with me.” 

“You’re here. I wouldn’t have suggested it if you weren’t welcome,” Logan told her without looking directly at her as he simply opened the door.

“Okay. Good.” She nodded once as she stepped through into the cabin and let out a breath, unable to stop the tease now that she was sure it was okay to be there. “It really does look like something out of a painting or a postcard.” 

“You two can take the room to the right  — should have a decent enough view.” 

She grinned over at him. “Pretty sure all the views in this place rate higher than decent, but… thanks,” she said. 

Kurt shook his head and leaned closer to her as Logan went back outside. “The girls decorated the spare room  — but he didn’t let them go crazy. Definitely more feminine than the rest of the place, though. We can have a little fire tonight on the beach if you wish.” 

“That sounds perfect,” she agreed and rested her head on his arm. “Hope you don’t mind sleeping in a pink palace - sounds like they had a blast.”  

“That actually was one of his rules  — no pink.” 

“Purple then.” She grinned. “My favorite.” She picked her head up off his arm to grin at him wider. “Especially on you.” 

“You’ll definitely need to work harder than that,” Kurt replied as he scooped her up to give her the tour. 

“I’m just getting started,” she promised, wrapping her arms around his neck as she just grinned at him. 

“Lucky for you there won’t be another living soul around us for a good distance,” Kurt teased. 

She leaned in to nuzzle into his neck and land a little kiss as well. “You mean lucky for you,” she said with a little grin. “Because  _ I  _ am just getting started, and you will be properly purple by the time I’m done with you.” 

“Promises, promises,” he countered. “But feel free to try to your heart’s content.” 

“Never could resist a challenge,” she said, laughing, before she just began to kiss his jaw up to his ears and then started to giggle. 

He closed his eyes with a soft intake of breath. “You have a perfect memory, my dear.”  

~*~

Although the plan had only been to stay for a few days, it was nearly a week when Kurt finally sent the bamfs out in search of his old friend that had been off in the woods, doing whatever it was he needed to do to come back to himself. When he returned, Kate had to laugh outright  — in a week he’d grown a full beard and somehow, he didn’t look incredibly dirty. He seemed to know exactly how he looked, though, since the first thing out of his mouth was that he needed to shave before they left. 

“Is it the Canadian thing or the Wolverine thing that makes you go mountain man so fast?” she teased when he emerged looking more like himself. 

“It’s actually the mutant thing,” he replied with a little smirk. “ _ My _ mutant thing anyhow. Happy coincidence for the rest of it.” 

“Healing, claws, and beard hair. That’s some power set you’ve got there,” she said with a grin. 

“Glad to see you’re back to your happy self,” Logan countered, his eyes twinkling. 

She just tipped her head Kurt’s way. “His fault entirely,” she said, the grin turning into something a little more mischievous. 

“Yes,” Kurt agreed. “And thank you for the use of your cabin. Though  — I admit I was hoping you’d be around a bit more than just the welcome and then our exit.” 

“Consider it a thank you for putting up with me.” 

Kate snorted. “You make it sound like it’s so terrible,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Like you’re not a  _ blast _ following around. Pirates, ninjas…” She grinned again and shrugged as if that was explanation enough. 

“If you say so,” Logan said quietly. “No idea what they’ll have for this next one, though. Soldiers likely. Hope that’s the bulk of it.” 

“What kind of soldiers?” she asked curiously. “I’m pretty good at kicking Hydra butt  — and a few other kinds of trouble.” 

“Find out when we get there,” Logan told her with a shrug. “But they probably won’t be on anyone official’s books. Private company or blacked out department.” 

She nodded her understanding. “Okay. Time to introduce myself, then,” she said with a crooked grin. “Make a lasting impression.” 

“This … is another one of those cases where you don’t have to be nice,” Logan told her. “The guys that work for this group  — they’re nasty. So don’t give them a chance to kill you.” 

“Don’t worry,” she said, the grin turning into a determined frown and nod. “I still plan to have my Storm sleepover when this is all over.” She gestured at the extra quivers she’d brought. “And I have explosives. More of them this time.”

The two men shared a look and they both seemed as though they approved of her line of thinking. “Do you have a problem with underground facilities?” Kurt asked. 

She shook her head. “Only in that I can’t shoot them from further out. But I’m fine shooting up close too.”

“If you lose your bow, what’s your backup?” Logan asked. 

“I can still detonate arrows without shooting them,” she said with a light shrug. “And I’m pretty good with just about anything you can throw at me for staves and swords.” 

“Well then go take a peek in the closet and pick a few things out,” Logan offered. “I’d rather you had something on hand.” 

She broke out into a genuinely excited grin and rushed off to go look at what he had to offer in terms of toys, and when she came back, she was wearing a sword at her hip. “Bit heavier than what I’m used to. I’m a fencer,” she said, the grin wide and bordering on obnoxious. “But I helped kill a version of Kang the Conqueror with something like this.” 

“Good enough,” Logan said with a nod before he looked to Kurt. “I guess we go to the lake then. Unless you wanna tip off Henry and ‘Ro before we get into trouble  — for a change.” He smirked. “You know. So they don’t go looking the wrong way.” 

“I’ll send him a message on where he should land the jet  — but we could call your friend Heather, seeing as she’d be Storm’s first call anyhow.” But Logan shook his head. 

“If we call her, she’ll start poking around and tell us that the facility is empty. No telling if it’s empty before or just after she starts calling.”  He pulled a face. “No. Let’s just go. Hank coming with the ‘bird is good enough. Besides, if this one here doesn’t reach out to her little entourage fast enough one of ‘em will come pokin’ around.”  He then turned to look at Kate with a smirk. “When was the last time you checked in?” 

She pointed a finger at him accusingly. “I don’t  _ check in _ . I feed the wild wolves,” she teased. “And for your information, I sent them a very beautiful picture of me and a baby deer the other day, so they should be _ fine _ .”

He smiled the slightest. “Okay. We’ll see. But if you start getting a hundred text messages while we’re beating back a platoon of freakin’ super soldiers, I’m gonna go ahead and say I told you so.” 

“Gonna have to wait until we’re done beating back the platoon at least. It’s on silent when I’m fighting so it doesn’t buzz when I’m  _ sneaking _ .” 

“At least there’s that,” he said giving Kurt a meaningful look. 

“It was one time,” Kurt pointed out with a sigh. 

Kate cackled gleefully. “Oh my gosh,  _ he  _ just old man-ed  _ you _ .” 

“And did an amazingly good job of it too,” Kurt said with a shake of his head. He sighed and took hold of both of them, to teleport out. “I hope you know that is going to come back to bite you,” he told Logan just before they disappeared from the cabin at the lake to reappear on a mountain overlooking what seemed to be a hangar built into the side of the rock face below them. The wind was cold  — even though it was summer  — and the whole feel of the place was just a bit … oppressive. 

“You know how some places just  _ look  _ like evil lairs?” Kate whispered so low that she was sure only they could hear. “This is one of those places.” 

“You have no idea,” Logan muttered to himself. 

“Lead the way, Logan,” Kurt said. “You know this place far better than I do.” With that, they started to slip down the mountain side, careful and quiet in their approach. When they got a bit closer, they could see that the massive doorway was unguarded except for a few cameras that Kate was easily talked into shooting down. 

“Are you sure that there are even people here?” Kurt asked after Kate pointed out that the cameras she’d shot down looked  _ old. _ But Logan just nodded his head and stayed silent, following an invisible trail that the others couldn’t have found. Kurt seemed a bit on edge until Logan found the hidden door to let them in, though now  _ Kate  _ was a bit nervous at the lack of resistance. Once they were past a cross-hall, and well on their way further into the hidden corridors, Kate started to notice a pattern of triple slashes in the metal walls and random spatterings of old bullet holes. 

They got to a spot where clearly, the trail forked and Logan paused, weighing out his options. “Labs or control panels?” He turned to the other two to get their take. “Labs will be an instant fight and what we came here for  — get some ‘test subjects’ out before they’re hurt. But, we do that and the baddies will cut and run  — and send in reinforcements. Go to the controls, and we’ll stop the guys in charge, but that pretty much guarantees that the kids’ll be killed before we get there.” 

He looked between them for a moment. “Splitting up isn’t an option. Dampeners are likely in the control booth. Protection for the docs after  — well.  _ Someone _ that thought they were important got hurt up there.” 

“Gotta be the kids,” Kate said, looking between the two men with a bit of a wide-eyed look. “Not even a question, right? Save people first.”

“That’s why I asked,” Logan said. “I can’t even count the numbers right - — different shifts. Old scents. But those up in the booth  — one is familiar. The rest are new.” 

“We’ll introduce ourselves next time,” Kate said, patting the second quiver strapped at her leg. 

“If you come with next time, you mean.” 

“I put my number in your phone while you were passed out at Clint’s place,” she shot back. “Speed-dial number 5, right smack in the middle for you, so you know where to find me for next time.”

“Five? Who ranked above you in your head?” 

“The huggers,” she said with a grin. “Kurt. Fury. Cap. Storm - Spiderman and Beast are in there too.” 

“You know you started something now, right? The girls are gonna be mad.” 

“I don’t know all of them. You can change the settings to add them in  — but I stay on the list.” 

He shook his head with a little smirk. “Jubes usually programs them in for me. I won’t pick speed dials.” 

“Well, when this is over she can do whatever the heck she wants  — but I’m still number 5.”

“Jubilee will want to check you out herself  — or she’ll erase you,” Kurt warned, though he couldn’t hide the smirk at her antics. “She decided on her own that Rachel didn’t deserve to be on there because ‘she’s a telepath’.” 

“As long as she doesn’t hate archers, I have no problem there.” Kate grinned wide. “People love me.”

“She’s very protective  — and doesn’t allow any women’s names that she doesn’t know,” Logan laughed. 

“Then I guess I have a date with Jubilee and some pizza after we’re done here,” she said. “Who knows  — she might end up liking me so much we ditch you guys and do our  _ own  _ thing. It’s been known to happen.” She had her hands on her hips and a  _ huge  _ smirk on. “You know. Girls kicking butt, taking names, leaving guys in the dust.”

Logan returned the look and turned to Kurt. “Hank fix the vampirism yet?” 

“Actually,” Kurt said. “Henry had it figured out, but we haven’t been able to apply it yet.” 

“Why the hell not?” Logan asked as he straightened up  — current mission suddenly put on the backburner as he  _ needed  _ to know the answer to that question immediately. 

“Because the anti-viral that Henry created is missing a key ingredient we  _ thought  _ was gone forever.” Logan frowned but caught up quickly. 

“What do they need? Just blood?” Kurt nodded with a little smile. “Then that’s next up when we leave here. How else is she going to stay on number five otherwise?” He went back into his crouch as he turned to start the tracking again. 

They crept forward again, the damage on the walls and the floor more obvious the further they went  — all the way to where the hall widened and a large pair of double doors concluded the hall. 

“There is no sneaky way in,” Logan told them. “So... no reason to try.” 

Kate grinned and reached for her quiver. “Explosives?”

“You blow up any damn thing you want, darlin’.” 

The grin only widened as she pulled out the exploding arrow. “Alright, then. I’ll knock.” With that, she let the arrow fly, already reaching for a second in case the first didn’t knock the doors entirely off their hinges. 

As the doors blew inward, the three of them rushed, and once they were inside, it was pretty clear that the intel that Logan had gotten from Zoe was good  — and it was fresh. All around the large room were different stations set up for various kinds of experiments  — none of which were being used at the moment, thank goodness, but  — still. They had been used recently, if the blood on the floor was any indicator. 

Logan dove right at the scientists in charge, ignoring the gunfire as it opened up around him, and Kate took aim to remove the gunmen. Kurt dove in on the other side of Logan  — swords drawn as he teleported around the lab removing weapons from the hands of the men holding them and attacking those that got too close to Kate. 

The group split for a moment as Kurt moved to trying to take out the supports that held up much of the machinery and test equipment while Logan and Kate laid waste to the soldiers  — and as Kurt worked, it was clear he was giving each of the lab pieces a look of pure disgust.  

The doors opposite the way they’d come in opened up to allow in the droves of super-soldiers that Logan had promised Kate  — and all of them had their own special list of abilities that made it hard for the trio to kill them. 

Kate had been focused on taking out the guys with guns at first and was quickly moving through most of her first quiver as she just kept up a steady stream of arrows as the new super-soldiers burst their way in  — some big-looking guys joined the fight, and a strange group of girls as well. She had just let an explosive arrow fly in the direction of one of the biggest guys she could see when things just  — felt  _ weird.  _

Kate hadn’t ever felt something like this before, but before she could think too much about it, she knew she had to turn her attention back to the fight  — those two guys wrecking things that had to be stopped. She reached back for another arrow, tracking Kurt’s path as he kept teleporting around and waiting for him to  _ stay still  _ long enough for her to get a good shot. He had just paused long enough to pull out the supports and some wiring of lab equipment to give her a good shot, and her shoulders relaxed, breathing evened- just as he turned to face her head on. 

A tri-toned scream ripped through not just the room but straight through the heads of everyone in the complex as Logan ran his claws into one of the blonde girls standing high above the lab floor. She was still alive  — but once he twisted his wrist, and she dropped to the grated floor, the other two turned their attention on him  — and focused their considerable abilities on making him feel nothing but the sensation that their sister had just been subjected to  — only amplified as much as they were capable of. 

At the girls’ scream, Kate had started to blink, and by the time Logan had started screaming as well, she had realized what she was about to do and let out a shout of her own as she spun on her heel to shoot at the remaining blondes, absolutely  _ furious _ as she shot one of them through with three arrows at once to make sure she couldn’t possibly miss, and then the last one got an explosive, because she was just feeling that  _ mad _ , muttering under her breath, “Try and turn me on the sweetest, nicest…  _ ugh _ . Show  _ you  _ a thing or two.  _ Don’t ruin this for me _ .”

In a blink, Kurt had teleported over to Logan and gotten him out of the catwalks and down near Kate so the three of them could regroup. “Are you alright,  _ liebling _ ?” he asked, one hand outstretched to lightly touch the spot right between her shoulderblades after she released her arrow. 

“Am  _ I _ …? I could’ve  _ shot  _ you!” she said, clearly fuming. 

“I saw you  — I would have been gone before the arrow left the string,” he assured her. “Congratulations on your first psychic attack.” 

“You gonna put it in her baby book?” Logan asked with a little chuckle, though he darted off before he could see the look on Kate’s face at that. “Gonna go get those kids out.” 

Kate glared his way. “Oh, he’s getting reading glasses and a cane for his birthday,” she muttered, not to anyone in particular, before she bounded after him. “Wait up, old man! Don’t sprain anything important! Like a hip!”  

“Looking for baby’s next moment already?” He teased back. “I don’t have time to take a picture of you for it.” 

“And heaven knows your grandfatherly urges are just screaming for pictures,” she countered. 

“They really are,” he said with a laugh. “Though you might want to add a couple greats to that, kiddo.” 

“I’m not  _ that  _ young,” she said, pulling a face. 

“But I  _ am _ that old,” he replied as they came up to where the kids were being held. She rattled the door for a moment and dug to find a trick arrow that might do the trick - when he simply sliced through the locks. “Come on  — I can tell you about the days before your new fangled horseless carriages later.” 

“Better get in all the good stories before seven  — I hear that’s when bedtime is at the home,” Kate replied. 

“You gonna read to me after that?” Logan asked with a smirk. 

She blinked at him innocently. “Oh, I dunno  — I’m so  _ young _ . I’m still learning the alphabet.” 

“You’re right, I’ll help you sound out the hard words,” he laughed. 

Kate just grinned at him as she took a sword to some of the equipment in the area before they moved on. The two of them burst into the next room over to find… just the one guy guarding the rest of the kids. He was lanky and blonde, and he clearly had a major attitude problem. 

“Get outta the way, Kyle,” Logan said. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than you ask for.” 

But the blonde just responded by darting forward and slashing Logan across the chest until his claws scratched against the metal covered bone. Logan glared at him for just a moment before he rushed forward. 

The two of them locked into what was almost a wrestling match, though with far more claws and snarls. Logan saw the hesitation as Kate tried to decide whether she should try to help or just get to work on the locks. “I can handle him  — get them out,” he called out between hits. 

“Got it!” she called back before she turned back to the kids and just brought the sword down on the locks as hard as she could to break them open enough to level the cages open. She crouched slightly to be at eye level with her very best smile as she just started to offer her hand to each of them in turn and pull them out, keeping half an eye on the fight as she did so  — so that she didn’t accidentally pull them  _ into  _ the line of fire. 

“It’s okay. You’re safe now,” she said with her warmest smile and gentlest tones, making sure to look each of them over as carefully but with as much subtlety as she could manage so they didn’t see the look of worry.  _ Kids _ . She couldn’t  _ stand  _ bad guys who did this kind of thing to  _ kids _ .

“HAWKEYE!” Logan shouted out to catch Kate’s attention as Kyle had managed to push Logan back off of a platform and was rushing her way. 

She had the presence of mind to duck for safety  _ away  _ from the kids as she threw herself sideways and went for a hard uppercut that she was kind of hoping would have staggered him a lot worse than it actually did, and he returned with a blow that sent her reeling back several steps, though she regained her footing just in time to jump out of the way of his rushing attack.

As Kate more or less tumbled out of Kyle’s reach, Kurt bamfed in and rushed toward the kids to push them in the right direction. “The building is on fire,” he called out, just to gauge his teammate’s reactions before he helped Logan get back to the fight. 

“My fault!” Kate shouted back as she kept trying to keep out of Kyle’s reach. “My bad on that one  — too many explosives!” 

“No, no,” Kurt called back. “I think it was from the equipment that started sparking back there. After it fell from the ceiling. Someone cut it, but we can’t know for sure who. When destroying evil bases, though, one can’t be burdened with worrying about who did what.” 

As Kate seemed to be keeping up with Wild Child, Logan took over letting kids out  — but the action seemed to catch Wild Child’s attention again, and as Kate swung with her sword, he dodged out of the way and rushed for Logan. 

As he slammed Logan against the wall of cages, the kids within them recoiled and tried to hide as the two ferals started sounding positively unhinged with growls and snarls. They dove into each other like rabid animals as Kate tried to dart in to try to calm the kids down. 

She came around the other side and just started talking in hushed tones, remembering the stories the Communion had enjoyed as she just tried to sound as nonthreatening as possible, pulling them out fast. It was work just getting some of them to  _ look  _ at her for a much as they were trying to hide, so it was slow going.

She looked over to where the boys were fighting the wild-looking blonde just as Kurt and Logan got creative and with a bamf and a slash  — the blonde fell still. 

She let out a sigh and approached the last of the kids, who was still very much tucked in a corner and looked absolutely terrified. “It’s alright,” she said. “Look, see? The bad guys are down. You’re okay,” she half-whispered, but the little girl just recoiled as soon as Kate held out her hand, and Kate frowned hard when she realized that the girl was scared of  _ her _ . “I’m not  — I’m not going to hurt you, I promise,” she said, but it didn’t seem to be working. 

When Kurt saw that she’d hit a little hiccup, he headed over to try and help. “It’s alright, little one - we’re here to help you,” he offered with his kindest smile  — but apparently the image of a blue demon with flames threatening the room in the background wasn’t the most reassuring thing that could have happened. The girl just curled in on herself tighter and half buried her face in her arms with her knees drawn up. 

With a frown, Kurt turned to Kate. “I know why she wouldn’t go to me, but I don’t understand why she wouldn’t come to you,” he said. 

Kate looked down at herself to check and see if she was bleeding or something, then shook her head. “I don’t know either,” she admitted. “Just… scared I guess?”

Kurt looked over his shoulder to where Logan was talking low to the other kids, checking them over. “Logan  — we need your help,” Kurt called out quietly. He turned back to Kate. “Try to contain yourself, please.” 

“Me? What am I gonna do?” she asked. 

He smirked at her and shook his head. “Just behave.” 

She smirked back and in a low whisper said, “You  _ never  _ ask me to do that.”

“For the little one, behave,” he said with a wide smile now as Logan crouched down next to them. 

“What’s the problem?” he asked as he glanced over at the little girl. “What did you do, Kate?”

“I just… I didn’t do anything,” Kate said quickly. “I just tried to talk her into coming out? I didn’t even touch her.” 

Logan turned to the little one and pulled his cowl off to look at her a little easier. “Hey little darlin’, what’s your name?” The little one stayed balled up but at least peeked up at him. “This is Katie, and the fuzzy guy is Kurt. I’m Logan  — we just want to get you out of this place to somewhere safe.” When she looked up a little bit more, Logan gave her a little smirk and just kept talking low to her until she started to uncurl herself and finally reached out to take Logan’s hand. 

When she moved forward, she rushed and wrapped her arms around his neck so he could carry her. Logan just wrapped her up in a hug and tried to shush her as Kurt laid a hand on Kate’s arm as a silent reminder to behave while Logan got the kid to simmer down enough to get moving. 

“That is why I asked for you to behave,” he whispered in her ear. “When no one else can get a little one to come out  — he does.” 

She was grinning and leaned in to whisper in his ear quiet enough that the little girl wouldn’t hear, “Giant. Hug. Magnet.”

“Keep it to yourself,” Kurt whispered back. “The last thing we need is for the bad guys to purposely pick up little kids to use as bait.” 

“Totally understood. But I can only behave long enough to drop the kids off. Once it’s the three of us?”

“Nail him,” Kurt said with a laugh. “I’ll just sit back and watch.” 

She grinned widely. “Oh, this’ll be fun,” she said before she turned back to the rest of the kids to help herd them out of the quickly burning facility. 

Logan led the way, though it was a matter of false starts when several of his preferred paths were already blocked with flames and debris. He turned to look at the group of kids and locked his jaw before he told them as a group to stay tight, and don’t stop moving  — no matter what. 

They turned to go into one of the labs, crossing through what looked like a surgical suite before going into the next room  — which had various tubes and vials with odd looking bits floating in what looked like glowing green water. There was fire blocking another path, and then the group found themselves going through a room that had all kinds of scary-looking machinery and an oddly hot metallic scent to it that even Kurt and Kate could smell easily as Logan ushered them through it, pointedly not looking at anything in the room. From there they went through a control booth to find a back hall that he promised led to a clean exit. 

As they rushed down the oddly untouched, sedate-looking hall small explosions echoed behind them and the sound of the fire raging was easily heard in the background all the way up until they stepped outside into the fresh air. 

Logan looked irritated but finally turned to Kurt with something for him to do. “Alright. They’re out. Take Kate up first, then get the kids on the plane. I’ll see if I can talk her into teleporting up  — otherwise, I’m going to start up the mountain.” 

Kurt nodded and, moments later, Kate found herself on the jet, where Henry was waiting for them. She took just a second to kiss Kurt, who still smelled of smoke from the fire and not just the teleporting, before he went back and started bringing kids. 

A few of them looked in awe of the jet as they looked around, and some of the older kids even asked what kind of plane it was as Kate just  _ beamed  _ at them and promised they were in for a treat. She had no idea what to say when they asked where they were going, and she simply deferred to Henry for any questions like that, though a few of the kids seemed wary of the big guy until he cracked a huge smile that seemed to melt them. 

When Kurt came up with the last pair, because the girl Logan was carrying was flat refusing to allow Kurt to teleport them, he was quick to answer whatever questions the kids had. Some of them were excited to meet some of the X-Men, and they helped to get the younger kids settled faster. Kurt clearly had on his entertainer hat as he told the kids stories while he ran through the pre-flight checklist, and Henry tried to check them over for any pressing issues. 

While the kids were trying to imitate an acrobatic move that Kurt had demonstrated, he turned to Kate and filled her in. “Logan will be here shortly. That little girl was too scared to ‘port, and he didn’t want to force her.” 

Kate was grinning at him as she nodded her understanding, her gaze half on the kids who were trying to do little somersaults. “You’re good with them. Guess it’s part of being a teacher,” she said with a smile. 

“We’ll take most of them to see Heather and Mac Hudson  — old friends of Logan’s. They have a team here in Canada,” Kurt told her. “They’ll get them to their families. The rest  — we’ll take back to the States.” 

“And then you’re going to have to teach me some of those flips and tricks,” she said with a little grin. “Clint showed me a few, but he was a sharpshooter, didn’t do as much with the acrobatics.  _ You  _ are  _ impressive _ .” The grin widened as she looked up at him. “And fun.” 

“I do try,” he admitted before he took a short bow. “And it is so much fun.” 

“It looks like it.” She looked back at the kids and grinned as one of the little girls shyly showed off that she already knew how to do a cartwheel. “You have a little troupe now. In addition to the bamfs. Small army of adorable.” 

“The troupe is going to be broken up shortly,” he said. “But it is nice to have a tiny fan club.” 

She giggled, wearing her most troublemaking expression. “Just wait until I give your tiny blue army little plastic bows.” 

“Oh, I don’t know how wise it is to arm them,” Kurt said with wide eyes. “That seems like asking for trouble.” 

“They’ll be foam-tipped or sucker-tipped. I’m not  _ that  _ much of an adrenaline junkie.”

“Oh good, you had me a bit nervous there for a moment. They’re trouble enough with the swords, and I have no idea where they got them.” 

“They are devious.” She shrugged and stepped a little closer to him with a little smirk. “I figure I’ll give them the cute foam kind before they get bows of their own without my supervision. Or am I assuming too much?” She asked that last part fast. 

He took her hands in his and kissed her bruised knuckles. “If you stay with me, for any amount of time  — be it weeks or years  — please don’t  _ ever _ leave them unsupervised. This world simply isn’t ready for that.” He laughed a bit. “Don’t forget, they are little demons.” 

“Cute little demons,” she said with a grin to match his. “But no, no way would I leave them unsupervised. I turned around to get coffee once at Clint’s place and they’d wrapped like ten bows in Lucky’s hair one time, and I think they were just doing it to prove they could.” She laughed. “And I’ve only known them for, what, a little over two weeks?”

“They like you,” he admitted. 

“They have horrible taste,” she teased. 

“I disagree,” he said with a frown. “They like you and me  — and Logan … they like picking on Kitty.” He tipped his head to the side. “It’s a short list, but a good one.” 

“I was teasing,” she said and stood up on her toes to kiss him. “They have  _ excellent  _ taste with a list like that.”

One of the rescued kids LOUDLY asked what a switch was for  — his hand on the lever as he’d somehow managed to slip around Henry and with a peek, Kurt teleported over to stop him, picking him up and removing him from the cockpit area as Logan finally arrived with the little girl still attached around his neck. 

“You know where we’re headed?” Logan asked when he arrived.

Kurt nodded as Henry tried to talk the girl with Logan into letting go so he could make sure she wasn’t hurt. “Hudsons first,” Kurt said. “Henry has already figured out which kids will be coming back to the school with us.” He turned Kate’s way again. “Unless you’ve had enough globehopping with us.” 

“I could do this all year, blue boy,” she said with an impish grin. “And into the next.” 

  
“Then let’s see how far it takes us,” he agreed with a grin to match hers as they climbed into the cockpit to fly back. 


	12. Chapter 12: Jubilation, Keeper of the Speed Dial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we finally get out lovely kids home and get them all warm and cozy and snuggly and everyone is happy... and there is lots of teasing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mild swearing, innuendo, and blood transfusions.

They were finally headed to New York and the mansion after they dropped most of the kids off with the Hudsons  — though a few of the kids were still coming with them to the school and were curled up in blankets in the blackbird, completely zonked out. 

Kate had just seen the last one - a little girl who was just in love with Kate after Kate let her braid her hair and wear her gloves, which were way too big for her  — off to sleep, still wearing her gloves and promising that  _ she  _ wanted to be a superhero when she grew up too, when Kurt popped in to grin at her as she got out from underneath the sleeping girl.

“You seem to have a small fan club of your own,” he said with a soft smile, keeping his voice low so as not to wake the sleeping little ones.

She smirked his way. “Well, us girls have to stick together, you know.” 

“I do  _ not _ think you are getting those gloves back,” he said, nodding at the little girl, and Kate just grinned wider at that.

“No, she can keep them. She said purple was her favorite color, and that makes her alright in my book,” she said, turning back to him with a much more teasing smile as she said that last part. 

The two of them made their way back up closer to the cockpit, where Henry and Logan were quietly talking in low whispers that wouldn’t wake the kids, though when the two of them sat down and Kate just put her head on Kurt’s shoulder with her arm through his as she settled in, clearly ready to follow the kids’ lead and just go to sleep, there was no mistaking the smirk on Henry’s face. 

“I’m insulted that you didn’t feel that you could trust me with the knowledge of your newest romantic endeavors,” Henry said in a low rumble Kurt’s way. “I thought we were friends.” 

“Oh no,” Kate said quickly, trying to stick up for Kurt. “This is  — this is new. Like, two weeks and some change.” 

Henry turned to look at her with his very best, most serious expression, his eyebrows raised as he looked over the top of his half moon glasses. “I’m afraid the lady doth protest too much.” 

“I know she doesn’t necessarily look the part of a temptress, but I think this little lady here is trying to steal our little Elf’s heart,” Logan said quietly. 

Kurt grinned at both of them. “Oh, I’m afraid it’s much too late to prevent that theft.”

“I noticed,” Logan said with a significant look. “Right around Tokyo.” 

Hank raised his eyebrows higher at that and turned to look her over again. “Is that true? You couldn’t have been gone for that long at that point,” he said, narrowing his eyes and adding a bit of a growl to the next part. “How long have you been stalking our little defenseless Elf?” 

She raised both hands with a nervous laugh. “He is  _ so  _ not defenseless. He  — he’s a  _ horrible  _ flirt. I couldn’t  _ help  _ it,” she said, gaining speed as she started to smirk at Kurt and try to turn it on him. 

“I’m afraid they know all my tricks and all my weaknesses,” Kurt said with a shrug. “And they know how some women have tried to take advantage in the past.  _ This is not one of those times _ ,” he added, glaring pointedly at his two feral friends. “And  _ you _ know that, Logan. Picking on her. Not very gentlemanly.” 

“Yeah, what happened to the giant hug magnet?” Kate asked, still trying to find a new target for the teasing that wasn’t herself.  

“Blue pointed out that you’re threatening Kurt’s virtues.” Logan tipped his head back from the pilot’s seat to look at her. “Evil purple seductress and all that. Tempting him with space pirates and flaunting swashbuckling under his nose.” 

She held his gaze as the smirk just kept widening. “Yes. Yes I am.”

At that, Logan just looked at Henry with a smirk. “Toldja so. Twenty bucks. Pay up,” he said, as Henry just started to chuckle in something like disbelief. 

“ _ Hey! _ ” Kate looked between them. “ _ Hey!  _ What gives?” If she hadn’t been worried about waking the kids, she would have been much more insistent and loud  — even if she was already very much so.

“I said you’d admit to spending your time seducing him  — he said no way. I won.” Logan looked fairly smug about it as Henry handed him some bills. 

Kurt just started laughing quietly at the three of them, shaking his head at their antics. “You’re all horrible.” 

“At least  _ Beast  _ bet on my better side,” Kate grumbled good-naturedly. 

“Blue talked to you for all of thirty seconds,” Logan pointed out as he pocketed the cash and settled in for the duration of the flight. “I’ve been stuck listening to this train wreck the whole time.” 

“Oh no.” She pointed her finger at him. “This?” She waved her other hand between herself and Kurt. “This is not a trainwreck. I don’t do trainwrecks. You’re confusing me with the other Hawkeye.”

“That’s probably true, especially seein’ as you spend more time at his place than your own,” Logan replied. Henry’s eyebrows rose to new heights at that one as Logan looked her way and tapped the side of his nose. 

“Oh-ho? What say you to that accusation, Miss Bishop?” Henry asked with a serious expression. 

She folded her arms and glared at Logan before she muttered, “That’s where Lucky is.” 

“Right. And stability. Somehow,” Logan said. “No worries though, Blue. Nothing fishy goin’ on. At all. Ever. Unless you count Clint’s lack of cleaning skills.” 

“Ever  _ ever _ ,” she said with a nod firm enough to move the headband in her hair. “Never.” 

“I believe you,  _ liebchen _ ,” Kurt said in a soothing tone. “No need to be so adamant.” 

She smiled and turned to kiss him on the cheek. “Oh, it’s not you I’m worried about,” she told him. “But  _ these two _ will  _ talk  _ and I don’t want Storm to think I’m some kind of…” 

“Madam,” Henry said, “I will tease. I will not spread around anything that will paint you as some scarlet woman.” He tipped his head Logan’s way. “And he has no room to talk. At all. Particularly about evil women bent on seducing away someone’s virtues.”  

Kate smiled Henry’s way for a second before she turned her gaze to Logan with eyebrows raised. “What,  _ this  _ adorable little cuddle bug?”

“Indeed,” Henry replied. “You wouldn’t believe his track record on  _ evil  _ seductresses in particular.” 

At that, Kate looked like it was Christmas as she realized the potential for ammunition there. “I’m shocked, great-great-grampa. Shouldn’t you be telling  _ us  _ about the follies of youth?” She grinned wickedly. 

He shrugged a little. “I tried to be good. Seems I got crap taste.” 

“So do I apparently,” Kate muttered, looking him up and down. “I mean  — not in my  _ relationships _ . I mean in the mentor kinda way. Trainwrecks with crap taste who get way too beat up for their own good.” She gave him a winning smile and a significant look, but he just looked like he was settling in for the tease. 

“Clint’s doin’ his best,” Logan said with a shake of his head. “Just needs to try wearin’ a little better armor … and a helmet. He can’t have too many more concussions left in him before he strokes out.” 

Kate tipped her head back and let out a long sigh. “I  _ know _ . Don’t even say it out loud, ‘cause I  _ know _ . Idiot.” Logan smirked to himself as she half hugged herself and snuggled into Kurt’s chest and said, loud enough for Logan to hear, “Mentors might be idiots, but I’ve got good taste in the kissing department.”

“Be kind,” Kurt said. “For most of them, he didn’t know they were evil until it was too late. One even had the X-Men convinced that she was alright.” 

“Well, at least he wasn’t knowingly dating psychopaths,” she allowed, taking the hint to back off the slightest bit. 

“Well….” Hank said with a long, drawn-out tone. “Dated, no. However … married?” 

Both her eyebrows shot up. “ _ No. _ ”

“It  — that was  _ not _ a real marriage,” Logan defended. “It was to fulfil an oath of honor. I got her to give me a divorce as soon as I could.” 

“Not soon enough to convince Kitty and Jubilee that it was necessary though,” Kurt pointed out. 

Kate shook her head at all of them. “Yeah  — you’re not allowed to tease. Officially,” she told Logan. 

“I’m pullin’ rank here  — I’m going to tease anyone younger than me. Period.” 

“Well I’ll put the entire population of the planet on notice, then,” she countered. 

“Make sure you’re speedy about it,” Logan shot back. 

“I’ll be quick. I have this little device in my pocket called a telephone. It lets me talk to people. I’ll show you how it works someday.”

“Oh, that might be too much for my old eyes to follow. Better just let you make my calls for me. Watch out for number five on the speed dial."

“I hear she’s the best Hawkeye,” Kate said easily. 

“Definitely the best Hawkeye,” Logan agreed without hesitation. “Has a thing for acrobats though. Draws the mind to kinky conclusions.” 

“Just the  _ one  _ acrobat oh my  _ gosh _ . I can’t un _ think  _ that.” She pulled a horrible face and for dramatic effect buried her face in Kurt’s chest, very, very tired of being teased about her circus brat former mentor.

“I meant the bug boy,” Logan said with a wicked smirk. “But seein’ as you put it out there ….” 

“How do you make him stop?” Kate asked Kurt’s chest, slightly muffled. 

“In all these years, I have no idea. Normally I’d bribe him with whiskey, but since there is none to be found here  — I don’t know what to tell you,” Kurt said. “You can try to outdo him, but I can’t guarantee that he won’t get worse. He can be vividly detailed when he wants to be. You should hear the question and detailed answer session when his history class hits the world wars.” 

She picked her head up. “Okay. I kinda want to hear that now. But I am  _ not  _ enrolling, because I’m not a student. That’s not a thing,” she said with a teasing smile. 

“Oh, certainly not,” Kurt agreed, matching her smile with one of his own. 

“You can sit in on my class,” Logan offered. “If you can behave.  _ And  _ if you give me whiskey when we get back.” 

“ _ After  _ I get my Storm sleepover. Then whiskey.” 

Logan gave her a long, suspicious look. “Alright. Fine.” 

She grinned brilliantly at him and then laid her head back on Kurt’s shoulder, tipping her head up the slightest bit so that she could whisper in his ear: “He’ll have to wait a bit, though. I still haven’t seen  _ your  _ place, and right now, that sounds better than a Storm sleepover.” 

“I have to agree,” Kurt said with a nod before he turned to Logan. “When you were passed out at Clint’s place, Storm checked in. Your old room is waiting for you.”  Logan just nodded at that as Beast started to go into all of the gossip that had been happening around the mansion, less than half of which Kate felt like she was able to follow  — at all. 

When they arrived at the school, Henry took charge of the kids to make sure they got where they needed to as Kate took in the sights again  — this time in daylight, where there were more people up and about and plenty of activities to draw her attention as they walked through the halls. She had to laugh as Logan took the first opportunity to try to slip away from the crowds, and she and Kurt did actually lose track of him for a while as Kurt gave her a more comprehensive tour of the place... before the tour came to abrupt halt as Jubilee came right around the corner, Logan’s phone in hand and an expression of  _ murder _ . 

“Who exactly is  _ this? _ ” Jubilee asked with a glare as she gestured to Kate. “Is this the  _ person  _ that thinks she rates center spot on  _ my  _ Wolvie’s cell?” 

Kate had been thrown off by the sudden change from peaceful tour to verbal assault but quickly stuck out her hand. “Hawkeye,” she said by way of greeting. “You can call me Kate  — and if your Wolverine would  _ call people  _ when he says he will? I wouldn’t have raided his phone.”

“That is entirely beside the point. There is a  _ reason  _ I clean out all sorts of strange women out of his phone. Who do you think you are anyhow, Hawkeye? What makes you think you should even  _ be here _ ?” 

“Well I just spent a few weeks traveling the world - and going to space - with the guy, and also, I’m dating his best friend, so…” She shrugged with a smug smile as she let the explanation taper off and speak for itself. “And as for who I think I am, I’m a superhero. So chill.” 

Jubilee crossed her arms again over her chest and stuck her lip out a bit as she looked her over critically. “If you hurt Kurt, I will literally snap you in half.”    


Kate raised both hands in a gesture of peace. “Good thing I’m never going to do that then,” she said quickly. 

“Jubilation,” Kurt said, soft and quiet, and she turned his way with a curious sort of expression when she saw the look on his face. “Henry can cure your vampirism now,” he said carefully. “You won’t be able to snap anyone in a few weeks.” 

She looked downright surprised for a good long moment, just staring at him until he nodded subtly to show that, no, he wasn’t kidding. “Oh.” She stared Kurt’s way for what felt like an eternity as she seemed to chew it over before she took a huge breath and went right back to her usual self as she drew herself up. “I’ll find a way if I have to,” she said with one hand on her hip and the other pointing Logan’s phone at the both of them. She gave them her most menacing smile before she stuck her hand out, palm up, under Kate’s nose. “Phone. Now.” 

“Why?”

“Just hand it over,” Jubilee said. “If I’m supposed to blindly trust some girl Kurt dragged home than said girl can hand over her phone.” 

Kate held Jubilee’ gaze as she reached for her pocket. “Let’s get one thing straight,” she said. “Kurt didn’t drag me anywhere. I came perfectly willingly.” She held up the purple-cased phone and slapped it into Jubilee’s palm. 

Jubes gave her a glare for half a second before she started typing something into it rapidly - and for a long, long time. Just about the time that Kate was ready to ask what in the world she was doing, she picked the phone up and held it at arm’s length to give her best, brightest smile and snap a picture before she handed it back. “Now you have all of us in there too,” Jubes said. “ _ All _ of us. No reason to say you couldn’t get in touch if something happens to you or Kurt or … _ my  _ Wolvie if you’re around him.  _ Someone  _ has to be responsible for them.” 

Kate broke into a wide grin. “Heaven knows I tried. I even,” she leaned in a bit, “got Kurt to agree to drink  _ water _ .”

“I’m sure they snuck more than you know about,” Jubes assured her. “Logan guzzles it if he’s lost enough blood.” She zipped over to give Kurt a quick kiss on the cheek before she looked Kate’s way again. “Slumber party Friday night. You don’t get to hog the weather goddess.” 

“Only if you promise to bring your best, most embarrassing stories, because I  _ need  _ ammunition against them. They’re  _ horrible _ .” Kate was starting to grin and relax as she got the feeling that maybe she’d passed the Jubilee test. At least... if a sleepover invite was anything to go by.

“Who do you want stories on?” Jubes asked. “I have stuff on  _ everyone. _ ” She gave her an honest grin. “Benefit of being the youngest around here for  _ ever _ . I was six months younger than Kitty when she joined, so I hold the record for youngest X-Man.” She said it with a proud kind of tone as she raised her shoulder to her ear with a smirk. 

“How’d you manage to get an invite to the team so young?” Kate asked with a grin and a laugh. 

“Didn’t take too much,” Jubilee replied with a wave of her hand. “Just single-handedly saved Wolvie’s butt all on my lonesome.” 

“I’m adding that to my mental list of stories I need further details on,” Kate said with a grin. She stuck her thumbs in her belt and leaned forward. “I helped break him out of SHIELD to get invited here.” 

“Not a half bad way to get an invite,” Jubilee admitted. “After we got out of Australia, we did pretty much everything adventury for like five years straight.”    


“Well, I’m not even at three weeks yet.” Kate grinned ruefully. “Guess I gotta step up my game  — but Kurt here is just so distracting,” she added in a teasing tone. 

“Yeah, well... thankfully I didn’t have anything like that diverting my attentions while I was utterly stealing all of Logan’s attention from Kitty,” Jubes said. 

“Well you were, like, 13.” 

“Yeah... but still  — even now … I really don’t think so. He’s the best big brother ever.” 

“He’s a giant hug magnet,” Kate said with a little grin. 

“For the right people? Totally.” 

“Oh, I like you.” Kate grinned. “Yes  — keep agreeing with me and we’ll get along  _ great _ .”

“I’m sure.” Jubilee gave her another appraising look before she broke into an even wider grin than before. “See you on Friday, number Five — _for now_. And that’s only because I can’t decide if I want number one for myself.” 

Kate grinned. “Well tell me what you decide when I see you Friday. The anticipation is killing me.” 

“Oh right. I’m  _ sure  _ that’s where your mind is hung up.” 

Kate drew a halo over her head with one finger. “Yes. For sure.” 

“Horrible liar,” Jubes said. She leaned forward and added in a stage whisper, “Go suck the fur off your boyfriend’s neck. No judgement.” 

“ _ JUBILATION,”  _ Kurt hissed as he all but glared at her, his tail swishing behind him. “You’re not too big for me to take you down.” 

“Oooh, look at the little vampire skittering away the direction she was already going. So scared! Keep talking like that,” Jubes replied over her shoulder. “I’m sure it’s a super turn on to hear your boyfriend talk like a sixty-year-old.” With that, she just gave them a little wave with her fingers and bopped down the hall. 

Kate shook her head with a little laugh as she watched Jubilee leave before she finally turned to Kurt and slid her arm around his waist. “Well  — only one death threat. That went well,” she said, chuckling quietly. 

“As well as can be hoped for,” Kurt agreed, shaking his head before he leaned over to kiss her cheek. “If it makes you feel any better, she’s never had it in her to kill, even when her vampirism was fresh and hard to resist.” 

“No, she doesn’t strike me as the type,” Kate agreed. “Too nice. I like her.” 

“You’d like her more if she wasn’t a bloodsucker,” Kurt said as a slow smile started to spread across his face. “She had the most beautiful mutation.” 

“Then I’ll have to stick around for a while,” she said, holding onto his arm with a sedate smile as they finished their tour at the teacher’s lounge, both of them dropping into the nearest couch, as it was currently empty. Kate leaned over and put her head in his lap, grinning up at him as he answered any questions she could think of about the school now that she’d seen most of it. 

Storm and Logan entered a short time later as she was already working on nailing him down with which classes he’d be starting right away  — to keep him out of trouble. But when Storm saw the two of them cozied on the couch, she hit Logan’s chest with the back of her hand. “You didn’t tell me that they were so...  _ comfortable _ with each other,” she said with a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Logan just shrugged and found a chair to drop into. 

“Figured everyone knew by now,” he defended. 

“I didn’t get the message,” Storm said, turning to them. “How could you keep them out of trouble while you were being charmed by this scamp?” she said to Kate, though her eyes were sparkling with laughter.

Kate grinned crookedly and sat up a bit. “Oh, I was charming  _ him _ ,” she said. “I am an evil purple seductress.” She raised her eyebrows Logan’s way. “At least that’s what I’ve been told. I must have  _ some  _ persuasive powers.”

“I doubt that somehow,” Storm replied with a little laugh. “The seductress part. I’m sure he was happily willing.” 

“That much is entirely true,” Kurt agreed, grinning. He looked over at Kate and grinned a bit wider. “Though you should be happy to hear she tried to get us to drink water at every available opportunity.” 

“Yes, well, I knew that was going to be a losing battle,” Storm replied with a sly smile. “Though I do appreciate the effort that went into it.” 

“All that work,” Kate said with a dramatic sigh. “And you knew it wasn’t going to happen.”

“I’m sorry,” Storm said, though she didn’t look the least bit apologetic as she grinned Kate’s way. “But it’s fun to try sometimes.” 

Kate grinned right back. “This is true. Snowballs are an effective water delivery system.”

“You didn’t.” Storm was beaming at her. 

“I did.” Kate grinned broadly. “Arrows aren’t the only thing I’m good at aiming.”

“Then I look forward to our sleepover  — when you get a chance, of course. I understand how distracting the charming Elf can be.”    


Kate laughed at that. “See, that’s why you’re in charge. You know what’s up.” She glanced over Logan’s way with a little smile. “Oh, and Jubes is letting me stay on number five. Temporarily.”

“Temporarily. What’s she waiting for?” Logan asked with a little frown. “She’s usually pretty decisive about this stuff.” 

“She can’t decide if she wants to steal my spot or be number one. I understand it’s a tough call.” Kate leaned back against Kurt with a little smirk. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she reprogrammed it so that she was the speed dial on all of the numbers,” Storm said with a smirk. “She might put Kitty on seven  — just so she can’t complain about not being there.” 

“Or zero,” Kurt added with a little laugh. 

“She better leave me on there,” Kate said with one eyebrow arched. “How else am I going to get into trouble with this one?” She waved her hand Logan’s way with an impish grin. 

“Likely by going through the Jubilation Lee screening system,” Kurt said. 

“She was awfully excited to get to the lab once she heard Henry had figured out a cure,” Storm added before she rested her hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Which means she’ll need you down there soon.” She looked up at Kate with a little smile. “You may need to avoid the lower levels until that is over. The students are already going to be banned from them once we start that process.”  

“Duly noted,” Kate said, smiling, then tipped her head to look up at Kurt. “As long as you don’t live on the lower levels, that shouldn’t be  _ too  _ much of a problem,” she added in a teasing whisper. 

“No, I’m in the teachers’ wing,” he said with a little smirk. “As well you know.” 

“Well I only saw some doors and hallways. How would I know that’s your actual room?” she teased, with a smirk to match. 

“You’re right. It was incredibly rude of me to simply give you a tour of the house when you only were interested in one. Single. Room.” Kurt was grinning impishly at her. 

“So very, very rude,” she agreed, matching his grin as she tipped her head even further backward to look at him. “You’ll have to make it up to me somehow.” 

“Then don’t let me hold you up. Logan has somewhere to be, and you need to correct your lack of hospitality, Mr. Wagner,” Storm said with a laugh. “Be sure to lock the door.” 

Kurt and Kate both turned to grin at her for just a moment before, in a poof of blue smoke, they were both gone from the couch. 

~*~

For the next week solid, Logan, Jubilee, and Henry were all missing as they put their efforts into fixing Jubilee. Kurt would occasionally teleport meals to the three of them and report back to Storm and the rest of the staff waiting patiently to hear what was going on, but for the most part, the three of them were simply holed up together.. 

Kurt’s reports were usually short, and occasionally followed immediately by a second or even a third trip back to the lab with armloads of food and a quick explanation of ‘he’s got to heal’, but finally, after a little over a week, Logan came up from the lab arm in arm with a pale  — but not nearly as pale as before  —  Jubilee. She had a pink blush to her cheeks and she looked beat. 

Logan walked with her over to the kitchen table and the two of them took a seat together, with Jubes leaning on him just a bit as he looked up at Kurt. “Why don’t you order in? We could both use a bite, and no offense to Pete, but I sure as hell ain’t in the mood for whatever he’s cookin’ up.” Logan looked worn out as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. 

“Water?” Kate offered, trying hard to hide the hopeful look on her face. 

“You’re not funny,” Logan said without opening his eyes. 

“He already drank nearly a gallon,” Jubes said, closing her eyes too. “Oh my  _ gosh.  _ I can’t remember ever being this tired before.” 

“If people start inexplicably running up to hug you, it means you got more Logan than you bargained for,” Kate teased lightly as she slid Jubes a full mug of coffee and Logan flipped her the bird. 

“How do you feel?” Kurt asked, though it wasn’t immediately clear which of the two of his friends he was talking to. 

“Tired,” they both answered at once.   

“I gathered as much,” Kurt said, shooting Kate a look as she looked like she could hardly contain the grin. “And besides that?”

“I could  _ so  _ go for a cheeseburger?” Jubilee said with a growing grin as she picked her head up. “And a chocolate shake.” 

“I know just the place if you’re interested,” Kate said, matching her grin. “It’s one of my favorites.” 

“Please!” Jubes said before she turned to Logan and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Want us to bring you something back?” 

He just shrugged in response and let out a deep breath. “You girls have fun. Try not to get arrested. That’s all I ask.” 

“He did just say ‘try’,” Kate said to Jubes in a low whisper. “What do you think, Number One? Care to spend some time getting to know Number Five?"

“I think … that is totally warranted,” Jubes said with a nod. “Hey, big kahuna? Mind if we take your jeep?” She directed to Logan, who just reached in his pocket and tossed the keys her way. 

Kate laughed as she slid her arm through Jubes. “You’re gonna have to teach me your ways,” she teased. “So I can get him to do that too  — the whole no arguments thing.” 

“From what I can tell? Um … it’s just me. Sorry,” Jubes said. “He argues with Kitty and pretty much everyone else. Of course  — being half drained of all his blood for better than a week might contribute.” 

“This is true. Softened him up first,” Kate said, tapping the side of her nose. “There’s a great burgers and shakes joint across from my place in Jersey. Feel like a ladies’ night road trip?”

  
“Sounds perfect to me,” Jubes said with a bright grin. “Take care of your best friend Kurt  — he needs someone to babysit him tonight.” Before either of the men could protest  — either at the charge that Logan needed babysitting or at Jubes leaving so soon after being cured when she was so obviously tired  — Jubilee just pulled Kate along by the arm, and both women were outright laughing by the time they hit the door. 


End file.
